Many of you who read this already know my situation, so I'll leave details aside and focus on something recent and profound. I'll be very brief. Lets just talk topic straight, not about my inner game, 'trust morals' or anything like that.

This was the second time my girlfriend left or forgot facebook up when she left home. On the first occasion I didn't look, and felt I didn't need to, because she really doesn't have anything compromising, no chatting guys, and nothing she wouldn't tell me, unless you are a freak like me to dig like crazy where you shouldn't, but I'm sure she didn't expect me to. Well, this time I did. I don't feel self-conscious about it, not even care if she found out somehow, more like sheer curiosity. So lets skip "trust issues", we will be 1yr together very soon, and relationship is more than functional, despite me writting about negativities on this forum, I've learned that things really get better if I communicate and express myself clearly with her.

To the points:

1) first and foremost, I've seen her search history on facebook from past few months. It didn't really struck me, though I didn't expected this - she was typing searches every now and then for people who aren't on her friend list, but these were female persons as well. When it comes to men, I don't care about her looking random guys profiles, but the problem is some of them were specific, and on consistent basis. Moreover, there were guys who she unfriended already but is still searching their profiles. I can't call them "ex's" really, as she didn't have relationship before me, but most of them she made out with in younger days (no sex, she only had one experience before me about which I learned enough), and some of them were sportsmen she and her friends were meeting on travels to other countries, even of other race. She had very short, obsolete convo with one(prior to knowing me), he couldn't even speak english properly, but they were "missing each other" and sent kisses, and babbling how she might want to return to Spain in future, shit like that. She's 19, so she didn't travel independently anywhere, those were organized events in collective.

Now, I don't give a flying fuck about her 'flings' before we met, and until she started to spend her age of majority with me. But after she experienced real exclusive long term relationship now, I don't see why would she look back. It goes against her genuine admission that her history is practically blank when it comes to dating, or really insignificant matter at that age, and most importantly it makes me a little suspicious. If she wanted to masturbate, she could download all their photos, rather it seems like its a pattern of checking them out.


2) These days, as far as facebook logs show, she searched multiple times for one of my close friends who she met only once. And secondly saw him at one genral event(I'll keep this private), where I felt weird, like she could have 'the thing' for this type of guy. Lets just say when he was in the focus of attention at this event, but on quite a distance, and when he spoke, I got impression she was nervous, like fixing her hair, crossing legs in another direction away from me, it was very, very subtle instinct, but I couldn't be sure.

He is btw completely unavailable as most of my friends at this point, I don't even have him on facebook, his profile is inactive, so why would she search on him more than once? If she wants to check on me through my friends on internet, she wouldn't choose specific one like this, with whom I'm not even connected over there. Too bad I didn't have time to explore everything because just today she deleted FB account and made a new one (it was planned before, but just now she did it :S ). As said, I don't care if she is suspicious about my "taking a look".

She has intense history of calling guys hot, expressing this for celebrities in front of me, and all her female friends were always like that, most of them very shady, growing up in times more liberal than ever, but thats another issue. Add single, so they would gladly want to distract my GF and assimilate her back, I'm sure. I've seen their attempts to always pull her into drinking, and single life-style. Typical women/girl bullshit behaviour. Now I found out she really doesn't have anything against playing along here and there, though not so much excessively anymore, but still... I know she drunk herself to blackout, with a GUY, remembering nothing, at early teen age. Even lost virginity when dead drunk. Even admitting to being horny and more open when drunk. She might know her boundaries now, and matures to an extent, but she was/is definitely attracted to 'bad behavour' beneath the facade and innocent impression.


I think here I prooved my theory: if she can't control her interest for other men, though celebrities, with her boyfriend, it means she isn't capable to quit checking other guys even in relationship. It seems like female version of obsession with other gender. If she won't cheat, it will still be plenty of looking/fantisizing around and getting wet, so technically only the rule of exclusivity could stop her to act on it.

3) She also remembered initials and checks my ex-gf.

4) In one convo with girl friend, when we were 3-4 months into RS, and she traveled for application exam to another city, she wrote in serious tone:
"I've left a guy" (btw this wasn't directed at me I'm sure lol)
Her friend joked unclearly or something, then she responded with "shut up". Nothing was too clear, but it seems like they were talking whether some guy was 'handsome', but she wasn't in a chance to "look more closely", like it was paying attention to someone in passage or bus, I don't know. Weird.

