Hey all,

I've been focusing on inner game recently and wanted to share a realization I've had about working with PUA stuff.

It scares me.

It scares me because I'm afraid of admitting that I a) am somehow lacking what is "necessary" to inspire desire + attraction in others and b) am at a loss for what to do when I find someone who I'm genuinely excited about.

I'm the kind of person who will be myself no matter what -- I'm not gonna become a carbon copy of what "works" -- but I've taken to heart the "if it isn't working change it!" mantra, seeing it as an opportunity to reexamine how I approach social interactions and how I want to be socially. The PUA material has shed light on stuff I didn't "get" before.

So, here's to admitting it. And here's to change. And here's to the expectations set up to make us assume masculinity and femininity function a certain way and the roles assigned to them are set. I don't want to assume this or assume that things have to function a certain way. I don't believe that there are "buttons" in us that trigger one response like robots or rules that we have to follow for social "success", whatever that is, but clearly there are patterns that we can follow or go against in order to stimulate. So here's to trying.

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Now that that's out of the way here's a bit of history:

The last successful relationship I had that was a result of my pursuit ended over 4 years ago. It was happy and long, but, even my "successful" pursuits were sloppy and, until the last minute, I was convinced wouldn't work. We separated because neither of us were at a point where we wanted to settle down, but we felt the relationship going quickly in that direction. Time for a change.

Now if I pursue or want to show any interest in someone, as I wrote in other posts, I either get stuck in friendzone, freeze and run, or push too fast.

I've been trying to reframe my own perspective on the pursuit process via PUA techniques over the last few months and seeing sarging as a series of practice rounds - learning from every disappointment or triumph in the field as well as learning from all the limiting mind reasons I give myself when I don't even make it into the field. PUA is like a very particular language to discuss and understand these difficulties some how.

Things are changing slowly. I feel more comfortable speaking to strangers and do a daily mantra and boost - this world is full of possible partners in crime, adventure, love etc., just waiting for this star

But now it is time to work on my inner game and know how I can shift into romance mode. I received a very good response to an earlier post about friendzone anxiety: 'you speak differently with friends and with lovers.'
And now I'm working on navigating that territory, that difference. That's where I'm at guys.

Any of that sound familiar?

yes but you still have a lot of unhelpful ego to let go of. The more you try to fight PUA and keep those obstacles in your personality which are inherently unattractive to woman the longer your journey will be. Remember most of your "personality" is just a collection behaviors instituted de facto and de jure that have provided some marginally tenable social mechanism leading to your current AFC state. Trying to pick and choose which ones you can hold and let go of is a problem best dictated by results, not ego.

Detox: By unhelpful ego, do you mean the person's own personality traits (like when RealFeel is saying "I'm the kind of person who will be myself no matter what -- I'm not gonna become a carbon copy of what "works"")? Are you saying that individual personality is an AFC trait, and instead you should override that with PUA gambits and traits?

I might have misunderstood what you meant, but to me, what you're saying seems a bit unreasonable. You shouldn't just become a poster child of what a successful PUA looks and acts like, you should still be you – but better.

RealFeel, I think that you pinpointing and admitting your own inner game sticking points is the first step to getting past them, so I think you're on the right track. You probably need to just go out and practice more in the field, and not think too much.

What you're saying about masculine vs. feminine roles and switches, I think it's all very relative. I think there's a huge spectrum there, and for some women (or men for that matter), there are "buttons" that when pushed, can trigger certain emotions and responses, but the same things might not work on others. There are some buttons that are more common, so it makes sense to try and push them, because there's a higher chance it might work. Here's where calibration comes into play.