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Again, you sound like a religious nutjob. You are looking at something that empirically, provably, statistically fails MOST of the time, and yet continue to somehow believe it's a good idea and works "if only they want it bad enough!1!!!"
You ignored everything I've said.
Haven't read a single book I referenced, or even looked it up.
Haven't explained why if monogamy is so great, they're spending millions of dollars trying to find a cure for it.
Haven't made a reasonable argument--accusing me of "it not working for me" sounds like "well just because Faith In The Second Coming Of Christ doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's retarded."
Of course it is.
Your statement "it would work if more people just wanted to make it work" completely ignores everything we know about science, biology, evolution and anthropology.
About 7% of species on this planet are lifelong monogamous. Humans and all their closest primate relatives are nowhere near that 7%. Or perhaps you can explain to me, then, why every one of our closest biological relatives is far from monogamous but then somehow it magically becomes the case that we are?
And then, reconcile that with the fact that it doesn't work.
The moment it became OK to divorce people whenever you felt like it, the rate skyrocketed because it reflected real desires rather than the sociological imperative of "staying married" for appearances, out of fear of ostracism.
When you talk about your parents, you are talking about a generation that still had that paradigm. One in which MOST successful marriages followed a "the man is boss and the woman is subordinate" paradigm, that obviously is rare these days thanks to Feminism and pussified men.
It "worked" better in generations past, partly because divorce was stigmatized so people stayed together, and also because it was a different world.
In OUR world, the one you and I live in, and OUR generation, marriage is something people do because they feel like they have to. It's on their Bucket list. Then when they get divorced, if they're really stupid, they get married again to try and "make it work"--which is why the second-divorce rate is 20% HIGHER than it is for first marriages.
Must be a lot of people running around who really don't want monogamy to work.
Or maybe it fights every iota of their DNA and biology to try and pretend they won't be attracted to other people throughout the course of a lifetime.
You're the type of guy who wants to get married, it's obvious.
Looking forward to your post after a few years of marriage about all the drama, bullshit, cheating, and unhappiness that happened once you tied the knot. Not to mention that you won't be getting laid anymore.
You could avoid ALL OF THAT by simply not being monogamous, but you're not smart enough to be rational.
I didn't read a book you referenced. I asked you what book or source you quoted with the 87% stat. You failed to answer my question, so that I actually possibly COULD read it.
I never said monogamy was great, or shitty. Just that your beliefs only apply to you. You say I sound like a religious nutjob. I'm not the one trying to convince others that my way is the only way that works. I'm saying, each guy has gotta find his own way.
What you fail to realize is that while biology may create the drive within a man to fuck a bunch of women, unlike all of our primate relatives you reference, we can reason. This gives us the ability to want something, and not just act on that desire like a dog acts on a bone. We can actually logically see how lunging at one piece of pussy, might cost us a different pussy that we like better, and if we so choose, we can say, nah, this one on the table isn't worth it. That is, if that's what we want. In my youth, that's what I wanted, and what I did. I fucked women, a lot of them. Until I finally decided later that I'd rather have 1 person I was closer too, instead of several that I was only interested in until I was tired of them in bed.
For the second time, I think you nailed it when you said "Must be a lot of people running around that don't want monogamy". If you actually read what I wrote, you'd comprehend that I said I think that's precisely the case. The problem is that many of them don't even know what they want, which is to not be monogamistic. Instead, they think they want to fit in and do what they think others think they should do.
My parents aren't married because they were part of a specific generational paradigm. Over half my aunt and uncles are divorced, so it's not like family or friends would condemn them. They are together because considering the options, one being what you laid out, they both said, aww fuck that. I prefer my spouse. They aren't giddy all the time, but when I had my divorce and talked with my old man, he was clear. When I asked him why he didn't leave, his answer was short. He said, I don't want to, so why would I?
You're correct. I do prefer monagamy. I've been where you are, I call it my youth. I've also been married, cheated, all the shit you mentioned. Now being past all that, I'm still attracted to a variety of women, but honestly can say, I don't give 2 shits whether I fuck them all, or some of them, or none of them. I'm just fine to go without until I find what I want. Ironically, this actually gets me laid, because it keeps me from being a needy little bitch.
Someday, maybe, you might learn that not everyone is you. Different strokes for different folks. The OP is at a crossroads and if he has any smarts, he'll determine what stroke is his at this point in his life, and that is his answer to his own question. Just because a long term monogamous relationship doesn't last forever don't make it wrong or mean it didn't work. It just means it ended, just like all your short term open relationships. By your definition of "doesn't work" couldn't we all say none of your relationships work either? How do you define a successful relationship?
CHAT
