Hello Boys & Girls

Maybe you can help me here

I have been seening the same girl for a little over half a year.
I would like that girl to be my girlfriend, but I can not get her to "Comitte at 100%"

Just before we started dating, she'd been in an 8 year relationship. They have a common dog, which they now share etc.
More correctly, it would probably be to say that I stole her from her boyfriend..

It is as if she is afraid that her ex boyfriend finds out that she sees me. Maybe she is not confident enough yet to "burn the bridge" yet..
When we are together, it's like we're boy- & girlfriend. But publicly, I almost do not exist in her world.

How do I get her to "I'm her whole world and she does not give a fuck of what others think?"

Maybe it's my neutral game I need to work on?
Any ideas?

XXX Sky

It's not neutral game lol, it's natural.

I'd pretty much ignore all this shit and just continue seeing and fucking her, and meanwhile look for other opportunities.

I remember that with my second girlfriend, when I invited her over the first time, her ex called that evening, and she lied to him that she was at some house party. I didn't even mention it and was too busy with fucking her for a straight 4 hours session later to even care about that. That pretty much made her forget about that needy dumbass. Though, truth be told, they were not together for so long, so it might take some time in your case before that happens.

As a rule of thumb, the less you mention the ex, the less she will think about him, and the more time she spends with you and the more orgasms you give her, the more she will think about YOU instead.

That's just my 2 cents here. I think this is best policy in this case. Ignore ex, spend (sexy) time with girl, and whether it's worth it or not, only time will show that.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

To add to In$tinct's recommendations ... see other girls ... game other girls ... and let her feel the jealousy ... Once she starts to feel that you are giving her less attention ... will make her bring up the "let's be exclusive talk" ... of course you can then chose to be exclusive or continue with friends with benefits ....

Hey In$tinct & Donston

It's actually pretty much what I have been doing for the last six months, except that I a few times have pushed to make it officially, but must we just have nice time and sex together.

The last few months I've actually just been waiting for her to decide that we should be exclusive.

So yesterday, after I wrote the first post, I get a message that she wants to talk to me ..

She came by to stop it.

She comes by and says "I can not see that this becomes a reality," , "Doing nothing for me to feel special and you're pretty cold" and a whole lot more ..

I never opened myself to her..

It is true that I don't do very much .. But I think the it's hard when we have to keep our relationship a secret. She says "she wants to be sure before she starts a new relationship" me: "It is never possible to be sure, one must always take the chance" - but I can not convince her to do that ..

I said I was not intresseret in stopping now, but i would like to continue and then I would see if it was possible for me to open up a bit. - In the end she sleept over. So I've saved a small bit of time.

Fuck I'm so confused right now - Any ideas on what behavior I should put on for the day? so she feels more special and dare to take the chance?

XXX SKY

I think I'm starting to understand the problem.

You see this girl was in a really long term relationship and it's natural for her to want to feel special again.

I'd modify the strategy what I recommended a bit.

Start acting like you're together. Don't mention it, don't try to push this "official" thing on her, that just puts unnecessary pressure on her and will only get the reaction what you have gotten so far. Just go on dates, be a bit more romantic, invite her over more often, "accidentally" bump into your friends and introduce her to them. Make sure they know about it, so they won't ask inconvenient questions like "So... are you guys dating?" Because you can't really give a correct answer to that unless you're an expert in calibrating it to her current emotional state in a second... Which I guess you're not, otherwise you would handle this whole thing better.

If you're acting like she's your girlfriend she should feel special. If not, then you're doing something wrong. And by avoiding to state it, and not doing obviously stupid things(e.g. introducing her to your parents) it should minimalize resistance too.

Also, opening up a bit will definitely help. Attraction is one thing, but if you don't let her to really get to know you, there's never going to be a connection between you two.

Meanwhile you can game other girls until you really are official because there's always the chance that it will just not work out no matter what you do.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

This will help you ^_^ ...

Real Social Dynamics Julien -- How To Make Women Fall Psychotical in Love with you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFuMi36mg2k#t=512

Careful with this shit. That's some powerful manipulative stuff even from RSD it's surprisingly sneaky. I started to hate the dude after about 3 minutes or so. And eventhough what he says is legit, this is definitely not for LTRs. It's just about keeping as many women on the hook as you wish by lying to them 24/7.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Well sure it could be lying ... but I don't think the girls are that stupid to really believe that you are legit ... it's not the words you say but the emotions that they want.... they want that fantasy that no other guy can provide other than you ....


