Hey guys,

in the recent years of being an active part of the PUA community, and helping
guys with their challenges in dating, I became a confidence coach.

I wrote a book recently called The Natural's Way: How to ignore the usual dating
advice and win the girl by being yourself

...and it's all about overcoming those first challenges that most guys have in
dating like limiting beliefs, anxiety and fear.

I want to give back to the community so I decided to give you guys an
opportunity to ask me any question you have about:

- Inner game
- Confidence building
- Anxiety
- Limiting beliefs
- Fear

So write your questions down, and I'll answer them in a form of a video, a podcast or just in plain
writing (which is most effective in my opinion).

Keep the questions coming,

Phantom

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please help me as im losing my mind.

im obsessing over my ex-girl getting fucked right after we broke up.
shes practically my girl now because shes back with me and shit but my heart is broken stomped crushed destroyed and i picture the girl i love getting fucked by another guy who hypothetically did it to "get over me"

my question is... help... in any way shape or form

Ok, so let me try to break this down for you.

What I notice in your situation is you obviously care about this girl...but my question to you
is, what are you basing your relationship on?

Is your relationship with her based on love and the desire to be with her...or is it based on
pure habit of being with her, and the fear of not being able to find another girl for yourself?

The relationship you're in is unhealthy. Your best choice would be to get out of it, and start working on yourself. The thing you want to work on the most is your confidence in your ability to attract women into
your life.

Because by the way you set up the words in your question, I don't perceive you as somebody who
knows he can go out and meet another girl.

As for her having sex with another guy to get over you...I think you are intelligent enough to
see the truth behind this. Women don't have sex with other men to get over their ex boyfriends.

The way they get over their ex's is they hold a picture of them and cry...or talk with their girlfriends.

If a girl had sex with another dude, it's probably because she wanted to have sex with him for a long
time...but she kept it as her little secret.

So here's what you can do:

1. Break of with this girl if you value your life
2. Work on your confidence in your ability to get women into your life.

A good start is my book, The Natural's Way: How to ignore the usual dating advice and win the girl
by being yourself.

So do that, and keep us posted with your progress.

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Hey phantom, midget here.

Do you have any tips about adopting a positive state?

I first encountered this beautiful thing 2 years ago, I had a really bad rejection and went to bed that night mad as fuck. I woke up next day and turned into a new man; with a limitless positive state. I managed to breeze through AA without any trouble. I was carefree, didn't give more than one fuck, honestly was the most social person in the environment. I talked to random people, strangers. Hell even talked to that HB9.5 I always wanted to approach but could never do. It went on for 3 weeks. And then it died.

And ever since then it keeps going on and off and I couldn't put my finger on how to trigger it or OFFICIALLY adopting it.

So there's my question. I want to always have this powerful positive state.

_________________
"Don't try to change who you are. Don't even think you're not good enough right now. You ARE good enough being who you are. Women can smell a fake man the same way you can smell cheesecake."

Hey Midget,

first off, I love your name

Anyhow, you've asked a very good question about how can you adopt a positive state, specifically
a state where you feel confident instead of anxious?

When you were talking about being able to talk to any woman...of being able to confidently approach
9's and 10's...you were talking about being in a confident state.

So the question is, can you adopt that confident state at all times?

The answer is yes, every body can adopt that same confident state, or any kind of state for that matter.

You see, the truth is, we are ALWAYS creating a state inside of us, whether we are conscious of it or not. It's just that most guys are creating a state of anxiety, instead of state of confidence in themselves.

So how do you create a state of confidence inside of you? What can you do to feel more confident
and not feel anxious?

Well, every state, be it confidence or anxiety has a structure. Imagine it like puzzle that has
parts, which when placed in their right place make up a whole picture.

An emotional state like anxiety or confidence, has 3 parts:

1. How you hold your BODY
2. What you FOCUS on
3. How you TALK to yourself inside

If you want to learn to put yourself in a confident state, do this exercise right now:

Right now stand up and stand the way you would be standing if you were
in a state of being able to approach any woman. Notice you can do this, because your body
intuitively know how to do this.

How do you hold your body? How do you breathe? What is the expression on your face right now?

Then while maintaining that body position, now focus on the same things as you would
if you could approach any woman?

What do you focus on? Do you focus on how she's higher status than you, or do you focus on how grounded, centered and in control you are?

