Hi Guys,

I am new to this forum as well as the pick up game in general, but I am inspired to elevate my game particularly after my recent struggles. I write this fresh of another "friend zone" experience. I find myself constantly trapped in this zone with almost all women that show attraction initially.

To give some background about myself, I am a handsome 27 year old who lives in NYC. At my best I would consider myself intelligent, even a touch of nerd, good humored, a solid physique (6'0", 170lbs), and generally a pretty social guy with a good amount of really cool friends. I'm pretty far from perfect, of course; I'm just getting started in my career and in the meantime am living quite a financially modest life. That said I'm so helplessly inexperienced in attracting women I'm not even sure if any of this information is relevant or not, and if not, I apologize for having wasted your time if that was even read at all.

What generally happens is I meet a girl at a social setting, such as a concert, museum, party, or club and things start off great with mutual attraction. I may even make out with the girl the first night. But for the past year, after the first time is invariably downhill. Each ensuing date or time spent together gets more platonic, not the other way around.

The latest example, which occurred about an hour ago, is a girl who had just moved here to NYC. I met her at a concert, and she seemed very interested on the first time we hanged out. We were the only ones grinding at the concert, had the great convo and interaction, and she basically demanded my number. She lives pretty far from me, but she hit me up today and came to my apartment. I met her near the train station, but I wasn't sure exactly what my approach should be in terms of the escalation. As in, should I have complimented her right away on her looks to show interest? Should I hold her hand on the walk? What the heck should I be doing to make sure this doesn't turn into another platonic encounter? I just engaged in regular conversation for the walk. In my apartment, at one point, she asked, "why are you so timid?" In honesty I didn't feel in control of the situation from the get go because I've had so many of these experiences where women come over but no sexual escalation occurs. How should my approach be different? My game is at the point where I can get a woman to come over, but when she does instead of a natural escalation it turns into an environment where if I make a move it would be seen as awkward. I really feel like she wanted the D, but I did something to diffuse the attraction.

Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks.

Kino escalation + get ya cock out.

_________________
It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm

In order to advance, you have to drag out your weaknesses that are keeping you down from getting laid.

With all honesty, I can clearly tell that you are sexually not experienced enough to take it to sex with a girl on a first date. You seem more like the nice guy who would become friend-zoned the moment a girl starts being sexual with you. The good thing here is, unlike others, you seem to have your life on track and you know girls. That's a great start to be honest. What you have to do now is to start showing sexual interest to the girls you meet without making a big deal out of it.

You are too nervous in escalating things; hence, the girl knows that because it shows from your body language (in-congruent with your talk). You have to learn how to flirt first, it's really simple and it doesn't take much time to learn if you put your mind into it. Just watch some videos on how to touch girls (I don't usually recommend videos and I never watched flirting ones, but it's the best way to demonstrate because it's really difficult to learn it from a book. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words).

Hope this helped, good luck

I feel the same as you...like it feels awkward to escalate. I think its cause we don't take the risk n ruining another chance if we don't know by a good possibility of the outcome.

I can easily escalate if a girl shows me some solid indicators of interest...but if its just some I don't know whether she is ready or not. I think this has to do with confidence and experience.

Truth is that if we lead , chances are we are going to go in an escalate to close. But I have no experience so I am not confident.

thats just how I feel.

Dude, we're like the same person. I was the friendzone mayor throughout my teenage years, and you're waaay ahead of me in having your life on track haha, so if I can overcome it, so can you.

It's not easy to do, and it wasn't a sudden transition by any means. But I managed to stop giving a fuck, and removed the need to apologise, like before if I went for a kiss and got shot down I would actually apologise for it! That's how bad I was.

Become a touchy guy, it should just be the way you are. Baby steps. Here are a few of my pointers that got me started:

1. If she's wearing an interesting scarf or fur collar, touch it and feel it, make conversation.

2. Putting your arm around a girl whilst pointing out something in the distance is less intense and more easily accepted than putting your arm around a girl whilst making eye contact and focusing on her.

3. Pick imaginary things out of her hair. All these are tiny steps but when done a lot, will really get you comfortable with bridging the gap toward escalation. I used to make out like crazy when drunk on a night out, but on dates I SUCKED.

4. "Cold hands, warm heart." This is a routine I like to think I devised, it comes from a saying my Mum and older people in my town use that implies that people with cold hands have a warm heart and warm hands therefore mean a cold heart Just gently take her hands and say you want to find out if she is coldhearted, it's a bit corny, but it was a huge success for me in becoming more touchy feely and there is a lot of room for flirting and making her laugh.

5. Kissing shouldn't be done during the big "is he going to kiss me?!" moment like at the end of the date, be playful. A girl asked me to go and get some rizlas for her as I was going to the shop and I said "Only if I get a kiss" and that was our first kiss and start of a relationship.

6. The biggest thing is being a physical leader. It took me SO long to get the courage to do this, but if I meet a girl off the train I will offer my arm or even grab hers and link it with mine and I will take her hand to lead her somewhere etc.

I agree with Xoved, you need to develop a manly personality. Do not be TOO concerned with her feelings. And skip the chivalry act. Unfortunately men have been molded since childhood (mostly through film industry, and single mothers) to be the chivalrous, gentlemen type. Focus on what YOU want. Rough operator also is absolutely right about being a "physical leader". Boldness is a skill you must learn. Just keep at it and practice these things; confidence will come.