Let me start off by saying this is my first post, but have came to this site often for help in the past but never needed assistance before. So here's as much background information as I can give you in order for you to understand what I'm going through.

My girlfriend of the past 9 months and I have recently stopped having sex. Now it's not that simple. Around mid September she started to complain of stomach aches/ issues. At first we thought it was the protein shake she was drinking (we both would go to the gym together). She would stop drinking it and feel better, but of course she would start drinking it again once she felt better (girl logic). We were still having great sex at that point and very frequently, nothing had really changed at that point. She also first started to worry that she was pregnant and took a pregnancy test, which came back negative. But she still thought that she was one of the few women who would get a false negative or an etopic pregnancy. All this hysteria was largely due to her mom, jokingly suggesting to her that she might be pregnant because of her constant nausea.

Fast forward to early October, let's say October 5th, that's the last day we had sex. She was still experiencing stomach issues and they were getting worse it seemed daily. We still hang out multiple times a week (sometimes 5-6 times a week) and we enjoy each others presence. She is still texting me like usual and telling me she misses me and wishes she was sleeping next to me, etc.

The end of October comes and she tells me how painful her aches and pains are today and I strongly suggests she goes to the hospital. She finally agrees and her parents take her. She undergoes a battery of different scans and tests. One of which was to check if she was pregnant, which she wasn't. Everything comes back good and they think that she could have a dairy allergy and tell her to come back in a month to see how she's doing. Also during the months, she asks me if I'm sad that our sex life has slowed down. I probably at that point was giving off nonverbal signs that she was picking up on. But I responded I think well. I told her that I understood what she was going through and our connection was much deeper than sex. Hoping this would take the pressure off her and help her get better faster.

Now it's nearly present time, early November, lets say November 2-3. She's an avid sailor and they had there season ending banquet. Before we met she was talking to a fellow sailor from her yacht club and I knew of him but never met him. Don't worry guys, he's from another state, hours away, lets call him Kyle. I guess things ended badly between them. She would mention him every now and again and you could tell she was still mad at him and someting painful happened. She came to me and cried a few weekends ago, opening up more about him and why she hasn't been as affectionate with me as of late. She told me how mean he was to her over the past summer, verbally and mentally abusive, and that she still feels "played" by him, and how hurt she felt and that she's worried about hurting me and that she doesn't ever want to do that. She also asked if we were in a "serious relationship" now since we have been dating for 9 months. She mentioned to me how she's worried that she can never tell me that she loves me and mean it. Probably guessing she loved Kyle at one point and was betrayed and possibly battling her emotions with me, worrying about getting hurt again by me. Most shocking to me though was when she told me she doesn't have her libido anymore and that on a few occasions she felt guilty after sex. Guilty?! I tried to push her further but she said she didn't know how to explain it. I'm guessing she saw him at the banquet over the weekend and it brought back bad memories and she's reliving them and struggling to let it go or confusing her feelings and she's worried about me hurting her as opposed to what she said about her hurting me.

She was prescribed anti nausea pills that seem to work moderately well but she still feels bad some days. Her mom suffers from depression, as does my girlfriend, but she has never talked to anyone about it because she's too "busy". She also recently switched birth control pills near the time we stopped having sex. Her mom and I are pretty close so I told her about her daughter and to keep an eye out for her and also asked if it could be the birth control. Her mom said she was taking a weak bc pill so it's probably not it, but with all due respect she isn't a doctor.

I've turned on the charm as of late because I'm not completely innocent from this. I've been busy with school and have slightly taken our relationship for granted. Within the past week her texting seems to have changed with me. No more cute goodnight texts, just plain goodnighttttttt texts, no heart emojis anymore either (don't worry I mirror her and don't send any emojis in my texts either). I should also mention that she recently started to work her second job and works both on the same day sometimes, so she could be emotionally drained. Add to it, she also took a semester off college and it's now time to enroll (she's going to an online college for design). During the summer she had a lot of pressure on her to go to college right away, but she said she wasn't ready just yet. She was relieved to take a semester off and now she's starting to get worried again. She's works at a clothing store and asks me to give her my measurements so she can get me a christmas present, so she's investing in me and planning for the future, which is good. I've been buying her flowers, taking her out to new places we havent gone to before, movie dates, dinner dates, massaging her to try to get her into the mood, nothing seems to work. Should I be more aggressive? Taking her and kissing her, rubbing up against her sexually when were on the bed, grabbing her neck, almost being too aggressive but still passionate? She asked me if I want to make a sex tape, but still nothing!! There's days when she comes over or I go over to her house and she hugs me passionately and kisses me, she jumps into my arms and I have to hold her, her legs tightly around my waist (squeezing me but I dont care) and there's days when she doesn't kiss me much or hug me. Maybe she's just depressed, maybe seasonal depression? I know it takes it's toll on you emotionally and is a killer when it comes to sex drive.