What images go through your mind in that state? Do you imagine a girl smiling and feeling excited about you
starting a conversation with her, or do you imagine her giving you a weird look and rejecting you?

Focus on the same things as you did when felt totally confident around women. Imagine
the same pictures, feel the same emotions and notice the same things.

And now I want you to talk to yourself in the same way you would, if you were totally confident around women.

Tell me what language do you use with yourself at that state?
How do you talk to yourself? Do you say to yourself, "O she's going to reject me" or do you say, "I don't
care what happens, I'm in control..."?

Right now talk to yourself in the same way. Use the same tone of voice, depth and pitch. Make everything
exactly the same as you would if you felt confident around women.

If you've followed this exercise as I've outlined, you were probably able to put yourself in the state
of confidence again.

To get more techniques like this, I recommend you check out my book The Natural's Way: How to ignore
the usual dating advice and win the girl by being yourself;

In it I specifically talk about taking control of your emotional states like confidence or anxiety, so you can talk to the kind of women you want with confidence.

Also, if you want to eliminate your approach anxiety, I recommend you go through my Approach Anxiety Destroyer technique...which takes you through a 3 step process and eliminates your approach anxiety in under an hour. It's available for free at my website, which you can find in my signature.

To your success,

Phantom

P.S. If anybody else has a question, feel free to ask down below. I enjoy answering your questions
and helping guys out

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best-way-to-build-confidence-vt174424.html

A thread I posted earlier today. You seem like you know what you're talking about and I was hoping you could give me some advice. Thanks!

Woah :') That is absolutely right! You're basically getting me to be aware of things, aware of how I'm feeling and all. I'm learning this from PUA Training's Inner Game Installed. It actually works. But not all the time. Damn. I guess I should practice more.

The thing is, when I'm in my positive state, I am always willing to do things, like I'm excited about everything. And I think of the funniest craziest things I could never think of without it. I'm also so happy and content. Always smile for some reason. I'm so carefree and I don't rely on people for anything. I feel as if I'm a playable character in a video game, and everyone else are NPCs. Haha. I'm starting to be more aware every time I assume the positive state so I can better understand it.

_________________
"Don't try to change who you are. Don't even think you're not good enough right now. You ARE good enough being who you are. Women can smell a fake man the same way you can smell cheesecake."

Heyyyy Phantom!!!!! I tried out your flip book. It was amazing! Three days and all positive results. I feel so alpha lol. Couldn't believe it actually works!

_________________
"Don't try to change who you are. Don't even think you're not good enough right now. You ARE good enough being who you are. Women can smell a fake man the same way you can smell cheesecake."

Phantom, been reading your post on here and I can instantly tell you have wisdom. I couldn't resist asking a question. Your comments remind me of how I think and they're perfectly answered. I wish more ppl can take time out on here and be more like you...

Here's my question:
I'm trying to work on myself. I'm not buff at all and have some fat on me, my BF % is like 15-20. I'm VERY insecure with myself and my body. I think, what if I'm around a girl and were hanging with one of my friends (who's ripped) and she see's him, compares him to me and becomes attracted to him. My issue is even deeper than that. I have sexual anxiety thinking the girl won't be satisfied with my penis. I dated this one girl who was a virgin and she kept telling me how I'm not buff or how my member wasnt as big as the other guys. And that it's way different compared to there's/a normal guys... This completely messed me up and I've been a mental wreck since then. And I've fallen in a massive amount of deppression and anxiety. Feeling even worse thinking it'll take years to change myself, cause I'm not good enough..

Also I'm comparing myself to the past guy she's been with, thinking he's better then me, more handsome, gets more girls then me, more rich - probably has a bigger member then me. Can't make these thoughts stop they're killing me.

My life is also not in order, (no car, apt, job) so I feel utterly pathetic as a man. There's probably more to it but this is the best I could phrase it for now.

_________________
"Be the flame, not the moth." - Casanova

My journal confessions-of-a-seducer-journey-to-gre ... 84193.html Online/Offline, Texting & Reports.

You need to start realising your value, buddy. What you've been doing lately is just lowering your value over and over again. You're basically thinking too much. Now I'm pretty sure you're not saying all this negative stuff, but a voice in your head is. So what you should do, is stop listening to this tiny little pathetic voice in your head.

