Type of Routine: Prelock-in DHV

The last time I was at this club, there a huge line up to get in because there was some event going on. So as I am standing outside looking at the line, I leaned over to this girl standing beside me, and I am like “How the hell are we going to get in there?”. We start talking. It turns out she is an actress, and we put together this half-baked story that our friend is inside and she is really drunk and might not be safe. We walk up to the bouncers, and she starts balling. Tears are running down her face. It was an Oscar winning performance! The bouncer is so awkward, he is speechless. So he let us in out of discomfort. That’s when I realized how deceptive women are – you are all evil!

World Traveller
Type of Routine: Prelock-in DHV
This routine is best used when the group asks “How are you?”

I am feeling fantastic! My friends and I just flew in from Austraila. We spent two weeks there doing a….well let’s just call it an adventure….because I don’t know you that well. We spent the last four days hitting the waves in Surfers Paradise. (to the obstacles) You would have loved it! (to the target) Of course I am guessing you would be the boring one in the group…the one who is afraid to get in the water and just lies on the beach.

Successful Risk Taker & World Traveller
Type of Routine: DHV

I was in Australia recently and my friends decided to be adventurous and fly in a tiger moth plane which is like a roller coaster on crack. Picture an old world war 1 plane with the propeller at the front, open cock-pit, and dual wings. No safety features built into this thing. I had no parachute. There was no eject button. And everywhere in the cock pit was written “WARNING DO NOT PULL LEVER”, “DO NOT TOUCH”, “DO NOT PUT HANDS HERE”. The pilot takes me up to 5000 feet and we are doing loop do loops. We are flying upside down. Then we go into a nose dive. I feel one of the levers push forward, and the engines cuts out. I am waiting for the pilot to freak out before I say “excuse me I think I just killed the engine.” The propeller has now come to a complete stop and we are just falling to the ground. Just as I am getting my hands in position to take off my seat belt and jump out, I hear the engine start up like an old lawn mower.

Fun Bar Bet Game
You: I will make you a bet. All you have to do is not say the number seventy. If you win, I will by you a drink…and I never buy girls drinks! But if I win, I like a rum and coke
Her: Okay
You: What is 10+10?
Her: 20
You: Multiplied by 4?
Her: 80
You: Plus 60
Her: 140
You: Divided by 10
Her: 14
You: Plus 3
Her: 17
You: Gotcha! I win!!!
Her: No - you said seventy!
You: Now I win

This game works because it plays on one of the fundamental principals of human nature – ego. The girl will want to defend her own ego by reminding you of the rules of the game, and without even thinking about it, says the number that she wasn’t allowed to say.