DAY 0

Meet Aurelius
I'm Aurelius and I am an AFC.
I am 20 years of age.
Things weren't always that way.
The same time around last year I got out of a relationship, the best one yet.
The girl ends up in another mans arms and I am forever alone for 2013.

I have just finished college (university) and had a blast until the last 1.5 years where everything kinda turned to shit.

I used to be so comfortable in my own skin and unafraid of expressing myself the good and bad.
Prior to my last years of college/university I was more unafraid, daring, comfortable, confident and carefree.
I had more control and dictated the terms and direction of an interaction.
Nowadays, I'm freakin nervous and self conscious at times when it comes to members of opposite sex.


Basically, I am back at square one.

What I've learned
-I'm an AFC and I must change that and take action
-I have to move forward and leave the past

My long term goals
-Be comfortable with interactions with women
-Be carefree around women
-Attract women
-Express myself freely in whatever situation


Short term goals
-Kill AA
-Become socially competent
-Take action immediately
-Push limits
-Don't wuss out e.g ejecting early.


This is a learning journal so I discourse and critique.
I would like to hear the thoughts and opinions of others.

You've got my ears.

_________________
Heres to our children, may their fathers be rich and their mother be beautiful

DAY 1
Attempts to conquer anxiety


So this is a major sticking point at the moment and has been for a while.



In field
So this was utterly bad.
I decided day-game was better for what I was trying to accomplish which was to refine my social skills.
I always go out at night and solo day-game was totally out of my comfort zone which I needed.
I decided to head out to the main business district.
It has been freakin hot, like 100-110 degrees Fahrenheit for the last few days which isn't going to change for the most part of the week.

-The first girl I was going to approach was a cute South American/Latin girl talking on a phone.
Nobody was really in the vicinity to see me fail but I couldn't do it.
I was planning to stop her conversation and tell er to get off the phone so we could talk but my nerves got the best of me.

-The second girl was a tall blonde sitting down on the bench listening to her iPod.
Thought about and let my mind convince me out of it.

-Saw a brunette sitting down under the shade watching the game on a big screen.
After I saw her I walked past to go to the bathroom to prepare myself to approach her.
Walked by her and looked at her. My feet did not want to walk over and allow me to sit next to her.
Chode mode activated.

-Saw a Milf sitting down.
Same shit as before.
Walked past one time and walked by another.
I was walking towards her and then at the very last second I veered in the other direction.


-So there was like a setup next to the brunette watching the tennis.
It was like a sports booth or something.
Anyway, I noticed before that there was a cute girl working there.
I didn't think about what I was going to say, I just walked there and opened.

Me: Lame ass canned opener
Her: *Nervous sounding fake laugh* thanks
Me: My name is Aurelius and I had to meet you.
Her: My name is sports booth chick
I shook her hand.

Then she suggests that I take a seat and watch the sports.
I fell for it and ask if this and that player was going to be playing.
She asks the guy working at other booth if the player was in the tournament.
Then she switches and I'm stuck with the guy while she tends to a family.

-Saw a blonde who was alright, in a cafe.
AA.

Finally after hours in the sun, I decided to call it a day.
One the way home I saw a girl standing outside the station.
I didn't think and I just walked towards her.
I opened with a corny ass canned opener (one that complimented her looks).
She said thanks put her earphone back in and I walked away.
The execution was awful.

In the station I saw two gorgeous girls who looked like sisters.
I had a line I was going to use but couldn't muster up the courage.



Thoughts and Reflections
So I did two approaches.
In terms of productivity that is awful considering how much time I spent.
I think I let the sports booth babe off too easily.
I think I should have changed the topic about me and her.

I can approach. It's that I over-complicate a task that seems menial to some.
When I clear my thoughts and walk with the intent to talk to a girl its simple.
What happens after that isn't pretty but I need to get the approach down pat before anything.


Thing I've learned
-I can definitely approach without any anxiety affecting me but I am still a long way out before I can say I'm over it. I've done approaches before but it seems like they don't get any easier for me despite experiencing many rejections.

-I've got to stop thinking about the actual approach. Less thinking, more doing.

-It's not so bad to get shut down. 5 Minutes later and I'm good as new. The worst feeling comes after when you don't try and you do nothing.


I was also thinking that maybe I should actually get to know the person in front of me like their interests, hobbies, education, aspirations etc. Like having a genuine interest in others. They say that the most interesting person is an interested person.

I think I should just either approach within 3 seconds of seeing a girl or just forget about the girl and move on to the next. Walking by and thinking about how to go about it does not seem cool.

