Much of success with women is quite short term, more or less hit and quit it.

Almost all of the time that I try to establish anything more than a one night stand or a fling, I fail. I have tried not trying to show interest, and showing a lot of interest and attention. Neither seem to work. I have gotten lucky a few times.

Is it possible that the type of energy I project and the women I attract don't allow me to have a healthy relationship? I usually project the attitude that I am care free, love to party and have fun, but don't judge. Furthermore I seem to attract insecure girls that have relationship issues. My few success have been with women that already have boyfriends, or girls on the rebound. My guess is that I represent something that the typical boyfriend isn't. I would like to have a relationship, but almost every time I try to purse one, I end up fucking, and getting hurt. Like I said I have tried all different sorts of approaches.

Sometimes I go for weeks without trying to hookup with the hope that taking time off will help me find and focus on something meaningful. Time off doesn't seem to work, and I end up going back to banging girls I know and care for very little.

Has anyone gone through this, or know a solution?

My guess is that my issue has something to deal with inner game. My family life was far from healthy, and many of my first experiences with women where somewhat ominous intimate interactions. Most of the time as soon as a brief relationship turns intimate, either I leave or the girl leaves. I haven't been in a healthy relationship, and so I don't know what is like, or how acquire one.

Any input would help, I'm incredibly confused since most game material just teaches you how to hookup. Maybe 'game' is responsible, I'm not sure.

Additionally, please no comments about having sex as soon or as often as I can, and everything will fall into place. I'm pretty good at getting girls to hookup with me, so I'm pretty sure that's not the issue.

I am in exacly the same situation as you. My game is pretty good (at least good enough) but I don't seen to manage to get healthy relationships. I just fucked up a relationship after only 2 weeks..(another one). I didn't find yet a solution.

I think that there is a lot of work to be put in if you want a relationship rather than a quick shag.

You need to think about what qualities a girl would look for if she wants to settle down.

1. Be a secure person with emotional stability, someone who she can rely on.

2. Be in control of your own life, have long term goals, carreer ideas etc.

3. Have a life, have hobbies, take care of yourself.

4. Forget game. Relationships are not about creating attraction, negging, or power struggle. It's also not about whos being in control and who has the upperhand. It's teamwork and requires effort and compromise.

Many guys can pull off a one night stand. But to keep a girl, different story. There are good threads here about relationships.

Read the one instinct wrote that's quite good.

I am the exact same way, Actually three years ago I was into the community hardcore and seriously had a diff girl every night of the week, best accomplishment was three in one day then I found "the one" she was 13 years younger than me and had a smoking hot body, I ended up hanging up my game and last new years proposed to her over this past year however I got extremely comfortable, let her into my head and my inner person, about a month ago I found out she was cheating on me and we have broken it off. im 36 years old and come to realize that we are born alone and we die alone, everything else is just hook-ups long term or short should be your decision, I pushed my girl away by becoming to comfortable, you have to be strong and secure with your inner self to know what you really want. Now for me I have alot of work mentally and physically to get back to my cocky/funny self but realize if I get back where I was 3 years ago Ill be a much better/happier person.

Your situation underscores why most of PUA does not transition at all into healthy, long-term relationships.

Sometimes the best way to grow as a person is through asking yourself good questions. Why is it that you have this drive to seek-out short-term pleasure often at the expense of long-term fulfilment? I know some here will counter with the argument that we aren't monogamous creatures, so its inherent that as males we 'soak' our wild oats, so-to-speak. I see many posts of cynical attitudes towards women, many of them thinly veiled mysoginism.

The 'player' is often the weaker man. Armed with a few simple techniques a guy soon learns he can have a different woman for each day of the week. It is not hard bedding women. It is also not hard to develop an addictive mind that seeks out the next thrill or rush in external things. This may extend to the abuse of substances, but also behaviours such as gambling, driving really fast, women...ANYTHING that will temporarily alleviate boredom or the mundacity of life, and even distract the person from processing through their own emotions. These are all sideshows, we do them for a reason (they do serve a function, regardless of how "insane" they may appear to be to others).

I'm getting the sense you're beginning to realize that the "player" lifestyle is vacuous. It serves the ego; the part of you that is externally focused and enslaves you to fill the inner lack within with 'things' (e.g., other people). Until you learn to be comfortable with yourself, and meet your own needs you will endure suffering. Acceptance of yourself is what will ultimately liberate you, give you your salvation and only then will you be able to experience true joy and fulfilment from those around you.

That said, the earlier you drop "game", the more honestly you can begin to live. Thankfully I dropped "game" long ago. It never felt authentic to me, and I knew I could never have a healthy relationship depending on ego tactics. Game in itself promote unhealthy relationships that are power-focused when the reality is that healthy relationships are egalitarian. It's one thing to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, another altogether to use underhanded punishment tactics to have your target toe-the-line. That's not going to garner respect, it will only create a relationship based on fear and codependency.

I think you guys fail to understand how rare an actual healthy relationship is.


Most girls that are great relationship material are much more conservative than the girls you pull at a regular night out.


Think of it like this:

You go out and get 10 numbers.

2 reply back. #1 seems really easygoing and into you , #2 is more held back.
Naturally you're gonna immediately next #2 since #1 is comming over tomorrow night.


You see where I'm going with this ? Since you're already killing it with #1 , you're more than likely not gonna stick around to find out if #2 is simply not interested , or if she simply isn't that "easy".


