You seem to be a bit selective about responding to the things you feel you have an answer for. How about this?
I think human motivation is perhaps more complex than you give it credit for. Yeah, I've got the hots for her, and yes I wish that my sporadic efforts over the last THREE years or so had resulted in her riding my dick instead of her boyfriend's. No shit.

At the same time, being told that she apparently had no interest was liberating as it helped me to face the truth and stop wasting my time. Noone in this thread suggested that this message would get me the girl. It's been described as perhaps one last hope, but probably not. I'm fine with that. I'm also confused as on the one hand you're telling me I need to learn to deal with rejection honestly, and at the same time that this wasn't necessarily a rejection and I should have kept the lines of communication open.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

First of all, welcome to the MPUAForum. I'm sincerely glad that a licensed relationship therapist and/or counselor has joined this forum and is contributing to the discussion. This gives a better depth of understanding to situations like these which we all hope to understand fully well by sharing ideas based on our own experiences and field observations.

Many years back, I've only read about these relationship experts with PhDs from women's magazines and paperbacks to help me understand women. They gave advises that they've learned in school for many years.

Those advises though didn't work out too well for me. Maybe it's because I'm a womanizer. On the other hand, the advices I've got from other womanizers worked; most of the time anyway.
Based on my understanding, the OP has been given advice to move on and forget this girl who is not interested in him. The OP though wanted alternatives.

Heywood gave a forward looking alternative and you also gave another forward looking alternative. We really don't know how these advices will work out on the long term. Moreover, the OP knows that whichever alternative he chooses, he will be blocked. The available information points to this eventuality.
Yes. I think you're spot on with this observation. However, the OP might want (unconsciously) to move on but he wants to give his best shot at this so he'll have proper closure and hopefully, his chances for getting this girl in the future will improve.

Please consider that this is a support forum as well. Unlike women who readily get moral support for relationship or love issues, men have no one to turn to when they have a relationship problem offline. Several studies show that men who attempt to commit suicide usually end up dying unlike women.

Most of the regulars around here understand this; hence, we are very supportive of other men who feel down and hopeless. We don't just give out advices based on our experiences as womanizers, we give out encouragement and moral support too.
Rejection in courtship or love among men is no different from the grieving process in death. The OP took action so he can now move on with his life with the hope that sometime in the future, his odds for winning this woman will be a lot better.

Did we cushion the blow or did we make it worse by rubbing salt to his emotional wounds?

The OP simply weighed the pros and cons with the advices that he got in his thread. Most of us here have given advices too with other guys who didn't take our advices well and followed others' advices. Those of us who gave advises that were not taken into consideration simply moved on and were most thankful that somehow, we were part of the team that helped a brother in need.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Actually i should have stayed with my original suggestion... Which was not answer at all. But is not big deal, she was not interested and that is the bottom line. Live and learned, i am really no big on girl with boyfriends, married that is different story. Always listen to advise, but ultimately go with your GUT feeling.

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Tbh I don't think it matters either. When you've gone past a certain length of time thinking about a girl and how you'd like to be with her and nothing has happened it just becomes kind of pathetic and is best cut off by any means necessary.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

wow well done hahahaha

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PUAHandbook
PUAHandbook - Field Reports

She's using BF as an excuse and really is telling you straight that there is nothing between you and that you are friends and that is all there is to it "He cant see people are just friends and that is all there is to it".
Sorry, but you lost this one. Besides you're generally in shakey territory as soon as BF is mentioned. If she 'really' wanted to cheat on him she wouldn't tell you about him and many girls take it offensively (probably correctly) if you hit on them knowing that they have nominated someone else as their chosen partner.

"Please don't reply to this or mention this msg" makes it more plain

You lost this one, let it go. Sometimes you just got to deal with it. Unless there's something you're seriously not telling here and she demonstrates some attraction to you then all indications are that this is a 'nice' way of telling you to leave her alone and there is nothing between you

Also, messages not hiding what you feel for a girl are NOT attractive (unless you are seriously confident, hot and popular, which seeing as you're trying to chat her up over facebook using 'Candy Crush' as your prop I'm guessing you aren't)

You should pitch things at just the right level that she is not sure if you like her or not. If you're being obvious you're not being attractive.

