Despite not knowing much about couple's therapy, I believe everyone who was astonished is coming from a place of common sense. I don't know much about cars, but I know if I buy a new car that needs constant repairs a few months in, it's not a good car. I can cheat on, beat and abuse my wife and a counselor would recommend therapy over the simple truth of telling her to walk away. Good luck and all with the therapy. But reading the story of a woman who thinks you have to do more, and a man who gets them to therapy, it just sounds like most likely deep down this is a way to keep a woman. Where is the line between putting a good rs back on track by using therapy, and using therapy to make 2 incompatible people stay together for what sake? Should all rs go through couples therapy to work out any problems? Should the guy whose gf texted and messed around with another guy go through therapy to uncover the root of her dishonesty so they can stay together, or should he cut bait? What is special about this rs that it's problems require therapy over moving on?

The only need for relationship therapy is if you have a long lasting and meaningful relationship with variables to tie you together(Kid, house, dog, bank accounts), not a loose nine month relationship. That's borderline crazy. There are deep seated issues here on both parts.

On one side you have a woman who surrounds herself with women who will gladly feed into her delusions, all of which are unhappy in their relationships and on the other you have a man, not a boy, who feels the need to be dedicated to a nine month relationship.

It's a bad situation. No functional or long lasting relationship should require therapy early on. Therapy in a relationship is when you have a lot invested in the relationship itself, not the individual. Call it a day, grow up and move along. If you've been brainwashed into thinking you need therapy at such a young relationship you have other issues, you must perceive the world differently to most people. Couple that with the fact that you're young(You said you were in college?) then you are in for one nightmare of a ride later in life if you don't fix yourself now.

Call it a day, it's gone too far. Your councillor won't turn you away because you're paying him, he's going to give you what you're asking for, not what's best for you. What you're asking for is help with your relationship, what's best for you is to learn that you shouldn't be so heavily invested in a relationship after nine months. Relationship therapy(Although it's counselling) is for the greater of the relationship, not the individuals.

In relationship therapy you have 3 entities: 2 individuals, and the relationship itself. You cannot do work on one while neglecting the other(s). That said, relationship therapy is NOT for the greater of the relationship, but rather the relationship, and the 2 individuals that exist within it. A relationship itself does not exist within a vacuum as you'd suggested. And no, I'm not "young," nor have I been "brainwashed" by anyone.

Also, a countless number of couples seek relationship therapy for a myriad of reasons outside of any other commitments, perceived or real, holding them together (e.g., children, finances, religion, etc.). Often times a couple will be proactive in nipping issues in the bud before progressing with something such as moving in together, marriage or any other variety of reasons. Needless to say, I'm not here to debate the merits of couples therapy at any point in a relationship.

The part everyone is trying to tell you that I feel like you're missing, is that it's not the relationship counseling that is the issue. It's that you are having enough troubles this early on in the relationship to warrant a counselor. This early on you shouldn't have any issues. It should be a natural thing... not needing work. The work comes into play 3-5 years in as your lives start to evolve, kids come into the equation. Careers change, financial choices are made. When the love chemicals start to wear off and you're left with a partner that isn't as perfect as they were when you met. That is where things should get hard. Not within the first year.

Relationship counselling is specific to the relationship and making the relationship work. Not the individuals in the relationship. It's a means to make it tolerable and help the relationship work. If there are deep seated issues with one or both in the relationship relationship counselling will not focus on them, it will focus on the dynamic of the relationship and how they can work things around the relationship to stay together. For the individual you go to therapy(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy(CBT), Psychoanalysis, counselling, group therapy or whatever). It depends on the type of therapy that's best for you, the individual. Relationship counselling is primarily about the relationship. If what's best for you is to finish the relationship then relationship counselling isn't going to help you with that unless it's so extreme that you both are a threat to one another physically and to those around you.

This.

Actually CBT and CBT based techniques (adjunct) are excellent approaches to couples based counselling, depending of course on client-based variables, among other things. It is used extensively in couples counselling throughout the Western world and has shown great success (a simple psychinfo search will back this up). REBT, a cousin to CBT is also used when working with couples. EFT (Emotion-focused therapy) is one of the therapeutic modalities geared specifically towards couples, I actually prefer using this as a foundation. Psychoanalysis has largely gone the way of the dinosaurs, although there is a small niche of therapists who use it to varying success (I don't care for psychoanalysis in itself as it lends too much room for interpretation which is a strength, but I find moreso its achilles heal); it also can lead clients into areas where there wasn't even a problem but nevertheless they often buy into whatever the therapist observes (as its on a subconscious level, purportedly) and therefore agree with whatever prognosis is made.

FYI no ethical counsellor will keep a couple together to ensure repeat service. I'm not saying it doesn't happen (it does), but these are unscrupulous unethical, generally narcissistic types who have no business being in the field.

I am well aware of the benefits and statistics of CBT. Trust me, i'm not a D.Clin in Googling shit.

As to the FYI, I never suggested a counsellor would do that. I simply said if you seek couples counselling they will do as you ask and will try help you with your relationship.

Sometimes counsellors do help couples break up. I think you're getting a bit defensive lets stay on track.

As Brantley said its that the counseling is needed this soon.

The way I see it, this is a one-way relationship. Cutting clean the first couple of months when you see these red flags are good for you in the long run than trying to fix something for which the girl doesn't want to invest in.

I've been dating several very poor girls (along with a few rich ones) and somehow, they always try to reciprocate with what they can afford. While those do not seem much since I earn 10x to 12x than they do, percentage-wise you'll know it's a big deal because they spend something like more than 30% of their daily wage on you. This is aside from cleaning the apartment, cooking meals or doing the laundry.

You'll need to fix your skills in:

1) Screening out girls that are bad for you;
2) Learning to give girls escalating compliance tests so they'll get used to giving you favors and being generous to you; and
3) Fucking girls' brains out.

You'll have lesser stress and be happier when girls are doing nice things for you. At the end of the day, it doesn't hurt to invest your efforts on girls that give you massive returns on your investments. Only fix things that are within your control.

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Preciate the info. It's not as clear as you're suggesting, but without painting an entire context and heading her side you can't be expected to know. Thanks nonetheless.