GF turned very manipulative past few months. And she is a pro at it. She is making up blatant far fetched lies about me and telling her friends and family. In the past she has usually tried to make me look dumb in front of her friends right off the bat. Telling and turning stories into false things. I do not understand why she makes up far fetched lies about me.

Yesterday I delayed our meeting time 1.5hrs and told her hour before she said ok. When we met she told me it is my fault and tried to make me feel guilty she has not ate because we were to meet sooner. (*We never had direct plans for dinner)


I spoke to her about these issues and she does not see this and she believes her lies. It is flight or fight and she threatens to break up with me and turns old situations into drama when it never was, to use against me when i bring this issue up.


I am very social and usually the one who talks to everyone and tells jokes in social situations and she is a control freak. She does not like this.

She is super jealous her friends are married or having baby(s) and blames me for this.

Hard thing is I do care about her.



How would you handle this? Has this happen to you before?

Man, you got yourself a drama queen... My advice, have a long, and I mean really long, conversation with yourself about this relationship and the way it's making you feel. Do not assume people change, they don't... so accept her as she is, without trying to change her, or move on... I was in a similar situation with a crazy ex-GF some two years ago, she went ballistic every time she imagined I was looking at other women, went bat shit crazy when I didn't answer the phone... the relationship was a mess, and two months into it, I gave up and broke it off... got back together five months later, after she said she understood the reason I ended the relationship and swore she'll never do it again... guess what, two weeks later, big drama when she left the city for a few days and I went out one evening with my buddies... keep one thing in mind... PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE!!! that should save you the time it takes to figure it out...

Thanks for the quick response RED.
You are correct people do not change just tough when you care about them.
Seems like simple attributes to change if you care about the other person.

I talked to her about the issues and how she talks crap about her good friends.
A few days later she was talking crap again about her good friend to me. Total insecure BS. I thought she would have listened to what I said but I guess not.

I am trying to equal it all out so I understand it but she does not even when I ask her why. I guess she is that bitter insecure of a person. That is sad.

When one or both partners use threats to the relationship as a tactic, it is usually the beginning of the end. Above and beyond all else that must stop immediately. I've been there before. My partner and I had managed to put an end to that and are working toward more healthy patterns of communication. Telling your partner you're leaving the relationship is a threat if it comes under duress. It actually creates pain in the brain in the same area physical pain is sensed. Cortisol floods through your body and your nervous system activated (fight or flight). This is extremely unhealthy for both of you and any reaction short of walking away while you're in such a state will only add fuel to the fire.

I would have a conversation, once things cool, letting her know how it makes YOU feel (stay on you, not her or what you THINK she may or may not be doing - only she knows this, the rest is just speculation). How it makes you feel torn inside, rejected, etc. Also let her know that in those moments where there is a rel threat you need to take care of yourself. This means walking away from her and doing whatever it is you need to take to be compassionate to yourself and feel ok again. Only once you feel ok again can you focus on the relationship again and hopefully move forward after resolving the crisis.

Ideally we don't want things to reach crisis to begin with, but this won't happen overnight, it'll take work and if you choose to stay you will need to learn to be patient, and it is extremely important to use your bodily reactions as a gauge and RESPONDING to them (e.g., walking away, going for a walk instead of engaging with her, workout, chat with a friend (so long as it's not obsessing over the relationship), go to a movie, paint, play the guitar).

You have only control over yourself. The more you respond to her in a negative state the more unconscious you become and the two of you are locked into a battle of egos.

So when you feel that you're losing control, take a deep breath or two, step back, and do the opposite of what you normally do (walk away rather than engaging her). Remember, behind every behavior is a motivation. Threats such as this are designed to pull you in, if you do the opposite you will over time extinguish the behavior (the threats, in this case).

Sounds like she is a pathological liar and has mental issues. Dump time. How old are you?

Edit: read your threads to find out your age as I was wondering if you were really young. You've posted recently 2 days ago and a couple months ago about other girls you were trying to go out with. Are you trolling or just a cheating bf? I think maybe if this is even real, that you're screwing this girl over.

Hey man, just stumbled upon this article, I thought might be useful to you...

http://markmanson.net/6-toxic-habits

I agree with the above posts: drop her and run. Far.
Keep in mind, that people will treat you the way you let them. Now that you know what manipulation looks like, you can avoid it in the future.

Al

Thanks Red! That article hits it right on and almost a bio of her and her insecurities.
They have all been there from the beginning. I have even been blamed for things that happened in her life years before we met. One example is a divorce.

When I have brought these things up in a nice way and want to discuss them it is just an argument and flight or flight from her. I can not communicate with her.
I am very laid back and level headed and she gets upset about this cuz she is a control freak.

I cant talk to anyone out and about like the article mentions-guys or girls. If I do she wants to leave immediately and will find some dumb reason to leave.

Talked to her this afternoon and she was having a bad work day and she was a jerk to me immediately like I caused it.

All this these attributes have been there but the past few months they have escalated crazy. She is almost like a different person and lost personality. I am wondering if she is super depressed. She mentioned to me the other week she has no security in her life at all. And again tried to blame me and make me feel like its my fault when I have nothing to do with her day job.

I just do not understand why people are like this especially if they care about someone. The only thing I can come up with is it is how they were brought up. Not from a very compassionate loving family.


Red this is another example of how it has been lately: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People