Let me sum it all up
she's 19, I'm 23
she lives with her parents
she doesn't have that many friends
she works two jobs
her brothers gf cheated on him and she hates her for doing it, so I doubt she's cheating on me, add in how much time she spends with me, her job, family, and just time for herself, I don't think it's possible
not in school currently
she also gave me a cat over the summer which she reallyyyy cares about, so she's not going to leave me easily (investment: time, money, etc)
She'll tell me when I have to leave during the night that she wishes I can stay forever
I always try to mirror her effort, maybe I should make myself slightly less available?
Her parents love me, she told me, she has a great relationship with her dad and he enjoys spending time with me, I think it'll be hard for her to let me go so easily
Maybe she's depressed and needs to talk to someone, i've tried to get her to talk to someone, remind her I'll go with her?

Add in a curve ball, I creeped at her tumblr and she mentioned her ex on there and how she wishes she can forget about him like he forgot about her, there was one status that pissed me off that said something like "message me baby.." <- this was a month before she mentioned her ex to me.. I still don't think she's cheating, she uses the word baby, boo, love with people freely which irks me at times... I don't want this turning into a self fulfilling prophecy and me being too paranoid and treating her poorly because I think she's cheating or something

Should I be worried or is this just her sickness taking it's toll on her?? I know it's a lot to digest and possibly a lot of variables to take into consideration. Thanks to anyone who read all this and the feedback!

You see her 5-6 times a week but haven't had sex with her in the past 6 weeks?

She tells you that she could never tell anyone that she loves you and she is afraid of hurting you?

Hung up on her ex bf crying about him to you?

Sorry dude...this relationship is pretty much over. She's being pretty clear about it...you are drifting from boyfriend to friend.

Stop seeing her so much. Don't buy her flowers or any of that shit anymore. Tell her you feel that the passion has been missing for the past six weeks and you feel she is better of as a friend than a gf.

Then ignore her and sarge other girls. She might..might...suddenly feel the pain of loss and the fact that you are willing to walk, and then start fucking you again and putting you back in the roll of lover.

If I were you I would get used to the idea that it's over though.

Agree with the above. She felt guilty because sleeping with you felt like cheating on her ex. She is not over her ex btw.

My suggestion is dump her before she dumps you.

THIS

So you give no credence to the fact that she's been having health problems/ depression? It's not that she could never tell anyone she loved me, it's that she couldn't say it and mean it, to me there's a difference. Her ex only in the sense that they were talking, they never dated or had sex. He was very abusive to her so I doubt she wants him back, but may miss him as a friend, since women cherish relationships more. She wasn't really crying about him to me, just crying about why she can't be as emotionally intimate with me because of what he did to her.

I understand what you're saying, but what's the harm in staying with her for a week or so while I stop initiating contact/ buying flowers to see if she initiates sex in order to save the relationship? If there's still no change then I'd dump her. When I tell her that I feel the passion has been missing for the past few weeks, should I break up with her then and there or wait a week, like I said, to see if the situation improves? While me walking away might make more of a statement, couldn't that damage her more mentally as for her not to trust me?

I feel like this happens often in relationships and if you just leave when the sex stops, you'll never have a successful, happy relationship. Just date for a few months and when shit goes south, dump them and start all over. Where did I go wrong? Once she stopped having sex with me, should I have insisted and make her have sex with me? Should I have asked her whats wrong and fix it then and there. Should I have distanced myself at that moment which would restart her attraction towards me?

She told you that she can't say she loves you and mean it. That means she doesn't love you. She told you she's afraid of hurting you meaning she thinks you are more invested than she is and is thinking about how you would react if she broke up with you which she has already started doing when she stopped having sex with you. She told you she felt guilty after having sex with you and lost her libido meaning she no longer wants to have sex with you. She stopped texting you with enthusiasm or smiley faces. She admitted she can't stop thinking about or forgetting her ex. None of these are "health problems."

And all this stuff with her ex happened last summer, while you were dating her? But she told you that they never dated or had sex? She's just crying about how she can never forget him because he was her "friend?" Dude..denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Sure maybe she had some severe stomach issue that makes sex uncomfortable, but if she was still attracted to you she'd be talking about how much she wished she could have sex with you and be giving you plenty of oral sex.

And no, sex doesn't just stop in healthy relationships. I was in 2 relationships that lasted over three years, and never did the sex stop. Sex is the absolute best gauge for her attraction to you and the health of the relationship. How was your sex life before? We're you dominant and blowing her mind? I recommend the sex god method for learning how to be a dominant lover...that's how women get feelings for you, by you blowing their mind in bed. Honestly, if you have been cuddling with her every night for six weeks without anything sexual going in, then that tells me you need to get in touch with your masculine sexual animal inside of you. Do you lift weights?

Next time you are with her you can push for sex until she gives you a clear NO answer. Then you can tell her that you feel like the passion is missing, and you aren't feeling the relationship anymore and then cut off contact with her.

Like I said, she might feel the loss and want you back again as a lover, but if you've seen her almost every single day for the past 6 weeks and only cuddled with her and nothing sexual, then she might already have stopped viewing you as a lover.

