I'm not entirely sure if this is the right section of the board to put this in. I already have one thread running here (Title: "gf maybe cheated") which give's more details if someone is interested.

To make it short: She wanted a break, I told her I don't want a break and broke up with her completely. 10 Minute conversation and she was gone. It's been 3 days now (In my mind I was going through hell but I stuck to NC and forced myself to go out. Last night I went to an afterwork party and had an amazing time meeting girls and also getting some good feedback - so obviously, today I do feel a lot better.

Last night though, she sent me an email, while I was out. I read it on my iphone. About an hour later she send me a text message asking me if I received her email. I replied about 15 minutes later that I got her email but I'm out with friends and I would reply to her the next day. Now I need to figure out what exactly I need to put into that email:

Her email (shortend and translated into english):

Hey, sorry I dont talk to you in person but I would burst into tears. I wouldnt be able to talk. Im misserable and having the worst time of my life at the moment. I hate that I cant be with you right now.

In the last few weeks I've started thinking about what we have in common but cant think of anything. We couldnt find anything in the last 3 years. In the last couple of days people tended to ask why we are together - again I couldnt think of anything. I would appreciate it if you gave me a couple more days. I feel like I need this break right now and think about whether I can live with that or not.

Good night honey,

---------

I dont want to discuss if the relationship is worth fighting for ... improve myself, meet new girls that might be a better fit. Im actually doing that right now and Im not as devastaded anymore. But I'd like to keep the option open and be the one who decides whether the relationship continues or not. So any good hints what I should write? Should I use some NLP? It can't be obvious of course. Should I be rejective? Cool? Indifferent? Caring? Telling her I started thinking myself and like we are on a break right now?

This is interesting: She is talking about our "break" as in we were still together eventhough I told her Im breaking up with here - does that mean anything?

She just called me (the next day, early afternoon) crying and asking me why I hadn't replied to her email yet. She was feeling horrible is barely able to function. She asked how I was and i told her that I was okay. I said I actually realized it gives me some room to breath right now and she should also really think about what she wants. If we "ever" tried again it should be on healty terms. She was going to end the conversation then but I asked her a quick question about something (unimportant) so I could end the conversation afterwards.

Did I do the right thing? I do want to get back together with her...

Just called again, about 30 minutes after her first call. I think she's is having a melt down. I told her in our phone conversation prior I would answer her email tonight. She couldn't wait apperantly. We talked a little bit and she asked me if I would take her back if she decided the relationship was worth it. I didn't give her a direct answer an kept giving her an "I'm also thinking about it - and so should you" - She also asked if I met another girl because I told her Im moving on and meeting new people.

In the end I told her I won't send her an email tonight anymore as we already talked about everyhing and we can maybe talk again in a few days...

It sounds like she made a play for another guy which didn't work out. Ha. Or maybe she's worried that you'll move on before she does (which would harm her on an emotional level). Either way, she kind of fucked up and now she wants a do-over.

Well, what do you want? You now have all the power in the situation. If you want the relationship back, then she's offering it on a plate. If you want her as a FWB, then it sounds like you could easily make that happen. If you wanted to keep her around as a friend, then you could probably do that as well. If you don't want either of those options, then stop answering her texts and calls. It's up to you to decide.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Well, I do want the relationship - at least that what I think I want. I've been going through hell when she said she wanted a break. I didnt show her that but I really did. We talked marriage and kids... and I dont want to throw away 3.5 years.

In the last couple of days I started socializing again - but I also realizied that I didn't need to go out all the time and meet new girls - I genuinely want a relationship, a house, picked fences, kids and a dog lol

Just because power is shifting over to my court I still have to make sure I don't mess up. She still says she needs a couple of days to think about us. So I'm not too sure about the relationship being served on a plate right now. I'll stay NC, calm and work on myself and only respond if she calls or sends a text with a question. Though so far it's been working great for me - she's even said she was shocked I wasn't hurting as much as she is right now.

If/When she asks for another chance/meet up/whatever - should I give in immediately or tell her I need time to think about it?

My advice is to see her again, but make her work for monogamy. She wont value it if she doesn't work for it. In the meantime, keep improving yourself. Go do fun things with your new-found freedom. Meet people, get in shape, work on hobbies, etc.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I'm not with Wolf on this one.

She wanted a break. You don't have a lot in common. You both are just longing for a relationship because it is a void, and you miss it. My advise is to tell her that you don't want to get back together just because you both are lonely and that you want to make sure that if you do, it's for the right reasons. With the emotions right now, you can't do that.

Trust me, I went through a divorce, all breakups come with that period where you second guess yourself. Just remember that a breakup doesn't have to last forever. You can always get back together. Don't do it just because you're grieving the loss of the relationship. Let that pass and then really evaluate how much you miss HER, as opposed to not just missing having SOMEONE.