You all have been very supportive, more helpful than you could know. I wasnt happy but maybe shes been trying to fix it lately. 2 days ago after more sex drama...she wakes me up and says she wants to suck me. This time off is making me realize while im not happy...she has been trying somewhat.

I guess the positives I find will be useful when I talk to her

I continue finding more and more ways that shes trying to do right by me. I really would like to speak with her right now and just resolve this, but its already too late. Nobody can do a serious amount of thinking over a couple days. Im trying hard to hold out. But Im getting worried because a relationship is supposed to be about communication...isnt a break the opposite of that?

When we spoke last night on the phone, I feel like I didnt handle her concerns maturely. She was flat out saying I needed to keep my phones sound on over night so she could call me if she had an emergency, and I told her theres 911 for that and I get calls over night that wake me up. She said I was being selfish so thats where I got annoyed at her. I could find a way to just keep her ringer volume on Im sure, but I should have saw that as a huge compliment that she looks to me for help / support. See what I mean? I just completely rationalized her behavior. What does everyone here think about that?

No you didnt do anything wrong. The phone fight might have been silly, but you did tell her the reason you are taking a break is because you dont feel happy in this relationship, so thats clear. And you couldnt have communicated what you want, really. The chances tat she would have actually done something are 5%, because she already takes you for granted fully, and because the things you are asking for come from attraction, like you said, and they are not easy to deliver, but they're not unreasonable either. Now with doing what you did, you are going to make her know that she cant take you for granted, and hopefully you will miss each other a bit and the attraction spark will be lit again. Just make sure that when you do go back to her, you dont spend too much time with her again, and that you start picking up new hobbies.

Dude two things are certain:

1. You were not happy. If you were this post would not exist and you wouldn't have had thoughts of breaking up at all. Not in the slightest.

2. It is impossible to have a constructive adult conversation when you are caught up in emotions. The break in your situation helps you to cool down and helps her to cool down.

Break is very rarely the solution. But if you can't sort things out by talking to each other without both of you getting emotional (or just her) it's the only way.

Obviously it might not work, but you at least gave it your best shot.

You guys are right, its not easy but something had to be done. She has put me through this several times...breaking up with me and then taking it back a few days later. Not that it was my intention, but now she will see how I felt.


I will update this thread after I contact her. My prediction is she will bitch about how I took a week to contact her

Ideally the break will help you realize all the bad things she did to you and you will get a much clearer picture of the relationship.
One advice. When you do meet her be absolutely ready to lose her. That'll help.

Man...she just blew up my phone saying she hates me and is thtowing everything out.

I could see why shes so emotional though, I left without saying much other than I need time to think.

You failed to mention that she broke up with you several times and that you took her back.

Stay strong, ignore her tactics. If you react to her piss poor behavior of sending mean, shitty texts, then you lower your value and she knows all she has to do to get your attention is act like an immature baby. Contact her only when you have reached some conclusions that you can communicate to her. You told her YOU need time to think. Do your thinking. Contacting her before you have some conclusions drawn is pointless.

One more piece of advice. Try not to speculate on how she will respond to anything. That is also pointless. Keep an open mind, keep your focus on what you want to say to her about the conclusions you've reached. Your job is not to predict how she will respond, you only have to get her response and then decide how you want to react to it.

She just met me at my job...oh boy...

So we had the talk today, ... she drove all the way to my job with holiday gifts so while I thought that was a bit crazy I wasn't just going to leave her there like that.

Initially she was very emotional and I told her we couldn't have a serious conversation while she had all these feelings, but eventually she calmed down a bit and we started talking. Whenever she started acting up I told her I would leave because it wasn't getting us anywhere.

We talked. I stayed very strong the whole time, and at first she made it seem like I was the one being controlling with my needs and she wasn't going to fulfill them, so I explained to her that's fine but in a relationship if both parties needs aren't being met then the relationship isn't right. She seemed to have the strongest reaction to the sex one. She asked me how much sex I was looking for, and I said I couldn't give her an exact number because it varies, but a couple times when we meet up sounds reasonable to me. I didn't want to make sex seem so...planned but she was trying to work with me so I appreciated that. I also expressed my concern that she wasn't enjoying the sex lately, and how if she doesn't then I don't because maybe she doesn't feel any reward in trying to please me if she doesn't. She just had her blood levels tested and she has to take even more medication, so she feels like that's the reason she's been having issues with sex. Maybe things will get better here...I brought up how sexy she can be in the sack with specific examples to show her she has it in her


I addressed the texting/talking concerns...I feel like she will put more effort in there.

She also went off on me for 'ignoring' her for the last 2 days, and she was really mad at how I hung up on her after telling her I needed some time. I told her I did what I felt was right, I never said I was dumping her but I needed time to properly think so I could communicate my concerns to determine if the relationship was right. I also told her that while she has concerns of her own (me keeping my ringer on), she needs to express herself without resorting to name calling if she wants to get anywhere. In the end I agreed to keep my ringer on for her because it seemed like the right thing to do. She got really mad that I wouldn't say 'sorry' for what I did, and I told her I'm not fake, I only say sorry when I feel like it's truly called for.

In the end she calmed down majorly, we made out a little. She started feeling really guilty / embarrassed about driving to my job, so while I did find it a bit crazy I just told her "You did what you thought was right, don't feel embarrassed. What's done is done anyway." She's not sure if there's too much damage done in the relationship but right now we're still together. I think she'll comply with my needs, otherwise she knows that I'm willing to move on. I did feel bad about just hanging up on her, she truly did feel like it came out of nowhere and I told her I would do a better job of communicating so that it wouldn't have to happen that way again.

Yikes...long post. I've already accepted the possibility that this will end, but I'm going to see where it goes after this talk and with the advice you all gave me.

I think you did a very good job. She needs to accept her responsibility. And of course you need to accept yours. Then you both can change and make the relationship better.
But you are very good communicating which is a good sign.

Thanks man, yeah we talked some more today...I figured there would be more to say. She addressed issues that she noticed as well and basically we agreed to meet eachothers needs.

Thank you all for your help...I can't imagine what yall get out of helping out complete strangers like me but it really says a lot about yourselves. I don't know for sure what will come in the future, but I have to step up and be that man she fell in love with and stay that man. You all helped me realize that. Over the course of this relationship I withdrew from my friends / family...completely unhealthy. I also feel like my "game" (I'm not much of a pua gamer truthfully lol so thats why I quoted it) is weaker now. They say you become the sum of the 5 people you associate with most...gotta start seeing more people!!