This is My In-Depth Analysis. Hope what i say is interesting and people with insight have the time and patience to read this through.

I have read tons of stuff about what is wrong and what is right. I understand the basic psychological principles of social dynamics. But i just cant help but feel that certain things cannot change. I'm not really sure if being an introvert is something physiological that you are born with, or if as a behavior is being shaped and developed from your environment, but whatever it is i have a hard time transitioning.

I can change things like the way i talk, be more direct, have stronger frame and body language, etc.

To get good chicks you must be social. Being social means penetrating through various groups of people and communicating with lots of people you dont feel like just for the sake of getting out there. An introvert just doesnt do that. He needs structured conversation and food for thought. He needs to feel like hes learning something new and exciting from talking to people. He is not into trivial chit-chat and recurring small talk and pleasing other people of no significance to him in order to move forward and force a connection that just isnt there.

You can get chicks in smaller controlled environments, but truth be told, the really hot babes, the ones he thinks he deserves, are out partying all night, surrounded by alphas, so hes forced with making the decision of either settling for the unappealing mediocre chicks that doesnt cause him any trouble, or being a hypocrite to himself, and going to the places where the babes are and putting on a show for everyone. Who said anything was easy right?

An introvert is concise with his content, he just cant be part of conversations that go nowhere and give his 2 cents on topics he knows nothing about, just so he can be heard. He doesnt want to pretend and make believe hi is interested and ask questions about things he doesn care.

The Introvert is down to earth. He outputs a serene presence, not because he has no emotions, but because he's battling constantly with meaningful theoretical and practical problems, gets answers hes satisfied with and has a plan of action. He's not into hearing other people bitching, moaning and whining about things that dont matter to him. His calmness make him seem like he doesnt give a damn, but actually hes at peace with himself for having identified and working on his problems.

He needs quiet environments so he can be alone and govern his thoughts. He cant handle these messy, noisy ambiance, where everything is fast paced, and out of control, and demands high-amounts of energy for him, so he seemingly shuts down and seems out of place.

I'm not really sure if an introvert can ever become an extrovert. Its just to big of a leap. Its like going from one extreme to the next. The best thing to get to would be out-going. But even there he'll be limited.

An introvert needs to take some steps back, evaluate the situation and then go for best possible outcome. He picks his battle, and always thrives for the best. An extrovert on the other hand, acts on the spot. He could be right or wrong. Doesnt care. Is true to himself, bases his action on instinct, and past experience. His haste could prove a disaster.

Extroverts create topics. Introverts either butt-in on topics brought by extroverts, if they're out-going enough and trust themselves to speak up, or they stay quiet cause they are either snobbish into thinking the context is of no importance, or even worse they're shy and feel like they're of no value enough to speak up their mind. That is because the just say what on my mind. Since what i have on my mind is complex is getting discarded if brought up as a topic. I tend not to create new topics.

An introvert needs to feel in control to feel important, an extrovert demands control. In other words the introvert has situational confidence, and extrovert has core confidence.

How can i turn things in my favor and to my advantage?

Put yourself into more situations with women where there is no competition from the sausage-fest of chodes you get at the nightclubs. Many of the women you believe are those hot, untouchable unattainable HB11+++ in the club are actually no more than very well made-up attractive bar sluts. If you want classy women and you're not confident enough to pick them up in clubs, you can't expect to pick them up at 3am when you're surrounded by orange-tanned 'roid rage chodes in the VIP who all want the same girl. Girls who are this much in demand get an over-inflated ego and tend not to be good company / GF material anyway. De-mystify the club and de-mystify the bar sluts. It's not rocket science.

Join a salsa class, learn a language, go surfing, go to the beach, do your washing at the laundrette, pay attention when you do your groceries. Anything which creates context for conversation. Some of the classiest HB10 girls out there hardly ever go out clubbing because of all the chodes.

Avoid classifying people / yourself as introvert or extrovert. It is counter-productive. Anybody who is confident in their field is an extrovert IN HIS FIELD. Take the fat nerd with neck beard who plays D&D or Warcraft. If you're talking about either of those topics, he is an expert, he is excitable, he is dominant, he is an extrovert. But put him in the VIP with chodes and hot girls and he "becomes" introvert because he has no knowledge or experience in the club situation and therefore no confidence in there. Take the alpha chode out of the club and tell him he must win a game of D&D in a room full of fat neck-beards screaming about Mana and HP and he is going to lose his confidence because he lacks experience in that field.

Use the word confidence instead of introvert / extrovert.

