- LTR: 3,5 years
- Lived together for about 2 years
- Girl is very insecure and fears ending up alone
- Left me today

Okay, I need an opinion here - I'll give you a brief summary first:
All the details are spread across two other posts if you're interested.

-- You can skip this part if you want
A few months back she almost cheated and spend the night at some other
guys house - nothing happend though. I noticed something was going on
and confronted her - basically broke up and she started to fight for me.
I didn't last long before taking her back though. Partly because I knew
she'd be running to the other guy instantly. That way we'd be together
and I could show her Im the better choice. We also went on long vacation
afterwards (Splitting the costs 50/50) and all seemed fined. Then 3 days
after we came back from our vacation she wanted a break and left the
apartment. I told her it was okay and kept my frame. The other guy must
have interest in the meantime as he was ignoring her during the break.
So she came back to me. We had breaks on a few more occasions. Sometimes
I initiated it, sometimes she did. Always killing her inside when we
weren't together.

We had a small fight last night - I stayed calm. Also, we hadn't
had sex in a long time (different issue as she suffers vaginismus - she
cant have sex as she's too afraid and it simply hurts too much) - we used
to do other stuff though. But that also stopped.) So last night i made
it clear I wanted to "cuddle" with her but she didn't want to - so I left
the bedroom telling her that its okay but Im not tired yet. I let her fall
asleep by herself (We always go to bed together).

Today we talked about our relationship again and she made it clear she cant
imagine having a future with me anymore. She also asked me why I took her
back - she wouldn't have. I told her she can leave whenever she want's to
- as always. So she left - to visit a friend. About 2 hours later she
came back because she forgot something - she then wanted to take a train
to go to another friend (girl) and stay the night. I told her I was leaving
to and won't be back for the week - staying with people in another city
(I commute everyday (1h)). She asked if it was another girl that I was going
to. I didn't say not - nor did I say yes. She does think that I'm going to
meet up with girls though - she can get really jealous.
-------------------------------------

What she thinks:
- She can't imagine a future with me anymore
- She's really scared she could end up alone (I was her first boyfriend) - She says no one else
seemed to want her before
- She knows its going to hurt badly for a while but knows it's the right thing
- She's scared other guys won't accept her problem regarding her sex issues (vaginismus)
- she thinks there are better partners for us out there

What I did:
- Kept calm and told her it is okay
- Didn't show any emotions but tried to be nice to her
- Brought up a few memories about our vacations which made her cry
- Told her to take the teddybear I once gave her as a gift when we first got
together and she'd need to take care of him now as he's really sad now
- Packed my stuff in front of her and told her I won't be back for a while
(We live together in case you didn't read the above summary)
- I left

Before I left she asked me if she then could stay in the apartment as I wouldn't be
there so she won't have to stay with friends. I told her it was okay and I wouldn't know
when I get back anyway. She thinks Im going to another girl now, though I didn't
confirm when she asked - I simply ignored the question. She started crying badly.

Now I think this puts me in a way better position as I accomplished something here:
- She'll have a hard time moving on as she will continue sleeping in "our" bed in
"our" apartment with all the pictures
- I told her to take care of the teddybear I gave here which will remind her of me
- She will feel jealous as she thinks Im meeting up with another girl - maybe even
staying there. I never confirmed this nor did I deny it - I simply ignored it when she asked
- We parted on really good terms and I made her cry and laugh by bringing up memories
about past vacations - so she doesn't hate me right now

Though there is a rebound guy waiting in line right now - so this is something I have
no control over :/

What do you guys think my chances are? I will go NC now but I also
now we'll have to meet up again soon as we have to talk about the apartment and
other things as well - she already said we should talk about everything in about two
weeks when she'll feel better (That was when she still thought I'd be the one staying
in the apartment).

Thanks for any opinion - And yes - I am already working on dates and have girls I
can meet.

I would suggest moving on and finding a girl you can actually have sex with! but hey if you enjoy a sex less relationship Who am I to judge.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Questions:

1.What are you trying to accomplish ? What is your actual question ?

2.Why are you with a girl that you can't have sex with ? Granted you "can" do some things with her , but it gets really old really fast ( talking from personal experience as I've dated a girl like yours).

Also most of the time , vaginismus is a condition caused by deep psychological / emotional issues.We all know how fun those are in LTR's.


Put these things together and you got a recipe for one very unhappy and unrewarding relationship.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Hey,

thanks for your opinions.

The thing is - no sex didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I was sceptical at first but gave it a shot. I have had relationships before - all with plenty of sex. I also have a potential FB. But even when we were together and still happy - the vaginismus would have never caused me to break up with her. So in case I'd get her back it would still be a looong road to go and I knew that. Possibly never being able to have sex with her. I'm all in for that - don't judge me

Two questions:

1) I was wondering how I handled the situation and if it was a good idea to let her stay in the apartment instead of her letting her sleep somewhere else. Im in NC right now.

2) R.C: You mentioned you have dated a girl like mine. May I ask how long you tried and if that was the actual reason for you guys to split.

I'm somewhat wondering right now if the rebound guy could live with that (probably not) and how long it will take her to come back crying to take her back^^

1) Yes , it was. Why kick her out if you're not even there ? There's really no reason in being a asshole just for fun.

2)3 years , and no , it was not the reason.


Ironically it was one of the best relationships I've ever had. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her ,but that's largely because she was an awesome person.

Sex wasn't bad. She'd be convulsing all over the place each time , but there's really just so much you can do.Penetration was rarely possible ,and still wasn't all that for her.
It's like driving a car that can't go over 60. It's great if you're new to driving but you're still just barely getting 50% of the real experience. Eventually you get tired of the limitations and just get a new car.


Like I said , it had little to do with braking up , but for me it was simply a "once-in-a-lifetime-thing". She was great , but there's a lot of great people out there. And they're not broken , hahah. I'd never go back to that.


First time I had sex after that relationship I felt like I was discovering the holy grail all over again . I either didn't realize how much I missed it or I just forced myself into thinking I didn't. Either way , it was amazing .

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Move on OP she already has a rebound guy and is stating that she doesn't want a future with you. Do yourself a favor and get off the emotional roller coaster now.

Go no contact for at least 2 weeks (the best you can seeing that may be hard with the living situation), use that time to reflect on what you really want and how you really feel. Do not see other women in this time. If you want her back, you will need to revert back to Pick Up basics and be alpha, non pursuance, charming, and overall the man she fell for.

When trying to get an ex back the ball is always in her court, but you never let them truly know that. But if you fail to realize this you will fail, be smart and do what makes you happy.

Sounds like an awesome relationship

She wants to fuck guys but not you. Then you take her back regardless? lol

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