Totally agree with this post. I was a virgin before I got into pickup, and once I got over the hump, everything else has become much easier since.

It's not rocket science.

Meet girl, talk to girl, touch girl, touch girl again, take girl to bedroom.

Inexperienced people overthink everything.

Hope I'm not too late on this but very awesome topic. Since even when I first started sexually messing around with girls/women I always viewed myself as a natural lover, never relying on anything but my own passion and instinct as a guy which has made me phenomenal with intimacy like a 'sexual natural'

I usually warn a girl I'm flirting with "careful you don't become addicted to my lips" And they always think it's a fucking joke.
Anyway, great topic, building up sexual confidence is a huge factor.

Agree with you 100%. Once you can approach a girl knowing that you can fuck her better than she's ever been fucked before... she can sense that shit. It shows right through your eyes. Sexual confidence is king in this game.

The secret is, Sex is not the goal.. Real connection with her is.

I can absolutely identify with lacking the sexual confidence you talk about...

any reading material recommended besides "My Secret Garden"?

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"If you can dream it, you can do it"
Walt Disney

This thread is spot on.

The idea behind approach anxiety is the fear of escalating things to sex. People start wondering what to do next, how to do it, and when to make a move to advance to the next level. They never acknowledge the fact that, as you have said, we have to start from the end to justify our means.

I have seen guys, or starters as I call them, escalate things pretty well and get a kiss-close. What these guys do is that they kiss the girl and keep on kissing, afraid to take things further because of the fear of losing the girl who has agreed to kiss them. Have these guys have had a lot of sex before, they would know to turn such a kiss close to scoring a lay.

Sex breeds TONS of confidence, and girls can smell it before you even approach them.

Some of this is true but actually, the idea behind approach anxiety has very little to do with fear of escalation, it has to do with fear of being clubbed over the head by her boyfriend. That is the evolutionary pressure that creates approach anxiety.

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http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

So why can't some guys still approach even if they know for a fact that the girl hasn't got a boyfriend?

False... this is your belief but that is just a theory....

By evolutionary theory that would mean we get angrier not more afraid or anxious... Our emotions were created to protect us yes, but in present day we do not use our emotions "correctly".

Th reality most guys fear failure more that rejection... Sound similar right? they are but not the same thing...

Failure extends to in bed, when escalating, etc.

Rejection I believe is an issue in some but not as many as I do believe fear of failure...

Honestly Sexual Confidence is undoubtedly the most important part of getting good with women... someone with sexual confidence escalates, does this mean he fucks every woman he tries on? Na but trying is the first step towards succeeding vs. fearing failing.

When you feel the chick is getting lucky because you know you can get her to cum it reverses things quite a bit... makes you a "chooser" instead of a "chosen"...

I honestly think approach anxiety is not just fear of failure or rejection, I feel it's different for everyone... if it's all the same the issue would be able to be solved the same way for everyone... for some I feel" it's don't talk to strangers" (a belief) or an undeserving underlying belief (related to self-esteem).... Approach anxiety isn't one size fits all like the common thought seems to be across the forum... this means solving approach anxiety should be tailored to the individual...

The issue is getting sexual confidence takes experience and for geeks afraid of talking to women fucking them is a whole nother issue...

Peace and Love,

Vic

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Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I agree that most guys fear failure, but fear of failure and fear of escalation (what the poster I responded to said), while having something in common, are quite different in many scenarios. Men do not not approach because they are afraid the women will be receptive and they will be successful (that would be fear of success), they fear approach because they fear failure and there is an evolutionary component that you can choose to ignore but is very likely to be a theory that is true. Why else are people afraid of making an approach even when a coach instructs them to go purposefully get blown out?

