| I have an extensive track record of failed relationships, so I am not exactly qualified to tell you what to do, but I am qualified to tell you a few pointers on what NOT to do. Though I cannot recommend In$tinct's "Extended Relationship guide" thread, go look that up now and save it to your bookmarks! Do it!
1) Don't be needy or overrun by insecurity. If you find yourself feeling insecure or anxious, recognise that it is happening, and learn to control it. Be aware that you are feeling it and become present in the moment, exercise your emotional mind. I do this by talking through why I am feeling insecure, no matter how absurd the reasons are, until I am calm and collected. I will readily admit that my inner game is a huge work in progress and I need help, but until those issues are no longer present, I am learning to manage them and live with them. The other night a girl I have strong feelings for was out with friends as well as guy friends back from uni, I had a familiar attack of betaness coming on, so I chanted the mantra that "if she is going to cheat, then she is going to cheat, there is nothing I can do about it. Equally there is no evidence to suggest she would and it is out of my hands so there is no point in becoming worked up about it." I calmed myself. These instances are rare for me and only occur when feelings are involved, which suggests to me that I am not ready for serious commitments.
Equally though, don't ignore your strong gut instincts, if you feel that something is up, it probably is.
2) Don't snoop through her phone. Nine out of ten times you will find something to misconstrue or read into, even if it is innocent and even if there isn't, it sets a precedent and you WILL do it again.
3) Don't be a pleaser. Stick by your opinions, even ones she doesn't like and do not change what you think just to please or pander to her. I used to do this a lot when I was an awful Nice Guy; it does not work, and she won't respect you. The same with making decisions in life, listen to her point of view or advice, but ultimately make a choice using YOUR wisdom and do not be afraid of failure. If you get something wrong and it turns out that she or others was correct, take it on board maturely, but following your own wisdom and trusting yourself is paramount if you want others to trust you. I used to be frightened of responsibility or making decisions in case I was wrong, but you become a much stronger person once you start doing it, even if you're completely wrong, showing that you can learn from your own mistakes will gain you respect.
4) Don't be afraid of losing her and walking away. This is the most important imo and definitely the one I find the hardest. When I love someone, I do fear losing them, but if you act out of fear then it is disingenuous, needy and unattractive.
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CHAT