Question: How does one internalize and implement certain ways of thinking, beliefs, values etc. ?

Open the MILFs. No matter how bad you fuck it up they've prbly heard worse. Your mindset on rejection is perfect. don't worry about it you'll be good as new. The worst part of rejection is letting it slow you down, focus on that, don't let it slow you down. Play the numbers game, talk to lots of females.

_________________
Heres to our children, may their fathers be rich and their mother be beautiful

Day 2
Nobody said it was gonna be easy.


Another stinking hot day and more AA.
Battling the sun, the heat and myself is no fun.


Infield

-Saw a cutie sitting down during lunch.
Was about to open but walked past.
I was about to walk up to her again but when I got there someone else had just sat nearby.
The thought of getting a stare after a possible rejection spooked me.

The same pattern kept repeating itself for hours.
Just walking past not opening.

Finally, I opened some girl who was working at Walmart at the front.

Me: Lame ass canned opener
Her: What?
Me: Repeat Lame ass canned opener
Her: If you go to the front desk they may be able to help you
Me: It was because you were cute, *links with canned opener*
Her: That's just silly
Me: Never mind /walks away

This is kind of unrelated to pickup but on the bus home there was a cute petite girl standing up as there were no seats left. The bus was packed like a can of sardines.
Anyway, an old man was getting off his stop and the girl was eyeing that seat he was sitting in.
A man who was more closer took the seat.
I was thinking moments later, I should offer my seat to her because she had been standing since the station.
I was under no illusion of thinking she would reward me in anyway.
I would be doing it out of compassion.
I've offered my seat on public transport to people who probably need it more to me in the past.
I did come up with a neat little rhyme to get her attention but I stayed quiet throughout.


After this I went to Target to buy some shirts.
I told the cashier she had beautiful eyes and she said thank you.
She seemed receptive.


Thoughts and reflections
So with the interaction with the Walmart chick, I realized I ejected to early once again.
30 seconds after walking away, various things popped up in my head which I could have said or used to either recover or link with the canned opener.

When I approached the Walmart girl, I didn't think about the approach or anything. I just walked and then action.

I'm still trying to get over my nerves.
I'm perfectly comfortable and sociable around people who I already know.
It's hard applying that same level to strangers.



What I've learned
-Beautiful women are in abundance. There were plenty of beautiful girls out and yet, I couldn't bring myself to talk to any of them.

-I'm seeing a pattern of things that happen when I approach. When my mind is clear there is no pressure.

-I can be a little creative sometimes. But the scenario doesn't always play out the way in reality then it does in your mind.


Goals
-Clear my mind. If I can't do it completely maybe I should think of something that makes me happy or things I enjoy.

-Be able to act on impulse. Know what you want and go for it.

Victory,

If I lived in a city with the abundance of apparently gorgeous gals that you have at your selection, most of which appear unaccompanied, I would be in heaven.

I realise that AA is something difficult to overcome, but at least you were in a relationship before and know what it is to have been intimate with a woman, and enjoyed her company and feminity. Imagine for a second what it would be like if you had never been with a woman before, and were trying to sarge on this premise?

You've got good things going for you judging by your recent past and you natural demeanour. Not sure where you are based, but when I was in Australia over the December vacation, I found that approaches were remarkably easy when you went if with a positive, happy and playful vibe rather than the with the mindset of hooking up.

Cheers.

Day 3
Change of scenery

Getting ready
So I decided to change things up a little bit since approaching in the day wasn't working for me yet.
I did have a lot more success in terms of approaching and followed my little routine of getting over my approach anxiety.
Basically it involved just not thinking about the approach and walking over.
For some reason I was thinking about strawberries.
I think I feel a little more relaxed during the night for some reason.

On the way back home I saw the cute petite office worker chick again.
We locked eyes for a brief moment but then we were swamped by the other commuters.
Oh well.

For some reason I left the house feeling good.
I was wearing nice clothes, nice shoes nice cologne, I was cleanly shaved.
I had also had a new hairstyle. My hair had been like a birds nest for a year so I had it cut a few days ago.


Out at night
So my old university buddies invited me out for a drink a few days ago.
During the year after my break up, I had denied their offers.
I think physically, emotionally and socially, I was out of shape.
I decided to take them up on their offer this time.


In field
I arrived an hour and a half early to do some warm ups.
So I was walking around and I spot this theater holding a comedy show.
It piqued my interest a bit.
Anyway, I spotted a milf who was handing out flyers for the event.
I decided, ah, what the hell? She looks good so I might as well.

