OK so im 22 years old and have never had a sexual relationship with a girlfriend. ive had sex with around 8 different women, but theyve all been drunken one night stands. im just feeling quite anxious and nervous on progressing to the dating / sexual relationship phase as i really dont have experience in this area of my life. i havent had a girlfrined since i was really young, i havent really dated, ive made attempts to start this process to get over these issues but ive been shot down when things start to get serious with the girls i wanna be with. ive even been shot down on the day i was meant to meet up with a girl and i feel as if they may feel uncomfortable because i am. am i not being ballsy enough in stating my intents with these girls and coming across too friendly. this lack of experience has left me with performance anxiety and dating anxiety in general, i dont know when, where or even how to date them, make them my girlfriend, what to say and lead to a sexual encounter (without being drunk lol) im a really confident guy in aspects of my life and if you met me you would never say i have this problem because. i feel its so uncommon and im a minority and my games even good to this point, i get number close, kiss close, and lay close,but cant seem to crack the serious stuff yet it seems so natural and easy flowing for all the other people i know who havent even got any game at all, theyre just normal guys with girlfriends, but theyre doing something right and im doing something wrong. i dont get it, its like because ive never done these things they seem alien and i question how to do and say everything right, am i just over analysing it all and need to get out there and do it until it becomes a normal part of my life? is it just a major confidence issue? any help and advice would be appreciated!, thanks

Important Questions:

-How many dates have you been on? Anything more than 3-5 is just way too long.
-Don't ask for sex. Just call her over and start taking off her clothes. If she flakes then just have sex with other girls.

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The ultimate lesson of psychoanalysis is that human life is never "just life": we are possessed by the strange drive to enjoy life in excess, attached to a surplus which derails the ordinary run of things.
-Slavoj Zizek

1. Stop relying on alcohol as your crutch to be social. Get pumped and amp up some loud music to get you in the mood. Drunken confidence is not real confidence. I'm not saying never drink, but you should never be so drunk that you cant remember what happened.

2. Get really good at sex. The reason you remain " just a one-night stand" is because you're either too drunk or too shit in bed to keep the girls coming back for more. Get good at sex, this is key.

First let me thank you for both replies, in reply to confidence matters I've only ever been on one date so I think I just need to start doing that a lot to build the confidence, and as far as the direct approach to sex I'll imply that method. And in Reply to hunter_foxe the problem isn't how good I am as I have had girls come back, but you are right in saying that alcohol is my sometimes my vice for being social, I really do need to cut this bad habit, so this is a question to you both, is the game as straight forward as it sounds with regards to sex,dating,relationships with the idea to just go for it over and over again to be come a custom to it and for it to no longer be an issue, is a purely a case of systematic desensitization ?

You need to offer value to a girl if you want her to stick around. If you wake up the next morning with a girl and she realises the only thing you had in common the night before was alcohol and if the only emotional connection you have right now is a hangover, she is not gonna stick around. It's not about finding commonalities, this is a common mistake. She doesn't need to like the same movies and music as you. Disagree on stuff, create the masculine / feminine polarity, create emotional peaks and troughs. Be a fucking man.

What is your ambition in life? What drives you? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? The girl wants to see that you can provide her with a rollercoaster of emotions, she doesn't want to be seen to be dating a loser. Keeping women attracted long-term is more than just fucking her the best and giving her orgasms. Of course without fucking her, she won't stick around, amazing sex is a big part of it, but don't just assume that if the sex is good, but you're boring as fuck as a person that she will remain with you forever. She needs a full range of emotions, not just sex, if she is gonna start seriously dating you. If your life revolves around relying on getting drunk to be social, she will realise the next morning that you're no longer that fun social guy from last night, that you're not the real deal, and that your confidence the night before came from the alcohol, not you. Once this happens, you are fucked, she loses attraction and you're done. Don't be that guy. Don't be that guy whose life is just going to work, going out drinking, playing X-Box, going on YouTube/Facebook and watching movies on your widescreen TV. Find your drive in life, what is your passion? What would you be doing if you weren't picking up women? Do you play guitar? Do you write books? Do you paint? Do you go skydiving? Share your aura with women you like. Women want to be a part of the Hollywood movie of your life. They don't want to re-live the same experience they've had with chode boyfriends in her past, they want something different. What is different about you? Share it with her. Lead the interactions and let her get sucked into your reality. Once you can control this frame, the girl will get hooked, in some cases, she will let you fuck other women just to keep you around. They would rather ANYTHING than be with the boring XBox guy.

As far as my hobbies go I'm a boxer at a competitive level, and I'm joining the army in under two months. And now I think about what you said in the last reply, although I do have confidence to a certain level, I'm not giving things the value I need to or take the correct steps (cutting back on alcohol etc:) to take things to the next level and be who I want to be, I'm gathering from what you are saying is it's just about as much as becoming that person and more taking action and less talking about it to over time make the adjustments I need to make in my life. Thing is I know I'm a great guy and I have a lot to offer, as I said if you met me you would never say I'm the person writing this, but I appreciate all the advice greatly and things there have been interesting to get a different perspective on things, I suppose I over analyze how to date right and sexually escalate correctly into starting a serious (and sober) sexual relationship with a girl, when in fact there is no perfect way and the problem has been me all along