Okay, so we have been together for almost 2 years now and coming up on one year living together. Things are good some days and bad others. I wouldnt say we have a bad relationship (although sometimes she might). I think she is still living the tv/movie fairytale dream most women subscribe to and if things arent perfect they are often considered by women to be shit!

Anyways, I keep having these thoughts about cheating. I guess being in my late 30s it is normal to not feel like being tied down. I do love the girl but I hate being told what I can and cannot do. I have rebellious feelings of wanting to do whatever I want. I know lots of you will say life is short and I should do what I want and blah blah. But really the truth is that if you do want a relationship to work you DO have to compromise. What are your thoughts on this?

I recently went out with a lot of married guys for a party weekend and several of them hooked up with other girls, strippers, and prostitutes

Is the relationship sexually fulfilling? Or has the relationship settled down into a very normal predictable routine, and your board? Attraction on both ends waning? At this point, the SHIT TESTS begin again, and you feel emasculated each time you give in (comprise).

You say this is what you want; Yet this is what you do; Before you go out and cheat, see if your balls are in her purse.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Interesting observation. The shit tests have definitely been going on more lately than before. I guess I forgot how to deal with them for a while. I do agree that you have to stand your ground at times but dont you also agree that you have to compromise to make things work?

Compromise; an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
"an ability to listen to two sides in a dispute, and devise a compromise acceptable to both"

Sounds like you are the one compromising. Stand up and tell her flat NO, at least 50% more. Not everything is compromised.

Is she; putting off sex? Gaining weight? Spending more? Drinking/working more?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Maybe I need a refresher on how to deal with shit tests. I am good at dealing with them when I dont give a shit about the girl and am just starting to date her; plus I usually have lots of irons in the fire at all times when single so it is a lot easier to just blow them off. However, in a relationship you are a good bit more invested, especially when you are living together. Any advice on how to field shit tests in a relationship? Now that I think about it, most revolve around who is in control of the situation. How can I handle these shit tests and maintain control?

Dude, never be the one to compromise more, always be the one to care less. Thats what I do in my relationship, and I am definitely the one in power. I read the following under one of the other guy's nickname, cant remember him, but the motto was: "The most powerful thing you can say to a woman is no"!. And remember the golden rule which you are failing to apply: "You have to be willing to risk loosing her if you want to keep her." Let her be the one who is afraid of the dispute and things not working out, not you. Take command of this relationship, because it looks to me like you are not being a leader, you are not being strong or dominant enough.

And one more thing, the other guy has asked you 3 times now and you still havent answered, How is your sex life?

IT'S GOOD to get shit tested. If she ISN'T then it's because she's lost that interest in you, and she's put you in the harmless zone,and can walk all over you.

Ignoring shit tests is not bad. It sounds like some of the times you have ignored them, that's the default basic route that a lot of real men take. And it works well.

I'm one who likes to accept shit tests, and play the awkward card for laughs. An example, "I could really use some help with the laundry, you never help with it!" to which I cockily responded, "Fuck yes! You can finish rotating the tires on that fancy ass suv, I'll start the laundry, hope you like gray underwear!" With a big grin, That resulted in a laugh. And a "Please don't touch the laundry!"

Another common relationship 'shit test starter'. Unable to take command.

Milk-toast mode

Her: Let's go out.

You (guts clenching): Where do you want to go?

Her: Somewhere nice, you pick.

You: You never like what I pick, where should we go?

Her (tone change): You never take me anywhere nice!

You (whiny/angry): I said I'd take you, what the HELL do you want?!

Her: Wants to say; A Man-says; I don't even want to go now!

She storms off to the kitchen, eats a tub of Haggen Dazs, and cry's while she gains six pounds.

You wait til she is gone to bed..alone, to use her vibrator while dreaming of the UPS guy. Eat a TV dinner, sneak your laptop into the bathroom, and jack it to some little people porn.


You being a MAN

Her: Let's go out.

You: Okay, we are going to _______ wear your little black dress! Or; NO We are staying in! I'll grill up some steaks!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Honestly the sex life is good. She wants it all the time. The only complaint I would have is that I sometimes miss the variety of single life but that is all part of the gig.

As far as being in control, I tell her no constantly. She is just used to being the boss in her relationships and so am I. I am not one to supplicate; I guess that is why this is so hard because we are both relentless when it comes down to who decides what.

I really like this! Any other good examples are appreciated!

You are not. You care more than her.

Don’t be Too Caring

Generally at starting of the love and sexual relationships both men and women don’t care much of each other. But as soon as they come more closer men tends to become more caring and loving , that’s where men make the mistake… They usually take more care of them and bind them in what they like and what they don’t like.This doesn't end the love , but usually make you less attractive in front of your girlfriend.

You say your not supplicating, then you must be avoiding.

Try Not to Fulfill her Each Demand to avoid a confrontation, rather dismiss her rantings as childish, do this WITHOUT getting angry.

