***Per forum rule #2 the status of the relationship is ambiguous, not dead in the water***

My situation is complicated... Skip to paragraph 4 in bold if this is tl;dr.

Long story short, the girl's neurotic family experienced tragedy, freaked out, and moved a thousand miles away on a knee-jerk reaction. She agreed to come back and live with me for a year to get to know my family, after which I'd move away to be with her and her family. Two months removed, I visited her on vacation. She REFUSED to let me leave without her, as I originally planned to bring her home at a later date. I would have needed a baseball bat to keep her off of me. Her bags were already packed before I got there. She was that determined.

Now after two months, she freaks out missing her (ultra needy/controlling/selfish) parents and breaks her promise to stay the year. Granted that she is only 22, I feel that I have the shorter end of the stick having to move away INDEFINITELY because her family is fucked up. I had no say in the matter and it's bullshit I'm bound to other people's decisions, unless I choose to end it, which is even worse in my mind. It gets more fucked up— an old landlord offered her dad free rent to take a job only 2 hours away. She told them not to do it because they already found "good" jobs where they are. She told me that she feels that it's best "for THEM" to stay. This pisses me off more than anything because as a man she claims to want to marry, you'd think what's best for me/us would fall into consideration first.

I said that pissed me off more than anything. I lied. The day she freaked out and was preparing to depart, she asked me several times to come with her. She was crying and clearly unhappy about whole thing. Obvious cognitive dissonance at play. I know she loves me and she still wants it to work. She even asked, "is there any way without me leaving my parents again?" I showed weakness and offered her a reduction of six months—shot down. Then I did a very weak, wussy thing to do and said I'd move after the next two paychecks so I could save a few car payments up and get a U-haul—refused to delay again. She wouldn't give me a fucking inch to work with. After this I threw my hands up in the air and refused to bend anymore.

I've been applying the No Contact principle ever since. Today is day 11 since the last time seeing her, and day 10 after last (very brief) phone call. Before this happened, I had been looking forward to an old book sale with her. Today I get a text reminding me that today is the day of the sale. I had asked her to remind me probably 2+ weeks ago. I know she would have anyways. I'm unsure if she is using this as a way to feel me out or whatever. She doesn't want to leave her ate up family and It's about principle and some for me at this point. I'm not sure if I should even reply to this as weeks 3-4 are optimal
I'm aware this can be an "ice-breaker" tool for her, but I'm uneasy about wasting 10 days of pure no-contact prematurely. I want her to experience a true fear of loss so she sees exactly what she's jeopardizing. I was thinking of simply replying "big helper!" and leave it at that. (This is an inside thing I started with her, and got an emotional response last time I used it.) or perhaps just "thx." I don't want to make her feel like I'm outright ignoring her as that is weak and insecure—just don't want her to feel like I'm disowning her without making myself appear too available either.

Give yourself a chance to be successful. Move on with your life, and tell her you're doing it because her family is not healthy, and she is not ready to accept it and deal with it in a positive manner. Don't let them fuck up your life too.

Yeah. I agree with you. Her family is toxic. Anyways, she eventually did call me back and basically told me she thought about coming back every day, but now her family is "mad" at her for talking to me again. her dad told her that she was "weak." I told her next time "just remind him that it was [that same] weakness that brought you back to him."

This girl has a long history of abusive, unhealthy relationships (parental and sexual) and I've always treated her in such a way that no one has any legitimate cause to find fault with me. I've been virtually perfect toward her, but no matter what her two-faced parents don't "want me" for her. They've never given her a real reason for it either. Lol, one time they even told her "...and yeah; he may be the best boyfriend you've ever had, but that doesn't mean he'd be a good husband. Fine logic, folks. every single one of the 60 days she was here, they called asking/telling her to come home. No exaggeration. These people already decided to buy a burial plot for her next to theirs. She's 22 years old. Who the hell does that? Controlling losers, that's who.

TO MY FACE these people are just as nice as they can be. Theyre a bunch of chicken-shit cowards.

I'm going to just sit back and demonstrate higher value by ignoring all of the drama. keep shit light and fun on the phone. I told her It would mean so much to me if she came back, but Im not going to ask her to anymore. I'm a man, not a dog. I don't beg. Its like forcing a child to apologize when its not in the childs heart to do so. Whats the point? Im removing all pressure and her retarded parents will do half the work I think. They'll alienate her and antagonize her and push her toward me again.

I'm supremely confident of this.

lol the irony.

They're so unforgiving because she wants to follow her heart, for doing nothing wrong to anyone. That's unhealthy. And while she's so worried about whats "best for them," they're concerned only about whats best for themselves and guilt-tripping and bully-ragging her whenever what she wants doesn't fall in line with their selfish little model of how things should be. And if they refuse to love and support her for doing what makes her truly happy and making it like she has to choose between me and them, then that says something about them. She should know it and accept it. This is the type of behavior that I think led to the alienation of their son's baby mama. And this girl will have these two overbearing thugs to ruin any and every relationship she will have after me as they did before me.

I told her that if I called her every day since she left and said "come back. come back. come back. come back" like her dad, she'd never put up with that shit from me, so why him?

She started sobbing some more and said actually she would have. Said if I had come up there 3 weeks later (surprise surprise, 3 weeks of no contact is equal to the peak of loneliness) that she would have come with me. She said that if I called her every day, "come back come back" she would have. Idk if its true but as I said, don't roll that way. Im a man. I don't beg like a dog—or her needy daddy. She said she thought all the time about just showing up at my door one day and asked if wed be having the same conversation had she done so.

Made it seem like Ill come to her in 3 or 4 months once I've saved sufficiently. She's highly impulsive, undisciplined, and yes, "weak" like daddy said. We want most that which we do not have. I bet she breaks before then and flakes on her parents as she did to me. I just have to work on being present and low-drama. "Dyyaddy" will do the rest of the work for me. He has high-drama, feminine manipulative, beta-male, pissy bitch-fit tendencies like I've never seen.

hmmm... I have to work on phone/text game with emphasis on building sexual tension. I think that might just be key in turning the tide here and pushing her over the edge.