I just saw a woman ask the question, "How do I approach a guy without embarrassing myself?"

I thought this was an interesting questions because I've never seen a guy ask this before. I've never seen a guy concerned with embarrassment as a consequence of approaching.

If a woman is interested in a guy, her reasons for hesitating will generally be different from the reasons a guy would hesitate to approach a woman.

A dude wouldn't ask how he could approach a woman without EMBARRASSING himself. He'd want to know how to approach a girl without getting rejected. He'd want to know how to succeed in taking things all the way from point A to point B.

All we think about is achieving the desired goal while avoiding the failure of said desired goal.

Women, on the other hand, care a hell of a lot more about the social context and what other people think of them.

QUICK! When's the last time you embarrassed yourself in public?
Personally, I can't even think of an embarrassing moment within 5 seconds, but women sure as hell will be able to. Hell, as a PUA I've conditioned myself to be almost immune to public embarrassment. Embarrassment in public ain't shit to us, but it feels like a death sentence to a woman.

A man's world simply isn't as heavily affected by other people's judgment as it is in a woman's world (this isn't to say that either men or women are better in any way since there are advantages and disadvantages to either side). Approaching guys or doing anything risky can do A LOT more damage for them.

That being said, you're being absolutely ridiculous if you expect things to be fair with approaching; you're being absolutely ridiculous if you think more women should approach men to make things easier for men. It is the nature and responsibility of man to take the risks. One of the big reasons for this is that we can take consequences like embarrassment and still stand strong afterward.

So embrace your nature as a man and step forward, because if you don't, no one's gonna do it for you.

But people who ask that question don't necessarily have matching intent and action.

IMO Rejection = Embarrassment

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Even thou you do have a point Chief, guy above nailed it basically;

The only difference here is the word both sexes use: a women might say embarassment, a man on the other hand: rejection.

You say potatoes, I say potetoes.

Here is the thing: I don`t think men are affraid of being rejected by itself, the same applies for women. People is affraid of being humilieted by the act of rejection.

One thing you nailed: women tend to have much more social pressure than us men.

A classic example is a cold approach on a bus: A man does it, not a single dude will laugh about him if rejected, when on the other hand I`m pretty sure you`ll be able to see girls smiling after seeing a rejection from a guy to a girl.

The only reason dudes don't talk about "embarrasement" is that they are so afraid of embarrasement, they're embarrased to even talk about it. It's the pride, ego, etc. . .

The younger guys often talk about "protecting their rep" as an excuse for not approaching. You'd think that a "rep" for being a virgin who never gets laid doesn't need much protecting. Any how, I am pretty certain that "protecting my rep" is code for, "I am embarrassed."

And this is exactly why women fear social embarrassment a lot more than men.

Any way you slice it, women are more concerned with social judgment than men are.
But I think we can and should expect better from PUAs and PUAs-to-be

Risk avoidance is a lot more of a feminine characteristic and risk-taking is a lot more of a masculine one.
Those younger guys are making such excuses because they're still boys denying their manhood.

You might be mistaking 'carelessness' with 'risk taking'. . . you might be mistaking 'idiocy' with 'bravery'. The guy who protects his girlfriend by stepping in front of her and 5 dudes is brave. . . but he could also be an idiot if he could have ended the conflict with a quick conversation instead of getting his head bashed in by 5 thugs.

"I don't give a fuck," is entirely different from "I really do give a fuck . . . but I am willing to risk it."

I`m going to take the risk of seasing this opportunity and ask about a little something more deep:

Checking back on my steps, a long time ago I thought I manager to pull this "I don`t give a fuck about others opinions" mentality.

Well I thought I`ve nailed it, but turns out it was bullshit.

To summarize it shortly: I simply listen to people and don`t listen to people. Only a few are granted with my full atention, and when people in general advice me I think they are wrong and I shouldn`t even care about keep listening.

What I`m trying to say here is that for a long time now, I`ve given not a single fuck about what others say to me, specially women; and now I`m starting to worry that I might have made a mistake back at that time reading some pua book or whatever. I might have misunderstood the messege, I tend to do that a lot.

My question is: where is the balance in not giving a fuck at all and actually accepting advice? Where do you draw the line between being brave and being an idiot?

absolutely right. take the risks and embarrassment and go out there and talk to at least one girl.
having sexual intimacy is one of the greater joys in living life and each one of us has a set number of years left to live life on this earth. you may have 50 years left to live. i may have only 10. so why not go out there and embarrass yourself a couple of times. you never know what could happen. and remember, failure is always an option. actually failure is the most readily available option and its your choice to fail by not even approaching a girl or leaving all possibilities open by just saying hi.

There is no balance. This is like asking what is the balance between an orange and an apple. These things exist in two different planes.

On one hand, you have the anal expulsive "I don't give a shit" attitude. My opinion is that this attitude stems from anger. Seriously. . . when do you most hear the exact words, "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" - It usually comes out of the mouth of somebody really angry. Sure, you can say it quietly, "I don't give a shit. . . " - and it's still a passive aggressive job. And where does anger come from?

I am not particularly a Star Wars fan but Yoda was right. FEAR leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate leads to suffering.

Angry athletes, angry business folks, angry people in general . . . they talk about this emotion as if they have control over it. They love to tell folks that it's merely a tool for progression but progression is not what they have in mind. They are angry because they're drowning in fear. Fear of losing, loneliness, failure, etc. . . And anybody who dwells with too much anger becomes hateful. . .

Here's an analogy that works: You chase a cat around the room for a while and it's playful. . . but if you corner it and it becomes FEARFUL of you. You hiss at it enough and don't let it get out and what does the cat do? It hisses back and claws at you. (Anger) Now you do this to the cat every day for a while? (Hate) And then do this for even longer? (Suffering. . . actually. . . even disease)

In terms of PU. . . you'll get girls no matter what you do. . . but over time, you will recognize a pattern. You will see that your "I don't give a shit" friends will always attract the girls who love "I don't give a shit". You will see that the guys who give a shit will always attract girls who love "giving a shit".

I do not believe that this is a choice.

I wish my crush would see this.

I see were you are going, but what indeed is a choice is breaking the pattern. Via Artful`s journal I noticed that I share a patter with women. I`m actually looking for that when talking to em, I don`t know if it`s meditation changing my point of view on things; but now that sometimes I`m AWARE of were I`m heading, I can change the way I approach girls.

I totally agree, this I don`t give a fuck mentality made me a more angry person on the inside. I do say it in a furious way, when I shouldn`t be even saying it on the first place. Tolle made me a bit more aware of the traps that my own mind tends to me.

Still I believe that the balance must exist because the one thing in common both approaches share is YOU, the person behind that mentality. That`s what can change, and I`m tending to think that sense of humour can go a long way with this.

Not only about others and specific situations, but on yourself and on life. I`m done with forgetting my own mortality, my time is finite here and can`t be wasted this much.

As the others have pointed out...

Embarrassment = Feeling

Rejection = Logical Result of an Action

One is a female perspective and the other is a male perspective for the same outcome viewed from a pessimistic p.o.v.

The male pessimist is someone who looks at a sexy and beautiful girl and thinks about how her shit stinks and her NOT washing her pussy after taking a pee. The male optimist is someone who sees the same hot girl and thinks about how her wet pussy is sliding up and down his dick.

There's an even worst variant of the pessimist. The female pessimist thinks that she might fart while trying to get laid with a hot guy. That is the anticipation of embarrassment before it even occurs.

You can say that women focus on the journey (good or bad) while men focus on the destination (good or bad).

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