| Okay, before you shake your head, this is not one of those typical "O I just lost my girlfriend, how do I win her back?" posts. It is not the typical AFC panic about stuff nor is it simple in any way. If it would be simple, I would not ask for input from you guys. It is because it is a bit complex that I want to get some extra perspective on this and know that you guys are great for that.
Let me explain the situation:
Once upon a time, before a lot of stupidity, I had what I now know as great inner game, and was generally an Alpha. Life was looking good, a lot of things seemed to go in my favor, and I started dating HB9, a sexy dirty little Asian girl that seemed to round up the package. We resonated on just about every level perfectly and I was happy. Alas, as fate is a fickle mistress, my life started falling apart in every aspect, both private and professionally, and like the idiot I was, I started turning into a little beta AFC that clinged onto HB9, trying to not lose the one thing that was still great in my life. Well, we all know what happens if a guy does that and after three years and several months, she jumped on the first Alpha she could find and banged him. My fault, I had become a wussy and was not the guy she had fallen in love with. Generally, I would say this should be the logical end of the story, as I learned my lesson, started getting my life in order, working out more, fixing what needed to be fixed, and read and studied a ton of material regarding pickup, attraction, seduction, and anything to do with it ranging from books like the Game to sales books and psychology reports. I learned my lesson and went on with my life.
Here it becomes difficult:
Instead of the HB9 just becoming the EX, she kept calling me. Now I know that she had quite a string of lovers since then (March 2013), yet every time she dated she would still tell me that I am the only guy she actually loves and want to spend time with me as much as possible. While I was in part still an AFC when some of the stuff happened, it killed me a little, but complete locking her out of my life is kind of hard when you live less than ten houses apart and are locked into a lease agreement. So this weird relationship developed where the EX of three plus years still calls and texts every day, sometimes comes over, sometimes makes out and fools around, and tells me that she still has feelings for me.
Now EX HB9 is currently swooning and dating over a guy I will just call JERSEY. JERSEY is a meat-head with some nerdy tendencies, Italian- American, a lot of muscle, and little brain, reminding me of the Jersey Shore guys a little, hence the name. For all matters, JERSEY seems to be a genuine nice sweet beta guy that is very vanilla and just currently her major crush. I am sure they will date and be lovey-dovey for the time but well, we all know how long a 'nice guy' will keep the attraction of a girl. Plus she has already told me on several occasions that she is smarter than him, something he admits seemingly, raising doubts in my mind already.
Now EX HB9 is a dirty naughty little girl. The kind that likes it rough, wild, bad, and kinky and quite honestly, I would say that I do love her. I am a realist though. I know that I am not where I need to be in my life, that I still need to change more (and to be honest f-close several girls more) before I can be the man that would not run the risk of losing her again if I won her back. I had some major insecurities and problems in the end the last time and those need to be resolved first.
Now, despite being so "enthralled" with him, EX HB9 still calls, wants to hang out, flirts, and gives IOIs to me. Yet, I am sure that her interest in JERSEY is real, at least for now, and that he will be her next serious BF.
THE PROBLEM:
Now, the situation being explained, here is the associated problem that I would love some input on, as honestly there are just too many layers on this for me to analyze and plan on my own, and having emotions for her, I believe I need some input that is objective:
I need help creating a long-term strategy that will address how to keep the interest of EX HB9 without ever getting fully friend-zoned, maybe even increasing attraction over time back to what it was.
I need help figuring out how I can slowly make her interest in JERSEY fade and her interest in me increase.
I need a strategy that functions somewhat over a longer period of time as to allow me to continue becoming who I really want to be and f-close a few more girls to restore my ego from the breakup back then.
And finally I need help creating a tactic that eventually will make JERSEY the uninteresting AFC, help me eradicate her memories of be ever having been an AFC (and seeing me again as the Alpha I was when we started dating back then), as to conquer her back. Yes it may sound a bit line One-itis here but the fact is there is some raw amazing attraction, deep friendship, and genuine love under this. The other day she just kissed me in the middle of the grocery store when shopping (while she listened to JERSEY talk to her on her phone).
I am fully planning on going out and having quite some fun before I end back up with her but I would like some help figuring out how to eventually end back up with her for good.
Please give me some input (and I know that there will be some flaming, trolling, and hating comments too, so just bring them if you feel you cannot contribute constructively).
Generally, I would say I have gone a long way from being an AFC and usually can easily tell what needs to be done but this is to close to home to let me think clear enough. I appreciate help.
A mildly confused
Invictus85
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CHAT