So i posted this on another site:

We have been dating about 7 months now... In the beginning I was independent confident and went out with friends often. She is a very independent woman and doesn't like help from anyone. Lately i have been asking to hang out with her alot because we haven't had time to ourselves in awhile..

Ive been clingy so everything was good thursday and friday. We had a nice talk hung out ect. Saturday morning she invited me over for breakfast and she was loving and caring cuddly etc well i had stuff to do so i left i get a txt later on saying i know you wanted to do stuff tonight but i really just want to stay in and get caught up on things. So i said ok im going to hang out with friends etc so ill talk to you later. She was like ok love you just keep me informed.

So later on around 1 in the morning i went home and i couldn't sleep so i thought it would be nice to surprise her and went to her house. Her bro was up so i walked in and cuddle with her. Everything seemed good but she still didn't feel good so i figured i would leave and head home then. She was still loving etc.

The next day i didnt get a txt until later in the afternoon saying sorry im just getting back to you i was a little annoying you showed up uninvited. Im not mad but don't do it again. So i replied i thought i was doing something nice and asked her how she felt. She responded then i said maybe we can do something today if you feel better. I never heard back so later on i replied or not and then said im disappointed you didn't responded all day! if you didn't want to do anything you could at least tell me. i get a response i need some time to myself good night. So i said sweet dream good night and haven't talked to her since.

I haven't heard anything from her and we work together so ive been avoiding her to give her space. I asked a friend whats up and here is what i know..

She said im wonderful and do everything right except just one thing sets her off. She is stressed because her daughter is a little brat lately and she is buying a house which she talked about me moving in. All of this has been a weight on her shoulders. She told this friend that maybe it isn't me at all maybe just the stress but she doesn't know.

I know her ex up and left and she is always worried about me doing the same after i got so close to her and her daughter. So i don't know if i should reach out or just wait for her to come to me. She did say to her friend that she plans to hang out with me this weekend because we spent alot of money on custom costumes and she wants to go out and show them off.

So what would you do? How should i act when she msgs me or call. Should i contact her or let her know i care? idk what to do but i know this could be it and i know ive been clingy so i don't want to do that again i just want a happy medium.


This guy replies this:




Are you even a dude?
This reads like some weepy woman's missive.

I don't even know where to start.

First you don't "invite yourself over" to her place after 7:00. ESPECIALLY if she doesn't live alone. You said she has kids, and that is just wrong all the way around. It's not even something she should have to tell you - you don't go over her house without an invitation, or at least calling ahead. EVER. Period.

Second. Yeah you should back off.
You're being way too clingy. She was attracted to you because you're a man, so stop acting like another girl friend. Guys don't cling or stop over for a snuggle to help her feel better. We make GRAND GESTURES to tell others that we think our woman is special. And that is what will make her feel special - not some girly commiseration.

Hint: Most women won't see you as 'offering' comfort at a time like this, but rather looking for something for yourself - like a quick snuggle and feel. Know many women who like to give a bj when they are 'feeling sick' and not very attractive? Ne neither.

Third. If you want to do or say something to 'help her feel better,' go buy a card or some flowers. That shows some thought and you don't have to worry about acting un-manly.

Fourth. NO adult woman ever wants to hear that you are "disappointed" in her, or by something she did or said. That is outright patronizing. IF she doesn't go Vesuvius on your ass right away, she is just going to simmer and resent what you said.


Finally, if she hasn't moved on then you should definitely give her some space. And while you do that, you should find and review your MAN credentials, to remember what it is that she (or any woman) really appreciates about you. I'm willing to bet that it wasn't your ability to snuggle up and offer sympathy when she is feeling sick.

You are over thinking this. Just be a strong and reliable man. women like their men to be predictable. You will learn specific ways to "be there" for her eventually, but you first need to be reliable and strong. After that the rest is easy.

Damn. Just damn


What do you think of his response. What would you do.. I don't mind harsh critics so give it to me..

I am prepared to break it off with her if i need to... I do want to try to work this out with this woman but i don't want to go back to my bad habits.

I know how you feel in a way, Im a right nob to begin with then I can get soppy and nice, but you have to balance it

remember girls dont like nice guys!

and always, always make her laugh!

think- how did she fall in love with you to begin with? whats changed since then? be a man she can rely on

reassure her that you are going to fix things-

im going through exactly the same right now, you need to tell her, and show her you are there for her, her problems are your problems

you are the man, you need to support her

I have the same problem. When I'm single and in the game, I don't buy into all the romantic stuff and I have an objective view of women. When I meet someone i like eventually I become some sort of hopeless romantic and invariably descend into neediness, though this is getting markedly better.

I'm taking some time away from relationships after a recent break up to think about myself and to improve myself and to rediscover the person I was.

Guy has a point, on some level it all comes off as needy, clingy. Just say hey you need space, I'm here if you need me and leave it at that. Go do you man! Just because you have a woman doesn't mean you don't have to work harder to keep them, in some respect...

All these things you did when you were single was to get girls. Even though you might disagree with that, but on a deeper level we all do that time to time. You have to find out how to be a happy person by yourself and do not depend on anybody. Another thing is to have a passion in your life. If you are passionate about something, your attention will not be fully concentrated on a your gf. Therefore you will never be needy and you are going to project more masculine energy wich will satisfy her feminine state.

Hope this helps,

Oliver.