You should have recognized the signs of her waning attraction and then backed way the fuck off and let her miss you and let her know you want to be her lover and not her platonic friend who she cries to about the ex who she still loves but doesn't love her back. No need to get angry or anything, just letting her know that you are looking for a lover, you aren't looking to be her girlfriend having platonic sleepovers and if she isn't wanting the same you'll find another girl who is on the same page as you.

It's fair enough to be sympathetic and understanding for a while, but six weeks with no sex after only a matter of months together? Grounds to next her in my book.

Unfortunately there is probably more to it than her health problems that made her withdraw sex. She is obviously not over her ex, and who knows? Maybe they're fucking somehow. Don't let your judgement be clouded by your feelings for her, something is wrong with this relationship. Personally I would have left her by now.

The truth is that in a relationship, or not, you have a basic need to be pleasured, and to give pleasure sexually.

If she is not going to meet that need, then she is not the right mate for you. This doesn't mean you can't be friends. It just means you should communicate to her that she is not meeting this need, and that you are going to go out and get it met elsewhere.

To tell you the truth, all you have been is very good friends if you haven't been fucking. On top of that, if she really loves you, after reflection, she should say, go ahead, I love you, I want you to be happy. IMO, you should continue to support her with her problems, and your reward should be freedom to get your own needs met. It doesn't work to completely sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of others. As in everything, there needs to be some balance.

Good luck.

They're most definitely not fucking. We live in state A, he lives in state B which is over 160miles. Not something you can do secretly.

She didn't admit that she can't stop thinking about him, rather that he appears in her dreams sometimes and then she starts to think about him. Happens to me with my former flames, doesn't mean that I want them back in my life. Girls are more emotional, not logical though and it's difficult for them to realize dreams don't mean anything.

The stuff with her ex didn't happen this past summer, it happened this time last year. November 2012. While we were friends at that point, we weren't dating until February 2013 and he was out of the picture and still is. No contact with him at all. She's not facebook friends with him, twitter, instagram, etc. I believe her that she never had sex with him as she was very inexperienced with sex when we started to date. Like I said women value intimate relationships, not just sexual, she could wish that things were better between them and that is worthy of tears, not just a sexual relationship gone wrong.

Yes the sex was great! I was her second person she was with and she complained how poor the guy was she was with prior to me. I gave her her first orgasm and she constantly, even today tells me how amazing at sex I am. She mentioned making a sex tape even. hehe yeah I lift weights 5-6 times a week. Thats how we met. She works at the gym I go to as a lifeguard. She's constantly feeling my muscles and shit. But she was never into the dominant type sex. I had to slow down a couple times.

Lets not forget guys, she already got me $150+ worth of Christmas gifts and she asked me for my measurements so she could get me a special gift for xmas from Express. Now I'm not sure how many of you shop at Express, but it's very expensive! Not something someone would buy just a friend IMO. To me, this shows that she is still invested into our relationship, as more than just a friend. Because I would never get, even my best friend, something from Express. Shirts are typically $50, dress shirts, which is what she's going to buy me is typically $70+... no "just friend" material..

I understand the points you all are making. But you seem to be cherry picking the instances that make your opinions true and neglecting the points that seem to show she still cares, deeply about me ( for example the $300+ she's spending on me for xmas, she took time off work to come to Thanksgiving this upcoming weekend with my family). I appreciate your help, but I think I'm going to first mention to her that I feel the passion and intimacy has been missing as of late. Ask her again if she wants to talk to someone professional to help her get over anything that may be hindering her intimacy with me. If she denies help again, then I'll understand the subliminal message and take a different course. She wondered if I felt bad about our lacking sex life a few weeks back and I played it off as being supportive and wanting her to get better first. But as you guys said, 6 weeks is long enough. I'll ask her why were not having sex and if it's because she's still sick. If she says yes, I'll ask what would you (her) say that's holding you back? and then tell her that I have needs that aren't being met and that I think time apart is necessary.

Do you watch her every move 24/7? They are probably not fucking, that's all we can assume at this stage. But doesn't mean she's not fucking "somebody". Women need sex too. My girl can't last a week without sex or masturbating.
One word: Guilt. She feels guilty about leading you on. Or maybe feels guilty about cheating on you. If my girl drops a load of money on me on my birthday unexpectedly, i'm usually suspicious.

P.s. I still get horny when I'm sick. And so does your girl.

We could be cherry picking, or we could be making objective opinions not clouded by emotions that push us towards seeing what we want rather than seeing what is.

Surely we don't know all the facts. In theory, you gave us all the important ones. The facts are simple. You care about her, she cares about you, you are not having sex with her, she is not having sex with you. This bothers you enough that you posted here.

My central point is that if you sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of others, it's not a recipe for success in relationships. The same can be said for when you ask someone else to do the same. I didn't tell you to dump her ass or treat her like shit. I told you to respect yourself and her at the same time. There is little reason you can't continue to support her as you claim you have without getting laid too.

I've given my advice here, and I think it's solid, just like some of the others. It's up to you whether you take it or rationalize why we are all wrong.