When you fulfill her all the demands , she feels nice at first …. but when the scales tip, women takes it as an advantage over you.This is where she will control your thoughts and life… Try to somewhat avoid her needs , and she will care for you…

Give her a Feel that She is not the Only Girl/option in Your Life

Men usually let their women know all of their feeling towards them, all cards on the table, that she is the only one whom he loves…No mystery. She thinks she likes it but she feels secure about you …. This security makes you less attractive in too her. Always tend to make her feel that their is/could be someone other than her in your life. This will make her insecure and will be more caring for you .Thus she will be in your control ….

What are your honest goals in the relationship?

Either way you need to pump and dump. Or you need to regain control. Cheating would just be like putting a band-aid on a broken arm.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I appreciate your feedback. You are correct that cheating would not be the answer. I love her and dont want to end the relationship as long as I can get things back under control. Most of our arguments are over who makes what plans and who does what. I am okay with her getting mad as it happens pretty often. I think the biggest thing I need to work on is not having a reaction to her tantrums and not getting upset.

I have a couple questions, and rebuttals to those saying don't care as much as her.

Relationships are not game. At least in my view, they shouldn't be. I never go out of my way just to make sure "they care" more than I do. In my view, that's not conducive to a fulfilling relationship with a PARTNER. Instead, it's more like playing cat and mouse not with someone I love and respect as a partner, but as a fuckbuddy or someone I use for what I want and nothing more. That said, to each their own. To date, I've never been dumped in my life, so what I do works for me.

With regards to the OP, the things that perked my ears up are her getting mad/pissed. If she loses control, then I would suggest talking to her about the problem. There is no hope for improvement if she isn't aware of the issue.

If sex isn't an issue, then your problem or desire can only mean 2 things: Either you are not fully satisfied with the relationship emotionally, or you are not satisfied with the relationship sexually.

In the former, you might just be toying with the idea of cheating because sex is something you engage in with people you have a preference for. I.E. you don't fuck people you don't like, or aren't attracted to. If the latter, you might be toying with the idea because despite being good in some sense, your sex life is boring to you.

I suggest talking to her about it and not playing games or treating this like actual game. Bring it up in a real, mature fashion and try to work through it with her. Let her know the idea crosses your mind. Either the situation will get resolved and you'll be fucking other women in threesomes or swinging parties, your relationship will open up, or whatever the issue is will get solved and you won't give a fuck about anyone else. And if nothing like that happens, the relationship will be over, and you can feel good about why it ended and look forward to a new one that doesn't have the issues or problems this one does.

One other thing you can do, is just be who you want to be. Focus on that, don't worry about anything else. If you don't want to react shitty when she throws a shit fit, focus on not doing that. Find a way to not get dragged into it. You might be surprised how she reacts to your new mode of operation. I can almost guarantee if you are successful, eventually she will ask you why you changed, how, etc. And I can almost guarantee she will be more attracted to or more invested in a guy she can't piss off. Getting pissed at her or getting drug into the fight is like completely giving her your power, she has control over you and can put you in that state whenever she wants you in that state. If she cannot do that, it will blow her mind and make you more or less irresistable. I think this is because you're so high value that you are at different levels of value when she is having a shit fit. Since she can't drag you down and take away some of your value, she is forced to demonstrate higher value and come up to your level, and the triggers in them the sense that you are GOOD for them. As such, they never want to let that go and will go to great lengths to keep it.

I appreciate your response. This really hit home with me. Being who you want to be and really focusing on maintaining that person is one of the toughest things to do; especially when you begin to merge your life with someone else's. I find a lot of couples end up being codependent. On the flip side of that a lot of people here say that in a relationship you need to be independent and play the game over who has control and not to give in etc. When in reality if you are going to be in a successful relationship you need to be interdependent.

Anyways, thanks to all for all the advice. As hard as some guys here find it to approach, chat them up, hook up, make them want you, etc; it is nothing like having a good healthy relationship. It is easy when you are on your own but when there is someone else involved that you truly do love and care about it gets a lot more sticky. So all I got to say to that is when you are asking how to make this girl your girlfriend, just be careful what you ask for!

I agree with you on this. It's like you have to find the balance between caring about your partner and being independent. You can't give up yourself, but you can't play the dating game any more. In my relationship I don't want to be the one that holds the power because I respect my partner as a human being. I also don't want her to have the power. It's teamwork.
Unfortunately a lot of guys here that give advice didn't have a healthy relationship yet so they can't relate, but they can copy+paste advice given by dating coaches, who again don't really have good relationship with women themselves. I don't want to generalize but from what I see here I think it's the majority.

Much of my advise on topics like this are from my own experience, and what DIDN'T work for me in past relationships. I acted like many on here say to act, hid feelings, soft next, act like I don't care. None of it helped me have a truly fulfilling and happy relationship, and after careful reflection, I'm of the opinion that playing game while in a committed relationship more or less kept it from being what it could have otherwise been.

Game can get you the girl you want. But once you've got her, the game is over, and relationship starts. Your observations about codepedency are astute. It is not easy to have a relationship that is as fulfilling as it could be, but when you do, it's well worth the effort. Like the old saying goes, nothing worth having comes easy.