5) Convo where she practically begged her female friend to remove her from the tagged status, at the time when we had our very first dates, otherwise she thought I would block/delete her and 'run to the hills'. She talked about me as "shy and socially awkards just like herself", and obviously there was something I would dislike so much that she was afraid, if I saw it, I'd stop dating her. The fuck?

6) A bit off topic. Few days ago she had to meet 2 girls for coffee. By the time she got home as usual, she contacted me few times normally, and sent me a picture of someone's pet = in someones apartment. We don't report whereabouts like crazy, so I didn't care. Not until the next day when we spent time together, and I asked if she's in the drinking mood. Response was "not really", as usual, and she had one beer and glass of wine with them, supposedly her GF met the male friend, so they ended up in his apartment. Very awkwardly, I just randomly mentioned we should light up some weed, I don't even know why I did that. She then said she took two puffs with them. And I know, she wasn't even drunk, she acted normal on chat upon arrival. That is, I hope so. I'm certain she didn't do anything shady, she didn't even socialize much, while this other friend stayed longer probably, she was cool and on time. But the situation pieces me off. She thinks she can just go to someones apartment where alcohol and weed is around the table, not reporting transition from 'coffee shop' to something like this, and telling me later on like its the most normal thing in the world.

Now all I want to know, would you call me controlling and insecure, or her behaviour is still not good enough for dating at this age?

DUuude...

I saw neo or some guy posted GOLDEN words.

Stop focusing on the girl. FOCUS on yourself. Focus how the girl makes you feel. If you feel unhappy, next. Stop analyzing shit keep yourself busy otherwise you will become mental.

Nothing will last forever so live in a moment and enjoy it. Whatever happens happens FUCK IT ALL.

Agreeable. I like that way of thinking, but it's not about the girl, I become almost dedicatedly sociopathic at the idea that someone is pulling any crap behind my back. Short moment when not counting on getting caught and THEY WILL. Every single one, and it's a mistake to think you know them. I couldn't have played this creepy GAME better than I actually did, with this one chance at this point of life, with this particular girl, it wasn't possible to do better. And now I can live with the fact that she checks out on my friends when nobody is watching, let alone what wheels are turning in her head, while keeping me. They are worse than animals.

OK, shortly - is searching/checking out other guys in privacy on facebook(some more regularly, like my friend who she saw only twice) that aren't even on the list, a flag red as communist in anyones book?

I need opinion on this. If yes, I don't want to be called insecure, I don't want my GF to be interested in guys around the town.

I tried to make fun out of keeping ex whatevers(flings, crushes, not ex bf's) on horizon, she responded with weak denials and lousy body language. I joked about 'insignificant' attraction outside of relationships, she agreed with principle, but denied when I teased her personally, like "to whom would it be? my female friend?". And this is giant crap. She met my friends, two who she searched for, why avoiding them inside a 'joke'? Reduction to apsurd argument, sounds like bad sense for lying.

I'm making the topic reduced to this post, the first one was too long.

It's bad to say but love reading this stuff sometimes. It's like a soap opera. And if you ever need a topic of convo with a girl, just get their take on one of these situations.Shit is crazy, but damn interesting I'll give you that.

Yeah, it's a red flag in my opinion (not saying she is a cheater or something) and the who situation is so weird. I have no idea if she wants to message these guys, or just look at them. Either way...it's messed up. She's texting you from guys apt with weed and alcohol, she's checking out other guys, fb stalking your friends, having orgies in the past but not sexing you alot, didn't want to lose you when you were dating...Man...I love a good mystery/soap opera Stephen B and this shit is crazy. You're gonna ride this to the end no matter what and although I'm against that...I can't look away. I kinda half expect to read from you one day that this girl just disappeared out of the blue and then you find out she had been dead for 10 years

Oh, and forgot to mention, before Neo says I'm too hung up on this again, its all just a hard long screening process, and as far as the process goes, forum can learn from this in case of similar issues. + I like to write, fuck it. Why didn't I already dump her? Because I got very positive side from her, and of course there is no evidence hard enough that anything is really out of the the line, every single LTR woman I had before fucked up blatantly much earlier.