In regards to the pm you sent me, yes, Phantom's book is brilliant. It's short but really effective to up your state. I do the exercises every morning on my way to work, and I swear nothing works as quickly as this.


Here's an exercise i've come up with from all the months of learning PUA:

Wake up in the morning, look at your phone. Turn on your camera and look at yourself in selfie mode. Adore that image that comes before you. Even if you feel like you don't, just look at it and realise how beautiful the picture is.

Go take a shower, and as you brush your teeth, look in the mirror. Realise how beautiful the image that comes before you looks. Even if you don't, just look at it and appreciate that it's there.

As you put on your clothes or make breakfast or whatever necessary it is in the morning, imagine a chalk board with two diagrams on it. One is yours, the other is a girl you always wanted or just some girl you've seen that you think is pretty hot. Now imagine writing down some of your insecurities, negative things about yourself, PARTICULARLY all that you wrote about yourself that you think that girl isn't gonna like. Next imagine writing down in her diagram, how powerful she is as a person. Sort of like this:
Notice how insecure you feel right now.

Now I want you to imagine flipping the names, and then saying it out loud. So it becomes like this.
Notice how good you'd feel. Notice that you're smiling right now.

Now with that feeling, continue with your morning routine, drive/ride/train/cab/bus/walk to work. Now imagine seeing a 50 foot statue right out there on the street, that looks like you, and has the same name as you. Notice how enormous he is. That 50 foot statue is your ego. Notice how you feel. Notice how you're smiling. Now imagine it walking to you, and retaining that extravagant ego, shrinking itself into you. Now YOU ARE the 50 foot ego. Notice how you feel about yourself. Notice how you feel about other people.

They are all tiny. You are fucking 50 feet tall. You can squish them anytime you want. They can't judge you, they can't disqualify you. You are fucking 50 feet tall, and remember that!

Now notice how you don't have mitigated speech anymore. You should speak loud and confident. You should speak with your diaphragm instead of your throat.

_________________
"Don't try to change who you are. Don't even think you're not good enough right now. You ARE good enough being who you are. Women can smell a fake man the same way you can smell cheesecake."

Hey Pinkfloyd, I'm just going to call you Pink (no offense lol)

This answer also answers to The Vacuum post (another great name)

First off Pink, thank you for your kind words about me. I do my best to help guys to find their true confidence within themselves.

Now to your question. What you're actually talking about in your post are LIMITING BELIEFS.

There are only 3 things stopping you from achieving confidence with yourself:

1. Number one is the STATE you habitually put yourself in.
2. Number two is your ability to face your FEAR.
3. Number three are your BELIEFS.

Beliefs are basically IDEAS of what you think is TRUE.

You can imagine them as being pilots of your body and mind. Whatever you believe, those pilots will then
lead your body and mind into a certain state.

So if you believe that you're handsome and attractive, then that pilot in your mind is going
to lead you into a state of feeling and behaving handsome and attractive.

If you believe that you're less attractive than other guys, and that women want guys who are buff or ripped, then those pilots are going to lead you into a state of feeling less attractive and insecure.

If you want to achieve confidence, you need to DISCOVER which of your beliefs are limiting you, and then
ELIMINATE them so they don't limit you anymore.

How do you eliminate your limiting beliefs?

The way you eliminate your limiting beliefs is by understanding what they really are.

Often when we have a belief, we assume that it is just the way it is. We never challenge or question our beliefs. We never even ask ourselves "Why do I believe that to be true in the first place?"

We function like we're on autopilot. We treat beliefs as the gospel truths, as if they
were FACTS, when in reality then are only partial perspectives.

Based on what you wrote in your post, I can extract certain limiting beliefs you have:

1. Women are more attracted to ripped guys, therefore, if she's with me, and one of my ripped friends
comes along, she's going to like him more.

2. My member is not big enough, so women will not be satisfied with me

So your first belief is that women are more attracted to ripped guys. But how many times have
you seen a guy who wasn't ripped hanging out with a very hot girl?

Some women prefer older guys - who mostly aren't ripped, but they are mature and can make them feel
a certain way.
Some women prefer short and chubby guys who make them laugh.

So is this idea that women want ripped guys really true? No, it is only partially true. Certain women may
like ripped guys, but not all.

Your second belief is that women are satisfied with big *members* only. I actually have a girl friend
who said that women are much more turned on by smaller *members*.