Me: Corny ass canned opener
Her: /Acts surprised
Her: Did somebody dare you to say that?
Me: No, I just thought you were cute so I had to come over here and say it
Her: /Flattered
Me: So what are you doing this evening?
Her: Just working handing these out /hands me a flyer
Her: You should come
Me: You should be working tonight, you be out having fun!
Her: Yeah, well gotta pay the bills
Her: /drops flyers

I offered to help but she picked them and then I just ejected.
Turns out she was British, going by her accent.
Totally boring and generic conversation.
That's how bad I've become.
I also forgot to introduce myself lol.


I saw a chubby goth looking girl handing out flyers and approach her for shits and giggles.
Approached with yet another corny line and she seemed receptive.




On my way to the bar I saw a cute brunette sitting down on a bench.
So, 1,2,3. I forget everything in my mind and walk over there.

Me: Hey there
Her: Hey
Me: I just thought you were pretty and I thought I had to say it
Her: Thanks
Me: My name is Aurelius
Her: My name is clothing store worker
/Shakes hands
Me: So what are you doing tonight?
Her: Oh working tonight
Me: Work?! You should be getting all dolled up and going out with your friends. Drink, dance and smoke you know?
Her: My feet are killing me so I think I'm gonna have a quiet night in
Me: Boo
Her: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Just drinking with my friends
Her: Sounds fun

So it was such a dry conversation on my part and she was uninterested so I just shook hands with her and ejected.


On my way to the bar I saw a thick blonde sitting by herself in Starbucks.
Now I hesitated a bit. My bad habit of wavering kicked in and I walked by Starbucks twice.
Finally, I decided to pull the trigger and walk in.

I don't remember much of the conversation.
So I open her and tell her she's cute and I had to say it.
She blushes and thanks me.
So I asked her what it was that she was doing.
Turns out, she was studying.
I tease her about studying in Starbucks in the evening.
She then says that exams are approaching and that she is stressed out about them.
I ask her where she is from and she tells me she is from France.
She then tells me she is going to Hong Kong in a few weeks.
I tease her a little more and flatter her a bit.
She asks me what I was doing and I tell her I was going to go out drinking with my friends.

She seemed very receptive. She was smiling, flicking her hair and asking me questions.
I couldn't bring myself to close.
I eject.


So I meet my friends at the bar and we got hammered I did a few approaches at the bar but I didn't get very far.
After a night of drinks, me and one of my friends decide to grab a burger.
After finishing, we head to the station.
Both of us were tipsy.
We walk to the lights and some random girl out of nowhere just pukes on the sidewalk.
It was green and orange and I could see what she had for dinner.

I didn't know it at first but I approached her friend.
I told her she's damn fine and that we should go to Vegas and get married.
I put her arms around her.
She seems receptive.
I tell her we should go to her house and fuck.
She tells me I should prove myself as a man first.
I tell her I'll do that when we get to her place.

My friend is hitting on the puke girl.
He has his hands on her boobs.
The girl I was with tells me we should let them be.
So we are walking at the crossing and she tells me how to get to a certain club.
Well, they get in a taxi to the club and my friend tells me that was the puke girl he was hitting on.
I did not know that until he told me.



Thoughts and reflections
Should've, could've, would've.
I should have done more with the milf, the French girl and the friend of the puke girl.
All these interactions had an unsatisfactory outcome as it felt like I could have done alot more with them.
I think when the friend of the puke girl challenged me to show her that I was a man, I should have grabbed her by the hand and tell her to close her eyes and go for the makeout. Dunno but I think the makeout would have answered her challenge.

This is a weakness of mine but it felt like I was playing not to lose.
The boring conversations are an example.
I used to always talk about random shit sprinkled with the occasional ridiculous statement.
It feels like I'm not working towards a certain goal.
In other words, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I'm running around like a headless chicken at times.

The bedroom quickly passed through my mind as I was interacting with the friend of pukey.
All of my actions should have been carried out to get there but the very last step, I didn't have the courage to pull it off. But the thought of that last step didn't occur to me until it was all over. All of my actions after she challenged me, I didn't know what direction I was going.

I haven't gotten over approach anxiety. There were many times were I chickened out. I feel like I'm getting more and more capable as I see that the effects of rejection are temporary (embarrassment for 5 mins).




What I've learned
-It's important to have a clear goal in your mind. Take all the necessary steps to reach that goal.

-My interactions are stale and I'm boring the shit out of every girl. I'm censoring myself.

-It feels like I'm too conservative with my actions and words. Maybe too concerned about saving face and not causing the situation to become awkward.

-I can approach. Keep going, I have a long way to go though.