Its just these ocassional doubts I'm having but can't prove anything fully. Hell, I was even inside her privacy and found nothing bad in long convos, even the way she talked with closest friends was showing that she holds this relationship in high regard from very beginning. However, I didn't have enough time to read everything through, but I was so close, now I'm irritated because of this. I am able to reactivate that account but I would have to delete it again, which means she'll get notified by email.

What should I fucking say to her? I've been through her facebook searches? Confront her about one beer and two puffs of weed? Plain out tell her she's a liar?

What?

Yes, this stalking bothers me to the point that I feel this was worst from her. She was also looking at my ex gf at the same periods. It all goes very slow, I don't feel in position to point finger at what happens.

But your answer is alright because it addreses HER behaviour, not typical "well, you either accept this girl or dump her", and this is what I'm trying to figure out, catch her in real "crime".

Her behaviour really doesnt seem like that of a "relationship material" kind of girl... I think she is staying with you until something better comes her way. By the way Stephen, you might want to know that I broke up with my gf and started fresh on my own.

Here is what I have realized with girls and game and i think this will help.

1) You must actually be BETTER then every other guy out there. You must have a TON of value for her and more then any other dude in your surrounding area and your/her friends. If you dont have this she will start to look elsewhere because she knows her value (based on tons of guys hitting on her ect..)

2) this is where you need to work on yourself and develop this genuine value. What i have noticed is that I can DHV a lot (as a semi bluff) and build attraction and develop a relationship for a few months... but then once she finds out who I really am and what im really about she notices that I am awesome, but there may actually be better out there... (some rich millionaire ect..)

3) so always do your best to keep improving..or else she might stray. Can you blame her tho? If you could have a hotter piece would you take it??

How did it happen if you want to share?

She should decide that when choosing you. The game is, not that moment when its only formal and fresh, but when she starts telling/showing you serious shit, which makes you believe that she finally wants you above others. Otherwise no girl would be in LTR because "better" is everywhere
They're lower than wild animals if she can't realize that in beginning. There will always be 'better'. You can't dedicate life to act higher value 24/7. She should know your value by certain point.
Yes, I can. Besides, I have more value than her, and I don't plan to waste my time obsessing if someone will look hotter than me every 5 minutes. Btw, no she can't have the guy who she searched for. I'm sure 100%. She mentioned many times that another friend she searched for twice as I've seen, is repulsive to her. And btw when we met, she only looked at his page to find me and contact me. So techincally if she wanted she could started dating him, but came to me.

Also she checks females along. So I don't know what this is all about.

But I'm asking what would you do about it? At the moment I'm ignoring her, I'm pieced off at the possibility she really checks someone out like that. As she just brushed me off yesterday with the "whom" crap, and today she didn't even comment my last messages about it, just writting as usually, so I'm ignoring her. But this can't go for too long without answers.

Questions Stephen B, to get more background:

1. What are the good things about your relationship? What are some nice things she has done?

2. How do you 2 interact? Do you text, call everyday, go out. What do you do with each other? Whats a typical week like? How often will you contact or see each other and what do you do when you're apart?

3. What are you guys' social status? How do you have more value than her? Why cant she have the guy she searched for? What's the dynamics of who pays and have gifts been exchanged? Is she cute? Scale 1-10.

Also, why has she never had a bf?

Sounds as though you're expecting something bad to happen. Not a good way to be in a relationship. Your mind will find reasons.

Yes of course I can share. Well, last Thursday I tried to break up, but she asked and pleaded that I stay and give the relationship another chance... Then over the next few days I noticed she is becoming just a little bit cold and isolating herself a bit, while I was actually trying to do my best to make it work. I didnt like the situation, so I took her for a walk on Sunday, to see whats up with her, because our situation was supposed to be getting better, and not worse. Well, after talking with each other, it turns out she was getting ready for the next time I decide I want to break up (I have tried to break up like 10 times before, but she always asked me to stay and cried, and I couldnt hurt her), and we had a friendly conversation and decided together that we should end it. It was very hard the first couple of days, like extremely fucking hard, and I am not afraid to say I cried a few times. But now it feels great, I am moving out to another flat today, and my morale is really good, and by tomorrow, its a clean slate for me.

Best of luck DB

Thank you Neo, I really do feel great right now. Thanks for your advice in the previous post.