But, back to the topic at hand ... to tell you the truth ... the girl is basically telling you what you need to do to make this shit happen ... She said that you don't open up to her ... so why don't you open up to her then?

It's simple no? If you don't open up to her ... she won't date you ... if you open up to her ... she will date you. I pretty sure that's what she is saying ...

Hahaha I just realized the above right now ....

Pretty much my sentiments too, but I think if he opens up way too fast and way too much then the girl might consider this a needy reaction and may lose some attraction, that's why I suggested for him to continue, and improve on behaving like a man, and meanwhile open up a bit...

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Yes, I agree. Balance them both. This is basically the foundation of my style ... Be cocky, asshole, boss, dominant at first and then be romantic/open up after sex (if I want to date her). Then balance the two when we date. I throw in lots of drama and still see other girls to give her a wide range of emotions to ruin her for other guys (this is optional ... but, I recommend!).

Cheers and Good luck!

Thanks guys

I will try to open up to her, slowly in a natural way and be at bit more romantic see if that make her feel more "special"
However, I have always found it hard to open up - so I would have to work on that..
I have had many girls i my life, but almost no relationships, I'm usually best to "short term relationships"

Any ideas on what else you can do, to make her feel more special?
For example, I just bought a set of underwear that i know she has to be looking for, just think it's the wrong color.. But I find out soon enough ..
I never buy her gifts and such things, it might be good idea to start on that?


XXX Sky

I don't really think so, except for perhaps birthdays, I really don't recommend buying her gifts. Buying her a sexy lingerie to put on when you're together is another thing, and women love these kind of things. But Please don't confuse romantic with needy because romantic is good, and needy is obviously bad. It's not stupid gifts that will make her feel special, it's the emotions you evoke by your presence, words, and the things you do WITH her, not FOR her. Very important difference there...

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Yup don't be needy ^_^ ... but I'll help you by defining what being needy means in Pick Up terminology. Neediness is when you want something from someone, but you are scared that you won't get it. Like there is always an agenda behind your behaviour. Being needy is that you are only focus on yourself instead of the other person well being.

First example, when a noobie has approach anxiety ... that is because he wants something from the girl but he is too scared that he wont get it.
- Most guys buy gifts for girls in hoping investing and leading to sex ... but if you buy something for a girl because she said "I've always wanted this [whatever item] a few months ago" ... then that means you are being sincere. If you take your girl to a restaurant because she said a week ago ... "I've always wanted to eat at xyz restaurant ...."
*** Do not buy her a gift ... in hoping that she would date you [this is needy] ....

So what is the opposite of needy? The opposite is when you are being sincere. Sincerity in the pick up community definition is when you have total abundance. Let's say you have 10 girls waiting for you to fuck you ... when you interact with a girl you don't have an agenda behind any of your behaviour ... you don't care if you fuck her or not because you have 10 girls waiting for you and you are super confident in meeting other girls. Therefore, you stop thinking about your self of how to "invest in her to get a return from her" ... but instead you start thinking of her well being. So to break it down ... do shit for the sake of her well being (Say to yourself, "Oh this going to be so fun for her.") ... but don't ask for anything in return ... be willing to lose her ^_^ ... which ironically makes her more attractive to you because you are the first guy who is not asking for anything from her.

Second example, how can Julien from RSD (the video I posted above) be sincere to the girls he interacts with? It's because he knows that girls wants to experience a wide range of emotions so he gives them drama.

Third example, to help you on being sincere is done by helping your girl grow and develop in her radiance. This is done by praising or qualifying her. Praise is literal food for feminine qualities. If you want her to grow in her radiance, health, happiness, love, beauty, power, and depth praise these qualities. You have to learn to praise even the shit that is not praiseworthy in order to become so.
- For example, instead of saying "You look fat ... you should exercise more" ... instead say, "I love it when you sweat when you exercise." Or "I love the shape of your body.". By you praising will make her exercise more and lose weight. "I love how you work so hard at your job." "You are so caring ... I love it when a girl take cares of me."
- If your girl is terrible at giving blow jobs ... praise her on how turned on you are by her dick sucking abilities .... and watch her suck your dick like she needs your jizz to live.

* Praise motivates and helps girls grow! Try it out ... Praise specific things you love about your girl 5-10 times a day ... find out what happens.