So whenever you say something is true, you're lying to yourself, because that is only a partial truth, not
the entire truth.

If you want to clear your head of limiting beliefs, you need to stop seeing them as facts, and start
seeing them as only partial perspective.

I developed a tool for eliminating your limiting beliefs called 360° degree belief destroyer. This tool
helps you see all the perspectives of something, so you get a more realistic view on something
that's limiting you - and by doing that, it doesn't limit you anymore.

You can find this tool in my book, The Natural's Way, in which I also dedicate the entire chapter on
limiting beliefs and how you can eliminate them. I recommend that you at least download the first three
chapters of the book for free on my website.

If you want deeper help and you're ready to take your inner game to the next level, you might also check
out my Natural's Way coaching program, in which I personally help you eliminate limiting beliefs,
break through your fear, eliminate anxiety and install confidence in you. You can get all the info on
my website.

Good luck with your progress, and keep us posted with how things work out for you.

In the meantime, if anyone else has questions let me know below, and I will do my best to answer it.

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Awesome dude, I'm glad you found it helpful. You might want to try out the AA Destroyer as well, it's also
extremely effective.

Keep up the good work,

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Hi Phantom, nice to meet you

Before I get with on with my question I just want to reverberate what Pink said, in that reading your responses you seem to have a immense amount of wisdom and experience, yet you're also willing to help out those who are now/ still have their own issues. Thanks a lot for this .

Anyway on to my question, I've been lurking around the PUA community for a very long time but haven't committed myself to any of the knowledge offered mainly because of my fear of breaking up a relationship.
I'm speaking from the perspective of a man who isn't looking for a LTR, so any break up to me isn't that big of a deal - plenty of fish out in the sea right?

On the other hand though, the thought of sleeping with a woman, then calling it quits down the track (whatever time later) only to leave her shattered, emotionally distraught and wanting more just doesn't sit well with me. I ultimately don't want to hurt any woman I get physical with with but women aren't wired like us, and sex to them is something of a completely different activity.

I know that these thoughts are somewhat irrational, but they stem from some events earlier in life. The first being when I rejected a girls advances after leading her on (naively thinking if she hated me she would forget me faster, and put the fault on me- stupid I know), and the second being that I tend of have a "I do what I want" attitude, which has always at least resulted in at least one person quite openly disliking me within any social circle I've joined.

As a result over the years, I've gone from somebody who was active in many social circles (although only invited to a few parties/get-togethers thanks to having a somewhat shady rep) to now who just only has one friend, my best friend (although mind you, I'm fine to be alone it never has bothered me).

I was wondering if you could help me with my dilemma? I would love to go out there and meet more women, hell possibly even hook-up with them all if my game ever gets that good, but the thought of hurting them after getting with them and pissing them off enough for them to hate me and/or get back at me just puts me off the endeavor entirely.

There is also the issue of me not having much going on in my life in that I'm a very poor kid in college, who still lives with his crazy family (whom I love with all my heart, but still crazy haha) with no car or job, crappy house etc, but this really doesn't bother me too much (I'm proud of who I am) as my fear of breaking up does.

Thanks for reading this btw, and sorry if this was a long write up.

Hey Unfair Advantage,

another guy with a lovely name, I just love this place

First off - a big thank you to you, and I also have to recognize you and every guy who steps up and
actually asks a question - not just pasively reads or surfs the topic. It takes guts to even reach
out and ask for help.

Ok, on to your question.

You've asked interesting couple of question.

First one is, what do you do when you want to break up with a girl and get out of the
relationship but you fear breaking up with your girlfriend?

Second you've asked, what do you do when you feel so much guilt about not being
able to give a woman a relationship after a one night stand?

And the third one is, what to do if you feel you don't have much going on in your life?

So let's take a closer look at the first one: What do you do when you want to get out
of the relationship but you're afraid of the breakup?

I think there is a point in every guy's life when he feels he should *upgrade* his seducing
skills and ability, and have fun a little bit. Explore what's out there, what are different women
like and generally smell some other roses.

Now, if a guy is single, he can go out and start doing that immediately - if he get's the courage
to do it of course.

But if the guy is in a relationship, the risk of losing that security of having someone in your life,
and the fear of exposing yourself in the dating world is sometimes too big. So usually a guy
won't do anything - he'll stay in a relationship because that's the "sensible" thing to do.