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http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

I personally (maybe just me) did not fear being clubbed over by any girl's boyfriend when I was a starter. I always knew ways to avoid fights and rejections because of boyfriend issues. Yes, some of my friends used that as an excuse to not approach girls, but I think the real reason behind this is not knowing how to proceed with a conversation. When a conversation is ready to be delivered, people would then fear advancing to the next level of physical attraction. I used to be like this. I'd get a kiss and just stop because I was satisfied enough to kiss close the girl. Maybe I wasn't that much further-mind-oriented because I did not have the idea of sex in mind. Right when I got laid the first time, it started becoming a habit escalating to sex, because that's what I wanted at the end of the night.

I hope you get my point, I tried to make it as simple as I could. Overall, each person has his own opinion based mostly on his OWN experience with girls, and I think this is my perspective regarding escalation. In short, I think that guys who are sexually inexperienced do not have the idea of getting laid indulged in their minds yet; thus, they tend to reach a certain level and stop at that level.

Like I was saying: approach anxiety is different for everyone... can it be fear of success? Yup...

This isn't really evolutionary it's conditioned not quite the same. Creating a conditioned fear based off of certain things... Why does someone fear public speech? Your theory doesn't really work with this... You're trying to create a reason that's simply not true... You need to take into consideration the abnormally large neocortex human's possess that seem to give us the ability to condition emotions...

Fear of talking to a woman has little to do with her boyfriend popping up.. that is your old belief therefore you think that it's an underlying part of our "evolution" the fact is we are made to breed with many worrying about someone else's bf beating you up doesn't work within evolutionary context...

Emotions evolved to protect us, our emotions are conditioned based on past negative/positive experiences. This isn't related to anything but what our own mind condition us to... Why does one fighter get in the ring and get stronger when hurt and another get weaker when hurt? His mind.... his mind and it's conditioning is what grants fear, anger, focus, strength while another man breaks down...

Emotions are evolutionary, conditioning is self-inflicted.

Peace and Love,

Vic

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

Exactly. This supposed fear of being clubbed is a red herring. Complete pseudo-science.

TheFury, if we really are motivated by such mammalian instincts, we wouldn't fear being clubbed. If I was a single caveman and I liked the look of your cavewoman, I would simply smash your head on a rock and eat your kids to destroy your blood-line. Then I'd fuck your woman and get her up the duff with my powerful blast of alpha sperm.

Real cavemen don't fear the club. They simply grab a club of their own.

Survival buddy. Hit on the girl from the wrong tribe etc. you can club your way through one or two or three but not 100 men. It could be pseudo science as most evolution theory is extremely difficult to prove convincingly, but it seems logical enough to me and in many cultures and countries in the world you can STILL be "clubbed" or even KILLED if you make a move on the wrong woman.

Either way, I do agree with these other points being issues, but it is reasonable that men may be using fear of performance, fear of success, etc. as just rationalization to themselves when they just cant explain why they are simply unable to approach (likely due to conditioning)

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http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

But surely that is very dependent on the particular woman. Yeah, ok, if you find a woman who has got a drug dealer wife who has got some mafia style boys who will come and kick your head in or worse just for looking at his girl, then you probably would be scared of approaching. But more generally, it surely isn't about being scared of the physical consequences of a boyfriend that you don't even know if she has got or not. Being scared of failure when approaching, is a problem - but that is because you don't want to be rejected, basically you don't want your ego to take a battering. Different to being scared of a physical outcome. In the same way, many guys dry up once in conversation - that's not because they suddenly become scared of a boyfriend after they have opened, it's because they run out of things to say or don't have the experience/state of mind to be able to keep a conversation going with a girl.

There are two sides here - 1) Approach anxiety, which I would say is mostly driven by fear of failure and pride - not wanting to be rejected and have yourself seen as a failure in yours and other people's eyes. But I think this one is reasonably easy to get over.
2) Actual ability to go from the opener to getting a girl in bed. This isn't about fear, it's about skill, tactics, whatever you want to call it or break it down into, but basically it's about "game". And I still agree with hunter here, that your "game" will be a lot better for the reasons discussed above if you have experience of sex - and more importantly, if you have experience of good sex, knowing you can satisfy a woman.