My guess is you are using the "introvert" thing as an excuse for your lack of experience. You won't improve with women unless you expose yourself to uncomfortable situations. After a while you will revel and feel relaxed in situations which previously made you nervous. You haven't been out there gaming long enough to say that you are no good. What are you good at? Get nerd-level good at something which is useful in the dating game / club game. Singing, dancing, guitar, magic etc. As long as you do these things for the pure fun of it to test your limits and NOT to impress / "win over" women. Create context. Once you are confident (NOT an extrovert) in the club / daygame, you will be way ahead of the pack and more relaxed with women.

Relax. You are over-analysing. Women just want sex and affection from a confident man who makes them feel good. It's really that simple.

Well, I have a very simple answer for you, if you want it. Just remember -- simple doesn't mean easy.

The short version is that you need to put yourself into situations that give you no other choice than to step into the spotlight and take charge of situations.

Here's the long version:
I was always an extremely shy introvert and I still consider myself to be one, although nobody who didn't know me as a teenager would believe it.

I wanted to learn martial arts, so at about 12 years old, I was forced to stand up in front of the entire class and fight full contact with everyone watching. You would think that I was the most confident person in the world until the sparring match was over and I was afraid to look anyone in the eye when I wasn't fighting.

Then I joined the army. That changed things a bit when I was promoted to sergeant. It was my job to get people to do what they had to, if they liked it or not. I had to stand in front of groups of men and lead them in PT.

I left the army and became a trainer for a security company. That means that I had to stand in front of groups of strangers and teach them how to shoot, handcuff people, armbar people, etc. That helped a lot because they just assumed that I was an extroverted alpha male, even before and after training and during breaks, which I really wasn't. However, because they treated me like they expected me to be an alpha, even when I wasn't standing in front of a class, I ended up expanding to fill the part.

Later I started working as a bouncer. That was also situational confidence at first, but I finally got to the point where I could just stand anywhere I wanted in the club or bar and feel like I owned the place. I can look a man I don't know in the eyes or look a woman over without being uncomfortable. If someone has a problem with it, its his or her problem. I can even stand motionless in the middle of a packed dance floor and not feel out of place.

What I am saying is, if you always stay in quiet, relaxed environments where you don't feel uncomfortable, you'll never be put under pressure to socially evolve. If you put yourself in a sink or swim situation, you'll have no other choice than to grow as a person.

Some people might suggest improv or acting lessens, but that would probably just result in situational confidence, like my martial arts training did. You may be able to act on stage in front of a thousand people, but still be afraid to look your co-stars in the eyes between scenes.

Becomming a DJ is another suggestion, but I, as a bouncer, know a lot of DJ's that are very socially akward and nerdy. They come before the place opens and scurry into their booths and then leave, long after the place is empty.

What I would say is that you should consider either getting a management job, where you are in charge of a team of people and there are no clear procedures for dealing with day to day business and you have to make decisions and see to it that the others follow through or you should become a waiter or bartender.

If you can get a side (or full-time) job as a waiter in a restaurant or a bartender in a restaurant or bar, you will be forced to deal with hundreds of strangers every day. Men, women, groups. You will have to constantly introduce yourself, ask the customers if they want anything and make small talk.

Not to mention, if you work as a bartender, you'll have women constantly flirting with you.

_________________
Prepared Natural Game
Bridging the gap between routine game and just saying hi . . .

www.PreparedNaturalGame.com

Thanks guys, these were some excellent responses. A couple of things though that i would like to set straight. I'm not really shy. I'm just an introvert to the point that i have become cynical and jaded when faced with situations that i dont find entertaining, like large groups of people talking nonsense and carrying on with topics i dont find appealing.

Like for example the other night i was with my wing, when we met with an ex of his, and suddenly we got introduced to a party of 11 people. My wing was preoccupied with his ex, and i was left mingling and trying to get to know each of those people. I really made an effort talking and getting to know everyone, but the conversation was boring. Everybody was just talking about studies and how they were looking for jobs, and blah blah, and eventually i got bummed out. Of course the blames not all on them. If i wasnt the introvert i describe to be, then i could find enthusiasm on trivial things and got on a mindset of having fun even though i wasnt really at that time.

Also i dont stay on my comfort in any way. I push myself everyday to get better on the skills i'm lacking, improve and reinvent myself on the best light possible. I never forget that, and will not rest until i'm in a position i want to be.

But specific things i described previously, are my biggest concern. Overanalysing or not, they to tend to come back and i really have to address them before i move forward. Until i either find ways around some of these limiting beliefs, or come to terms with them, i wont be as complete a person as i'd like to be.

Don't rationalise and make excuses. The more you blame other things instead of yourself, the less success you'll have with women.

Boring conversation? Be a man and lead the conversation towards your field of expertise.