I agree with this 100%

One of my biggest shortcomings was the false belief that being in a loving relationship would make me happy, regardless of all other circumstance. I was terrible with women until my twenties (only 24 now and still not great) and I wanted it so bad I somehow saw a gf as some kind of cure-all because it was the only aspect of my life that I focused on. So when I got into a relationship, it was practically the only thing in my life making me happy, so it's importance was greatly exaggerated to perhaps an unhealthy extent.

I'm still in the process of achieving a more balanced life, focusing on writing and other things I am passionate about. You're not going to find the key to happiness in someone else, you're not going to find someone who completes you. You have to do it yourself, that's the biggest thing game taught me, and the most valuable lesson I learned had little to do with women.

Thumbs to the post above. Great explanation, brother!

Women will never make you happy, but they will help you to rediscover your true potential

She ended it.... But im looking to save this somehow and i hope you guy can help me out.
I don't get into relationships to just give up and start over. I have girl that are hitting me up already but i want to try and fix this if at all possible...

So here are the events that happened... I sent her a txt wed saying can we talk after work for 5 mins. She replied and said we can probably do that. i will let you know. i said kk went on with my day. I get off work at 6 so i waited around for awhile then decide screw it i will go out with my friends 2 girls she met them etc. So i get a txt about 1 saying i know your still up and i need space and don't want anyone around for awhile. i said i feel the same but come talk to me for 5 mins. i deserve that at least. She is like no. So i was driving home and her house is on the way so i stopped thinking maybe i can talk to her and fix it.. I knock on the door, txt nothing so i sent a txt saying come out and i will leave. she said ill call the cops so i left.

I wasn't there for more then 5 mins and i wasn't crazy bashing on the door etc just wanted a face to face convo. So i went home defeated. the next day i get a txt saying talking face to face at that hr wasn't a good idea and all i planned to do was take time for myself, stay close and civil and maybe pick back up on things later but your fucked now and shouldn't have shown up.

I go I don't want to be with you anyway. Youre a cold person and i don't deserve that, I did so much for you and i and you couldn't even talk to me in person.

She goes youre right i am cold, it is because of my past and i probably won't change. your a great guy im sorry it ended this way.

I said something like it happens, just get your things when you can.

and that was that...

i posted online i was single and what not and a bunch of girls where eating it up etc.

I get a txt saying you need to stop putting everything online and involving everyone like a child. Your are making things way worse. Ill talk to you next week once i see that you have calmed down.



If she didn't care she probably wouldn't want to talk, correct?

What can i do to fix things between us. I know alot of people will say it is a lost cause and maybe it is but i need to at least try.

So i plan to not msg or post things to piss her off and maybe give her a chance to start to miss me.
When we talk what should i do? She also closes on this house that has her stressed on monday so should i send a txt saying good luck at the signing and congrats on the house.? Anything guys, break ups suck.

A similar thing happened to me two and a half weeks ago, well not 100% similar, but I was dumped suddenly.

Don't say spiteful things, it's hard not to, but your best sign off is "I really enjoyed our time together, maybe we could pick things up one day, but until then all the best" and then go NC. Strict NC. Don't be checking her page and getting yourself in an emotional mess and don't start posting things to bait her. Look at my "dumped by text at 4am" because Hobbit gave me some great advice. But I am a firm believer in no contact for YOU, it's not about getting her back.

STOP talking to her for some time. No contact is the best way to heal because this relationship is probably over, and even if it resumed it wouldn't be the same and there would be damaged trust. Eliminate false hope from your mind.

Trust me now, you cannot talk this through and fix it suddenly using logic and rational arguments, all that does is reinforce her decision and will stir up your emotions until you damage things further. It's really hard to do. This isn't fixable now, there is a SLIGHT chance she may miss you and hit you up but we're talking months, not weeks. Stay strong and go NC, don't accept friendship, just be civil and remove contact. Don't wait around for her call and delete her number so you can't drunk dial her. Write it on a piece of paper and give it to a friend or hide it if at some point you must call her to get your stuff etc.

She says she will talk to you next week, but don't hang your hopes on it, because the odds are against some miraculous reconciliation. I have been there, I have asked people of great knowledge and experience on this forum about what to do during "the talk" and they said she'd just toy with me, see that I still missed her and move on, and they were right.

I cannot stress enough how much you need to exercise damage control and stop any form of communication, any form at all. A clean break is your best hope for moving on and for reconciliation, but again, it is imperative not to expect to get her back. You can find all sorts of "get your ex back" systems on google, they are all bullshit, sometimes she just doesn't want to be with you. But you need to give her space now, 100%.

I have been going through/am going through NC with an ex and the ups and downs that go with it, feel free to PM me at any point. DON'T keep contacting her.

EDIT: When you do talk to her, just be cool, keep things quick and wish her all the best. Don't cry or break down. In fact, I would advise against meeting with her since you are guaranteed to be left with some uncertainty and false hope that stops you moving on.

im going through exactly the same


just wish her all the best in the future, or see you around


I did exactly the same last night night, and then she started talking to me more, then started arguing

so I gave her an option; 'either do one, or stop this silly arguing like a pair of school kids'

then said look, 'lets give it a week and your welcome to try again'- this flips it to her side, sometimes makes her feel like shes the one thats messed up and puts the ball in her court, she agreed

so I said 'have a good week' and just left her to it


a week is a good length of time, its long enough for tempers to chill out and for her to chat with her mates, thats what all girls do etc, and start to miss you and realise, actually I loved him, or whatever

just go NC for a while and see what happens