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Sounds like she's bored in the rs and not that attracted. She's saying that you alone are not enough for her and you need to do more for her to be content. She's holding on until something better comes along. And as GamesN said it's emotional blackmail to tell you that and is disrespectful.
That's quite the inference. Can't say I agree as the two of us have recently begun couples therapy, although I'm not sure how committed the process she is (we're both paying out-of-pocket and investing time). When I did maintain that I choose to not be that kind of guy and that I'm cool with her leaving to find somebody more suitable, she insisted we drop the convo and go up to her place.
The last therapy session, however, begun w her stating that she wanted to end the relationship, however after the therapist framed our dynamic and a possible way through, together (through behavioral change) she then said she's open to working on it. I think at this point we're both hanging onto the rel by a thread - one foot out, one foot in, it's been a rough one, and at times downright terrible. Sure, life's too short, we obv have some attachment rel issues, and some love still keeping us hanging on, for what it's worth (and perhaps its better to simply cut the chord and move on).
We can analyze this every which way and still miss the mark as to what her motivation may be. And to be fair we've both endured a lot with this relationship - a relationship is supposed to add to one's life, not diminish or take away, we do add in some way but in many other ways it's been a massive struggle (and we're not even at a year into the rel).
3 months into the rel, I'd discovered she had an escort ad which she'd initially denied as being her. The short of it is I was ready to walk, but upon coming clean to me I had decided to still talk to her and see where things would go, provided that she was willing to completely forsake that lifestyle to which she insists she'd only been into for 2 months. A month or so later I'd discovered she also had an ad on a sugar daddy dating site. I share this because it does bode into the self-entitlement behavior I mentioned in this post. It took me months to begin to trust her again, and to this day I don't question her commitment to me, however her commitment to bettering the relationship remains somewhat uncertain to me, at least SPAM.
IUnfortunately she and I had been together nearly every day (and often evenings too) over the past 9+ months which clearly isn't healthy in any rel. We recognized this long ago and spoke about it but never really put much effort in implementing space. I believe we both struggle with attachment fears, but for me, particularly when we have a situation I tend to want to resolve matters in the moment, whereas she needs her space.
I'm going off a bit here. The point is the rel is not healthy, we, at least I am trying to have a healthy one (which begins with myself), but unfortunately I think this girl lacks the level of self-awareness that I possess and I know I can't shoulder the weight of the rel as I felt I've done in the past.
The entitlement beliefs she has are only adding to the weight of the relationship difficulties we're already having. I think quite honestly both her and I are exhausted, yet we're holding on....if by only a thread. The recurrence of her gripe a few days ago (during an argument) about me taking her to cheap little places and not taking her out and paying for meals at fancy places more often (I do take her to a nice restaurant 1-2x a month) felt pretty much unbearable as heavy as our relationship issues have been without this.
Yea, I do realize it's a choice. I don't really care if people here think she's up to no good, I know that she's not so I won't get sucked into that debate. I do feel disrespected in some ways by her behavior, and regardless I am taking the initiative to work on myself whether she's involved in the process or not.
Bottom line: with or without her I need to start taking better care of myself, putting myself as the priority rather than allowing the rel to monopolize my energies and constantly trying to determine where she's at in her process.
Not a big inference; she said she thinks you should do more. Hence she isn't content with you as you are. That's logical reasoning. Only inference is that she is holding on. If she keeps mentioning it she would rather someone who would do those things.
Sounds like a stressful rs and as GamesN said above, wow. If things need counseling in the first 9 months doesn't look good for the future.
CHAT