The first step towards success is accepting that right now, you're not getting the success you want. Accept that you suck and make the necessary changes. The more you make excuses the more you woll suck with women.

I think we all just misunderstood your problem. If you say that you're not shy, then you're not introverted.

Your problem seems to be, and I don't intend to disrespect you at all, that you are boring. No offense, being a boring person was another one of the many problems I have had to deal with in my life.

Take Hunter's advice and take responsibility for your own happiness.

If you are at a party and you leave every conversation because it isn't interesting for you, you're not an introvert. An introvert would have been too shy to take part in the conversation in the first place.

Its also not "their fault" if you don't enjoy what they're talking about. Like Hunter said, be a man and change or lead the conversation. If you walk into a store and say that you need some new clothes, would you buy whatever the salesperson gives you, whether you like them or not and then leave and say that the store sucks? Or would you tell him or her that you don't like those clothes, but you would like to try something else?

_________________
Prepared Natural Game
Bridging the gap between routine game and just saying hi . . .

www.PreparedNaturalGame.com

I like this dialogue, cause it allows for more introspection. Well you do have a point, but here's where i beg to differ. You say i'm not introvert, i still say i am, for all the reasons i discussed previously, you say i'm boring, well newsflash for me, i could be outputing myself as boring upon 1st encounters. What do i mean by that?

I think a boring guy by definition is someone that leads a boring life. Doing ordinary things, not taking the extra steps, going nowhere eventually. I dont think myself that way. I have lots of interests and I'm passionate about discovering new things and hobbies in life, I'm a yes man, and try to jump on new opportunities, etc. Its just that i'm not really into promoting myself. I find that this is what everybody is doing. I feel like i need the other person to really know me to discover what i have to offer. I wont go out in clubs and be like, hey I'm working out, i lost 60lbs and i'm putting on on muscle, i'm watching all kinds of movies and TV shows, i read books about philosophy, and psychology, and japanese literature and italian poetry, I'm into technology and digital photography. So all in all i'm not a self-promoter. Maybe it stems back on my early years where i could see people trying to prove they were somebody, by listing their best attributes on an arrogant way.

Amidst my friends and circles, i really am standing out, as a strong presence and someone of value. I'm the one my friends turn to for opinions, the one that makes the jokes, the one to lead. I have situational value. I have built rapport with them with many small steps, they know what my beliefs are, what my everyday life is like, so i can just ease back and be myself, and be good at what i do. I just don't know how to package my persona , into something that can subtly show my characteristics on these brief 1st encounters and lead an entire group of strangers so when things get boring i can take the lead into talking about something more interesting and not be boring myself. This is where I'm working on. Plus introverts have another destructive way of thinking like, hey i'm not even going to meet again any of these guys, why exude all this energy, and try so hard when i dont really care what they think of me. Something an extrovert would never think cause he's so in the moment, and has the people advantage.

"You can lead a donkey to water but you can't make it drink."

You asked for advice, we gave you the correct advice. You got defensive, you rejected everything you didn't want to hear. We are here to show you how to create opportunities to have sex with hot women, that's it. You don't like interacting with new people because it's outside your comfort zone. You will never be successful with women until you are willing to open up to strangers. All girls are strangers until you fuck them. And even then, sometimes afterwards they still remain strangers

You need to show a genuine interest in other people if you want to make connections. Someone is boring you? Ask them about a more exciting part of their life. The truth is, if a stranger is judging you, there is no difference between you and a boring person. If you are not willing to show your interesting side, you are just as bad as a boring person. The fact you're probably not going to see these peopke again is EVEN MORE reason to throw caution to the wind and just be super confident, who gives a fuck if you never see them again. Every interaction is useful TO YOU because you improve your confidence with every experience, positive or negative.

You clearly have a problem with confidence, so stop trying to save face by denying it, we are just anonymous guys on the internet, so you have no "reputation" to preserve. You are lying to yourself if you believe you dont have confidence issues. Eye contact, flirting with sexual innuendos, confident body language, physical touch, masculine traits, physical escalation. If you had all of these, you would have no problem pulling in the girls. There's a big difference between mindlessly bragging and genuinely talking about who you are and what you're about. We are all self-absorbed, it is an undeniable survival instinct, without it, we would die out.

You are too intellectual and not SEXUAL enough. Do you want sex or not??

.

I have a long way to go it seems. I respect everything you say. As i said on another topic your posts are influential. Faceless environment or not, i look up to what you're saying. I wish i could have met you on real life, cause i sure would learn a lot from you. My close friends and people i hang out with, although they have the best intentions have not that much insight to guide me to the correct path.

