I'm dating this girl for a year and something now (started out as a one night stand, turned fuck buddy, then we got closer), I must mention that we decided we'd spend our winter holidays together...

The problem with her is that I feel that she doesn't respect my time. We decide to meet at a certain time/day and about 30-40% of time for her something seems to come up (some reasons seem legit, some not). I have discussed this with her and I asked her to be more mindful about the times she decides to meet me, because I can't have my time wasted(and it's also disrespectful to arrange a meeting and cancel it, often).

Today for example we decided she'd come to my place around 11:00.
Around 10:30 she sends me a text saying her dad got her car for a checkup in a service and she'll come as soon as the car is back, later today that is (she could just find another way, there is public transportation, taxis, if she asked i'd be willing to pick her up form somewhere). I talk to her and ask her to call her dad to see what's up (around 11:30) to see what we're going to do, she calls him and she says she'll see me later.
Around 17:30 I get a text saying the car's in service and she won't be getting it today, but she can see me tomorrow. (also late in the afternoon)

As I said it's not the first time she pulls this off so I told her "never mind, I've had enough". Here is the conversation that followed via text:
Her: <my name>?
I tell her that's it's not the first time she pulls this off, wasting my time (a whole weekend day, waiting for her).
Her: Please don't say that
Me: And you're suggesting tomorrow I wait for you again, who knows whats going to happen then. Maybe one of your shoes doesn't fit
Her: No, tomorrow i'll come for sure
Me: If you wanted to be here, you could find a way (she could take the damn subway, duh)
Her: I'll come tomorrow even if I don't have a car. I kept waiting for the car, if I knew they'd keep the car I would of come without it, please, tomorrow i'll come for sure.
Me: (tomorrow we'd see each other just as late, since she is busy in the morning, so I ask her) Why not today?
Her: Alright, i'll come tonight
Me: So it's possible, but you just didn't feel like it. At least let me know next time: I don't feel like seeing you today anymore, don't waste your time waiting around for me
Her: It's not that I don't want to see you...<My name>! Alright, i'll get dressed and i'll be there.
Her: Could you please pick me up from the subway?
(at this point I wanted to think about it, I wasn't sure i'd enjoy myself seeing her now so I didn't reply for a few minutes)
Her: Tonight is also <a random show I mentioned i'd like to see>, we could go see that
Me: (I thought about it and decided it's too late today to see her, since i'd have to drop her off early in the morning, same thing tomorrow) It's late now, tomorrow it's going to be late also, never mind.
Her: Please, I won't go tomorrow at <x activity she had planned), let's see each other, please.

At this point I agreed, mentioning that I've got some stuff to do around 19:00, out of courtesy for her, so she knows that I won't be giving her my full attention, and that I didn't just tell her to get here so I can have her sit in a corner alone. (she said that doesn't bother her).

Only thing stopping me from nexting her is the fact that she seemed willing to fix this, she wasn't indifferent. Either way it's bad, she's either an idiot or she's has no regard for other people's time. Is it worth staying in this? Am I overreacting?


If you got a minute give me your feedback, much appreciated.

Not wanting to be harsh buddy, but your text convo made you sound like a sulking, moaning baby! Yes, it is disrespectful when a girl (or anyone) doesn't value your time, I totally agree with you and I understand why you've had enough! But your "moaning" texts showed immaturity, neediness and essentially, weakness!

Whether you decide to stick with her or "next" her, that's your call. But do it like a man!

Like I said, this isn't intended to be aggressive or mean. But sometimes we need someone to tell it like it is! "Tough love", if you will!

Good luck!

I felt the same way about your texts as stringfellow did, you were being a bit of a drama queen about it my friend. I dont think you should next her, because she wasnt acting as a bitch, she actually acknowledged her mistake and clearly made an effort to fix it.

But for the future, and to keep a strong frame, try to sound more direct and less moaning and bitchy in your texts. After you communicate what you dont like and she makes another mistake, do something about it, i.e act, instead of whine, I think it would do a lot of good for you frame, and even in terms of results.

Best of luck.

If you want to next her go right ahead, that's your choice. But if you're doing it to get her to come chasing, I think its the wrong way of going about this.


All you need to do is quite simple. Don't reward her flakey behaviour by bending to her schedule

What do I mean by this? If the two of you have plans, and she postpones the time, don't agree to meet her again for that day. Simply tell her "Ok. We'll take a rain check" and get on with your day. She'll realize quite quickly she can no longer exploit this boundary (or lack thereof) with you. This is about your own boundaries with people and standing firm with them

One caveat: In the event that her cancelling/postponement is legitimate, go with your gut rather than abiding by a hard-and-fast rule.

You can accomplish this, its doable. Stand by your guns, don't be a dick about it, and simply get on with your own stuff when she cancels again. She'll be surprised at first, but over time she'll fall in line and respect your boundaries if she wants to continue being with you.


This is an excellent opportunity to grow. Remember, relationships aren't there to make you happy, but rather to help you become more present/conscious in life (Eckhart Tolle). The onus lies on you in this situation as she has no reason to change since there's no follow-through on your end. Find your centre when you feel you're getting reactive. Take a few deep breaths, and see the pattern for what it is. The pattern can only be broken when you model the behavior you expect from others. If you feel your time isn't being respected, ask yourself "What am I doing to contribute to this pattern of behavior?" and take appropriate action(s).

Thank you all for your advice.
For the first posters: yeah I kinda lost it and went over the top, first time it has happen with her and i'll make sure to be the last (with her and others).

I made it clear to her what are my expectations, what i'm looking for in my life (I've been accused in the past of not communicating), and asked her to think seriously whether or not she is the person i'm looking for. We'll see how it goes, one thing's for sure: we both got the right to try to be happy, in or out of the relationship.