However, during the last several years while I was studying confidence and trying to figure
out what confidence really was - I came to a conclusion that you can put confidence in
basically one sentece - to stay true to yourself.

In other words, if you're in a relatinoship, and you really feel you want to get out and meet more
women and have more fun - and you feel that that is the right thing to do for you - then if you
don't do this, you are basically BETRAYING a part of yourself.

And you think it doesn't matter? It does. You will know and you will hurt yourself in the long run.

There is NO WAY that you can go AGAINST yourself and have it work out at the end.

I had a student who was in a similar situation like you. He was in a relationship, he wanted to get
out and explore the world a bit - but he was afraid of hurting the other person.

Well, couple of years later, his girl got pregnant with him - and he still wanted to explore other women.

What ended up happening is he didn't just messed up his life - or her life - he messed up the baby's
life as well, because he wasn't clear on what he wanted.

So my advice to you is listen to yourself. Stay true to yourself about what you REALLY want and
when you do, act with COURAGE.

You see, courage is accepting tough decisions even if some sort of loss or hurt is involved - because
you believe it is the right thing to do.

Hope this make sense to you.

As to your second question about girls being "emotionally shattered" because you dont want to date
them after that one night - well, that is a big, HUGE, arrogant statement from your part.

This is the most sexist statement you can ever make, because with it you're implying that women are
somehow below you, or that you have an unfair advantage over them - whadda you know, good ol'
subconscious is in action here.

Anyhow, women will NOT be emotionally shattered because you don't call them the next day - IF you're
not praying on insecure women and lie to them about your two future kids and a house with a white
fence - but you are open about your intentions - and most importantly, don't think that there's something
wrong with your intentions.

Because the way you structured your question, what I hear is "YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH A
GIRL AND THEN LEAVE HER THE NEXT DAY."

I'm hearing guilt from your part.

Maybe you were raised in a certain household where certain beliefs were instilled in you. In that case,
you need to review your beliefs and see them for what they are - and make them work for you.

I would totally recommend my book, The Natural's Way which you can find on amazon or my amazing
website (shameless promotion insert here) and help yourself with the chapter 4: BELIEFS.

I had a situation in my life, where I had a one night stand with the girl, and when I texted her the next
day - she responded with "Hey you don't get what a one night stand is?"

She basically told me in my face that she was the kind of girl who has one night stands and thats what
she wants to do at this point in her life.

So...check your beliefs.

And for your third question about not feeling you have much going on in life...well, BUILD your life so that you DO have much going on in it.

What I mean by this is ask yourself, what do I really want to do? Do I want to travel the world? Do I
want to have fun? Do I want to become massive success?

You are not a TREE. You are a man who can get up and get what he wants in his life. You live in a
free world and your options are virtually unlimited.

So if you don't have much going on in your life, it's probably because you never did anything to have it.

Now, some don't do much with their life because they don't feel they are WORTH as much. Some don't
do anything in their life because they are LAZY. And some don't do much in their life because they don't
feel ABLE to do anything.

In your case, I would guess that you don't think you're WORTH as much. And I'm not taking shots at you, but
just based on what you said about yourself, I would say that your sense of how much
you are worth inside, your deep belief that you keep only to yourself about your worth, is probably a bit
low.

So a good question to ask yourself is this:

1. What do I WANT for myself in life?
2. Do I feel I DESERVE and have PERMISSION to have that?

Try asking yourself these two questions, and notice what comes up for you.

If the answer to the second question is a NO, then say these words "I deserve to have that in my life. I
give myself permission to have that in my life."

And notice how you feel.

I hope I was able to help you clarify what's really true for your life, and if I did, that you'll
take what I said seriously, and use this stuff in your life.

Also, if you're interested in learning more about confidence, you can check out the community
I made specifically for building your confidence in life and around women.

Link's in the signature.

As for other guys, got questions about your life? Phantom has answers.

Ask and you shall receive an answer.

Phantom

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Hey Phantom, thank you so much for the response. This is definitely what I needed to hear but wasn't prepared to search for (or accept) on my own.
Especially this point here, which I couldn't agree with more. I've never thought about it from that perspective, but now that you mention it...it is somewhat sexist to think that every woman that I'll meet from here on out will be dependent on me for her happiness.

I'll definitely rework my beliefs, hopefully be more true to my intentions (and see how women respond).

Thank you Phantom