You've got some introvert in you, sure... but mostly, you're just a selfish prick who lacks communication skills. The good news is that we are what we do. The guy who cuts you off, honks, and gives you a middle finger on the street is an asshole. But when he gets to the hospital to hand out balloons to sick kids, he's an angel... You too could shift gears just as quickly.

What you do in your social life is what you're doing in this thread. You choose your words carefully. You sure seem civil. But you essentially tell everybody, "Thanks for the effort but fuck you." These guys both offered you well thought out advice... and even though the topic is YOU... and even though the advice offered are spot on, you brush them off and end with what amounts to, "Whatever guys... oh yeah, I kinda want to keep you as my virtual buddies." - No? You don't address any specifics. You sugar coated with what amounts to, "You bored me," then give a token, completely insincere non-response reply. What you just wrote is the way kids say, "thank you", when they get a hallmark card for a birthday with no money in it. It's how kids say, "sorry", when a teacher forces two fighting kids to shake hands and make up. Grow up man... Stop cherry picking terminology from your social psych text book to hide the fact that you're a selfish prick. At least be honest with yourself. Be proud of being a selfish prick and stick with it or admit it, own it, and try to change. This bastardization my man Carl Jung's teachings is rather tasteless.

You have said a lot. You're not an introvert.

_________________
~ the year of the water snake ~

No that's where you're wrong. An introvert isnt someone whos shy and only speaks a little. An introvert wont shut up about something that he cares and is passionate about. It is just that extroverts are naturally outgoing and people pleasers and will talk about anything in order to build rapport, because thats how they honestly feel, and cant have it any other way. Compared to introverts who will only talk about things that excite them, and only look to form bonds with people that find interesting and share common interests with. Sure you can use canned materials and pre-planned conversations to get the party or a chick going, but unless you become the center of attention, an introvert stays on the background and loses momentum quickly. That's why it is important to start strong and keep building from there.

The only thing that matters is what Hunter said, dont look at it as one or the other it doesnt matter what you are, just focus on improving your social skills and dont think yourself as an introvert. Its a limitng belief. But its not like i cant trust myself to do it. It's that sometimes i'm just that not sure that i want to.

I'm selfish, everybody's selfish, i may be an asshole, i could be boring, who cares!

No kidding.
Not true.


Probably


You are.
You do because you're writing about it.
Others obviously do not care about you because again... you are writing about it.

Not sure how you or some psych diagnosed you but a mistake has been made. You most likely suffer from idiocy. You'd like to remain a selfish a-hole but you believe that 'social skills' will fix everything. Ha ha ha ha ha. . . Probably not as funny for you as this is for us.

I just registered to say this:
ziki, from your initial post I can say this: You most certainly are an introvert.
Why do I say this. Because I can recognize myself in pretty much everything you write.

I'm not surprised by the reaction you are getting though. It's common.
Some people think that its just a mindset, but its not. It's not something you can ever shake. Sure you can take on the extrovert sweater for a while, but it WILL drain an introvert of all energy. An introvert refuels by alone time, by self reflection.

ziki the entire PUA community (that I know of) is tailored towards extroverts, shy or otherwise. Most people tend to think that a shy quiet extrovert is an introvert. Lol not so. There is a world of difference.

I suggest everyone go through "The Introvert Advantage". It's on audible. Especially you extroverts who don't know the difference. It explains pretty well what an actual introvert is.

ziki, give up on the club scene. It's a noisy place where you will only ever feel at home after ingesting large amounts of alcohol/drugs.

Exploit the fact that you are an introvert. Give yourself permission to not be an extrovert. Find ways to express your power as an introvert. There are enough extroverts in the world.
Grooming, dressing well, being in absolute control of your ticks, and being knowledgeable is your key to success. If you are among people who discuss matters without substance, then you are in the wrong crowd friend.

"Great mind discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and weak minds discuss people". Which group would you rather hang out with?

This will be my only post on this site. I don't need the kind of teachings the PUA community preaches. It's great for extroverts and I'm sure it will help many o' extrovert.

But ziki, it might not be for you....
It's not for me.

Ps. kasabi, how can a guy with almost 3000 posts be such a fucking prick?

LOL....

You and the OP have very little in common other than the fact that you both may have skimmed a chapter out of social psychology textbook. The OP is a self-admitted selfish prick. You are a deluded moron. If you do not need the "kind of teachings the pua community preaches", then why are you even here? What you are doing is about as moronic as a Jew chilling out at a youth Nazi disco party. Why don't you get lost and continue to jack off in own self-diagnosed mental disability la-la land?

^This is going to become more common in the future as the psychology-pharmaceutical-medical cartel continues to label and brand every human characteristic and tendency as an illness. Some will sway and give in. Most already have.