Hahaha .... I didn't mean to write so much here ... it was more of a reminder really for my self ... good luck!

Donston

PS ... do this all and still stay dominant and still behave like the boss to give her a wide range of emotions!

Donston is right on spot there. He was also more specific than me. I think I only have one last thing to add here. Pretty abstract thing but very important. It took me several sleepless nights and much much headache to figure this out... It's, by my experience, the single most effective way to know whether you're doing the right, or the wrong things in complicated situations, like this one.

It is basically about the frame. Frame is not only important in a particular interaction, it is also an important question to ask :"What's the frame of this relationship?" I will share a little story here. Somewhat different, but a bit similar, and it's basically just here for understanding...
You see, my current girlfriend had been a friend of mine for almost 3 years before we got together. Due to several, right now irrelevant, circumstances this friendship thing started to get a bit over the top. I started to feel like she's getting attracted to me and this concerned me.

Basically, I'm usually against this "from friendship to love" thing. And it is because I don't like risking the loss of valuable friends. She was definitely one. Always listened to me, very intelligent and open-minded despite being a catholic, etc. etc.

So there was this pretty fucked up situation that I couldn't solve. It's pretty hard to explain but I'll try.

I noticed, that my behaviour towards her had changed. I was more sexual, and more intimate with her on different levels. We hadn't kissed or anything like that, it was just THERE.

And I was always hitting my head into the wall after we met... Telling myself:"You stupid fuck. You're gaming her even when you don't want to. Stop this shit, or you'll lose a friend"

Thing is I couldn't stop. Thing is it was getting more and more serious. Holding hands, sleeping(really just sleeping) together when drunk and back then I couldn't put the pieces together. I didn't even understand myself...

Now what really happened was, that my FRAME has shifted. When I started to realize that she was attracted to me I naturally, instinctively changed my attitude towards her at first without being aware, and then later without being able to controll it. I couldn't help it. With her I was always able to just be in the moment and I couldn't give a flying fuck... Only after did I bash myself about it for being so stupid.

When natural gaming states that "The girl feels what you feel" ^This is what they really mean. That they buy into your frame.

Same things happen but reversed with newbies. They want the girl, but their frame is weak, so in the end the girl doesn't want to buy into this. With me, I didn't really know what I wanted, deep inside I most probably wanted this relationship, but conciously I didn't. My subconcious however, being a good guy, helped me create a strong frame that she's attracted to me, and that we hit it off well, and in the end she bought into it, and we got together(living happily almost for a year now btw...)

So ask yourself the question :"What is the frame of your relationship and can you shift it?" Is it really something that you feel that's making you think you should take this one to the next level? Because if there is, then the girl should be feeling it too. And it may provoke her to be closer or closer to you, or it might just scare her away. It depends on how strong your frame is, and here's the KEY point of my post, because the strength of your frame is MEASURABLE. Well not like weight or height, but the difference between the real vibe of your interactions and your desired vibe of your interactions defines the strength of your frame. If there's a big difference, then you may want to work on this... If there's not, then you're more possibly than not on the good track.

In the end similar feelings always find each other. And if you know where you're standing you're one step closer to bringing the two of you together.

Peace

In$tinct

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Hey busy, thanks It is something I can use

I try not to be needy and i don't think that I'm needy. But the reminder of what it is to be needy, think its very good I got it - My way not to be needy at is often not caring which making me forget/reject to listening to her ..

The move whit praising more, is a really good idea, I give compliments when I think she has something nice clothes on etc. but I almost never praise her - I'm going to now

The one which how strong "frame" i have, I have to chew a bit on that one - try pt. to define the frame I currently have. It is not that easy, but can see the idea and think it will help me a lot if I figure it out properly

I did like the movie. Wild enough that it can be done that way - but think that drama between me and her, is not what we need right now - but if it is: what would be a good case scenario?

But there are still two things that I can't find out:

1. As mentioned, I'll have to open me up a bit - but what does it mean? Is it things like telling her when I "miss her" talk about my/her problems? express I can tell her everything? or something else?

2. After the last serious conversation I had with her, I have had this thought in the back of my head: "If this stops, I know that she is afraid I will turn my back on her a 100% - and she has "lie" a lot to keep the secret from our mutual friends "
It is not a feeling I like to use, but how can it be turned for the better?

Sorry for the spelling. Being from Scandinavia and all

XXX SKY