In my life I've had a few experiences that would be called SNLs--the wildest was the virgin. One was for sure a virgin. One more I suspect was. Despite the drinking and time delay since the story, I remember and can break down the virgin set.

I didn't know 'game' at the time. This was back in the early 00s. I was a college ball player, spent alot of time going out to get laid, with mediocre success (Score was somewhere in the teens then, and I was 21). And more than many guys, my game then was super inconsistent--I'd be casanova for a week, followed by loser for a semester.... But I've digressed.

Setting: Frat Party. Country theme, but was playing rap music (smaller frat house. 2 dance floors on top of eachother, bar on the bottom floor in the back)

Hero at the time: Still in college ball shape 6'4ish 285ish. White dude

I'd been drinking a bit that night already (standard for the time), and head into the party hammered. I walk straight to the bar (a mistake now that I'm a bit wiser). Which means I get past the line at the door, and awkwardly traverse 1/2 the top dance floor and all the bottom floor. While I have some rhythm, my dance game was never a big strength, and I basically go through the crowd. I see a teammate drunkenly dancing with an unbuttoned flannel shirt, hay was everywhere, the temp outside was somewhere around 40F... The room was wall to wall drunken college denizens.

So I head to the bar. Which is packed like a sardine can. Not being a regular at this house, I know NOBODY. But as I look at where to stand to wait, I see a tall, athletic 7.5 hanging out by the wall (supreme body, meh face).

At the time I thought it was a problem that the music was loud, supremely loud. Conversation was going to be impossible. Normally I succeeded (esp back then) by having a sense of humor, with assist from being a huge dude. I got out hi, so did she. We barely managed to get across that I played Ball, and her fieldhockey... Conversation was chumply, but I was saved by it being IMPOSSIBLE due to music volume. Somehow she was staring at me, HARD, and her arm and mine had been resting comfortably next to eachother... I turned to her, she reciprocated (gentlemen, this means its time to escalate); I just leaned in for a kiss, and she went for it. Hard. For about 2min (time a bit hazy), we drunkenly made out on the wall by the elevated bar in view of the whole dance floor... I wasn't a total idiot then: "Let's get out of here" I scream (bare minimum to converse). "Sure" was her reply.

So I take her by the hand and lead her across the dance floor hay to the stairs. And then the problems occur. The stairs are small and spiral, and can fit only 2 abreast--so one line came down and one line went up. As I'm leading her up the stairs I recognize 2 field hockey girls walking down. This is really bad. Field Hockey girls at my school had formed a cock-block society to keep eachother from hooking up with male athletes (specifically my team), mainly due to the speed at which locker room talk could create reputations in the athlete-community. To make matters worse, the stairs were quiet enough to communicate. "Hey are you alright?" to the Girl when they see her. Girl drapes her arms around me and says: "yeah I'm great." And her teammates tell her to have a nice night--I considered this luck (in retrospect 50% luck, 50% having a girl obviously interested enough that her friends would let her join me).

We get outside, and my shit-game showed itself again: "Where do you want to go, X party, some more drinks and chill at my house, or your place?" After getting near-dragged out of a frat party by a girl, the appropriate line is to just walk her to your dorm room while saying lets keep the party going.
However, boys, I was in luck that night. Her response:
"Let's go into a dorm that isn't ours, into a room that isn't ours."
Full Stop. What? In years of going out and hitting on women I have not heard that before or since. Awesome. And then I do something smart, knowing that the dorm in front of us has single-unit, co-ed, locking bathrooms with a shower, I suggest we go there. We do. I lead her into a bathroom and lock the door. Its about as unromantic as possible. Shitter in the middle of the room, grungy looking tiles, crappy mirror and sink, with a curtainless shower half covered by a plastic barrier in the back of the thing.
So I turn off the light and start making out with the girl. I take off my clothes, and some of hers then she finishes off getting naked as making out and feeling up happens.

Fast forward to me banging her on the floor of the cold shower (was hard to get in...). And she stops me right as I'm about to come... Which sucks. A lot. But c'est la vie so I pull out and blast all over the floor. Figuring that she was done. I turn on the light.

We're covered in party dirt, shower dirt, a little cum, and what the fuck is that? It was blood running all the way down to her ankle. Periods don't do that to women. So I suggest: "Let's take a shower"

Logical right?

So as she's riding me in the shower (which has a handicap seat I used this time, sex was way better with the hot water coming down). She asks, "do you even know my name" Me: [her name]. Her, throws her arms me: "you're great."
Me, as she's riding me like I'm Secretariat: "Are you a virgin"
Her: "Yes"
Me: "Not anymore"
Her response was to ride faster

So we get out of the shower. Put on our soaking wet clothes (drunk people + showers + clothes + sex = wet clothes). Walk out of the building, I say something like: "hey lets go back to x." her response is to Take Off saying: "nice meeting you, I gotta go"

Emailed her the next day with a 'nice to hang out with you at the party, want to hang out again' or some such crappy follow up and got silence.

Retrospective Grade: Body Language was A-, Word Game was D- (saved by music and results), in house logistics and use of props C, out-of-house logistics earned a solid A, being at the right place at the right time? Priceless