You want a diamond. Instead you settle for regular rocks and try to turn those into diamonds.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Clubs are not a good place to find meaningful long term relationships. That much should be obvious by now.

You need to look for girls in different places. If all you are doing is hooking up with party girls and bar sluts, then of course it won't lead to anything long-term. Find something you enjoy and want to learn and start pursuing it. The girls you meet along the way will be better GF material.

Daygame has yielded better GF material than nightclubs in my experience but it all depends on where the girl is at in her life. If she is aged 18-22 she probably doesn't want to settle down. But I met my current GF in a club (she is 31) and she was ready for a relationship.

Screen your women. Ask yourself what qualities you look for in a GF and expect them to meet your requirements.

P.s. With all these one night stands, your sex technique may be lacking. I very rarely only sleep with a girl once or twice, they usually come back begging for more if you make them squirt. Also try to cut back on alcohol situations, as this leads to more buyer's remorse on her part.

my friend you are a PUA not a romantic its a big difference, not to brag but i am both so i can help you....a pick up artist is a person who can get any woman he wants and can get into a relationship with ease, but sometimes have a problem keeping them because everything is often "by the books" to be honest you can classify every girl post relationship wise into certain categories thats why routines work.....

its a big inner thing, people believe being a romantic is just doing romantic things but no its about passion, you want whats best for her now whats best for you,

another big thing is you can't look for love it has to find you, by that i mean you can pick up every girl in the world and the one you didn;t talk to could be the one, and people spend ther whole life trying to force it. being a pua is great because it takes away that fear of approaching girls and givng you a better shot of find love, but you can;t make the mistake that every person makes and just try to force a relationship with somebody they think they like

you can see a beautiful girl that has a decent personality and you use "game" to get her to like you but like it or not one day your true self will come out and she might not like that and she might leave.

to make this short you basically need to find a person that likes you for you and you like them for them, and realize that staying in a good relationship is the same as being a PUA its trial and error and you WILL fail but make it as fun as you can until you finally reach your goal....i can spend all day giving you tips how to find it but im trying to give you a foundation of it first

basically you need these steps

1. love yourself first :i know it's cliche but its a big thing, its not only about confidence but you could be looking for a relationship for the wrong reason, it could be because deep down inside you're lonely and you need to get over that first)

2. it takes 2: meaning you can't be selfish, you have to love them also, you have to make them feel special and make them feel its worth putting up with the troubles and pain, cause trust me it will be troubles and pain)

3. patience you ahve to be patient about alot of stuff, including sex....if she gives it up after a date or one night you don't really want her, and i promise you won't she won't respect you and you won't respect her and no relationship can happen without respect (i learned that from mass effect when i tried to romance jack-a girl)

4. passion: have you ever wondered how to ugly people two fat people or complete opposites end up together, becasue they have both physical emotional and mental passion for each other. they want them for them not who they could be not who they want to be or not who they try to be but who they are, and noticing the small things can help develop that

5. remembers its not always you, 500 days of summer put this best, just because you see it as an amazing relationship doesn't mean she does..

sorry about the long post but im a marraige councilors/relationship councilor apprentice so i learn alot of stuff about relationships everyday and i usually have pretty good ones untill i get lazy and she cheats :'(

but i hope that helped, if not then im sorry

plus to be honest most girls who pua get are hoes or girls thats not relationship material (which are rare AF these days)

_________________
"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know."-Alfie

True , but I didn't say anything about clubs.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Thanks for the input guys. Taking all of the above into consideration, I have narrowed my problem to a few variables.

I don't really use 'game tactics' I take more of a natural approach. That being said perhaps the attitudes and mindsets I have adopted by reading game have had a negative effect.

Secondly, I'm in college so the demographic of women I pursue isn't the best. I am a party animal and make friends easily. I may need to abandon the social scene momentarily,or remove the motivation to hookup from the equation. Especially since my friends enable my player mindset.

Third, I usually live in the moment and do what feels right. Quick sex, driving fast, gambling, and risky behavior is down my alley. Although I am in college, and now is the time for that behavior, perhaps a mindset shift is in order.
Weighing the possible short term gains against long term satisfaction,
Before I try to make moves with women.

I think you're ahead of the curve examining your life in such a way where other people your age typically become short sighted and fail to make informed decisions, lest develop much of a sense of self-awareness.

It's one thing to expedient and take risks, another entirely to engage in behavior that puts you at a higher probability of making a decision you'll have to learn to live with later on.

well put and lots of good advice, totally agree with loving yourself...

The unexamined life is not worth living. I sense a lot of powerful emotions in this thread. Thanks for all the input and honesty everyone. I will continue to consider and refer to what has been said in this thread. I am left with two questions, one practical and the other abstract.

First question: Is it a good idea to attempt to rekindle the flames of past relationships? Specifically, I usually break contact with past partners when things start to go south or tend to get more serious. I feel that many people are in different places emotionally during different times of their life, especially the women I seem to attract. I have some girls in mind with which each of us really enjoyed the others company, and shared some strong emotions. It has been more than a month, and for some closer to a semester since I have talked to these girls. Will the time off yield a new and better perspective, or should I carry on in silence and let them go.

2nd question: A point that was discussed is planning and playing for long-term success rather than falling for short term pleasure. My concern is that like many things in life, the more vigorously one purses a serious relationship, the harder it is to obtain. Where is the middle point between living in the moment, and vigorously pursuing future ends.