You're right. I was being selective about what I responded to because I didn't want to go overboard being too harsh.

I've already tried to genuinely help you by...

a) explaining why I think your approach failed
b) suggest a potential alternative to use in the future
c) explained the psychology behind my suggestion so that you will know if it is the right approach for a given situation

It's understandable that you want to advocate the advice that you chose.

However, you couldn't have received a worse possible result, so I would ask you to think about WHY you are being so nitpicky on alternatives and yet super defensive of a failed tactic.

Don't worry though. I don't take it personally and won't block or ignore you like that girl. I deal with many clients who are initially defiant, resistant, and protective of their egos.

Since you asked, I'll try to help explain things further about being "respectful":

Expressing your interest in a women with a boyfriend is NOT disrespectful as long as you're not insulting her, her boyfriend, or being pushy. They weren't married or even engaged, so think really hard about what I suggested. Are you now able to see the difference???

If not, read it again and see that I specifically RESPECTED her relationship and wishes at the VERY START by saying "That's cool." (i.e. "I understand")

Frankly, not even the posters who advocated the failed approach thought that my suggestion is disrespectful. In fact, they thought it was TOO nice and passive.

If you still don't get it, I'll have my colleague who is a hot girl and occasional poster on this site check out this thread. Maybe she can help you better with follow-up questions and how your chances for success could have been improved.

Thanks for the welcome.

I totally get what you are saying about women's magazine articles and such, but I wouldn't make any conclusions one way or another based on those things.

Magazine articles are typically just sensationalized 500 word marketing gimmicks designed to get you to buy the magazine and make you THINK you are learning something valuable.

It would be like watching only 1 quarter of an Alabama football game and concluding they suck because they didn't score.

Personally, it doesn't matter what someone's educational background is as long as they outline the rationale for their suggestions in a logical manner. I will do my best to explain the rationale for any advice I give, so that a reader can use their own judgment.

I've already seen some disagreement with my suggestions in this thread, but I don't think it is due to any differences in education.

I think a lot of it has to do with differences in age/experience.

Being a "womanizer" is perfectly fine and quite easy to accomplish with primitive tactics when you are young . It's fairly easy to manipulate and use girls who are young, in school, or in their early twenties.

Many of these girls are thirsty for any type of validation in the competitive dating world and there are plenty with low self-esteem. (In fact, the two easiest hookups I've had this year were girls < 25.)

Thus, I totally see where some of the PUAs on this forum think their way is the only way and works most of the time.

However, it's a little different when you mature and start trying to pickup higher quality women that may be doctors, lawyers, CPAs, business owners.

Some have kids too and so their priorities aren't all about just getting a date, how hot you look, or what kind of game you can spit at them. They have careers and other responsibilities to occupy them, plus they have seen all the primitive pickup tactics before (some may have already been divorced) and are less likely to fall for them again.

In this respect, I may be helpful to many on the forum in sharing some of my sophisticated tactics for dealing with these type women.

lol cheers
It's comments like that which make it hard for me to take you seriously, Optimacy. You're far too self-aggrandising and condescending to have anyone's best interests at heart but your own. You also seem to be pretty deluded in the fact that I have repeatedly taken negative feedback on board in this thread, and yet you seem convinced that I am only disregarding your advice because I somehow can't handle the truth.

I am not trying to argue that I have handled anything right with this girl. I may not have, including the last comment Heywood suggested I send. However, the last comment was at least rated by several members of the forum, unlike anything you've had to say so far. It may or may not have any positive results in the long run, but at least I went out on a limb and did something that didn't seem comfortable to me on the basis of OTHER PEOPLE'S ADVICE. Strange that you seem to have me down as this stubborn guy who won't listen, when the truth is I just won't listen to you because no one else around here seems to find you credible.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

So I'm back on Facebook and having rejoined I'm not blocked by this girl anymore. I was thinking of sending her:

"I thought now I'm back on here I should pre-emptively block you in case you try to hit on me again, seriously that made me really uncomfortable, please don't do it again"

Then blocking her

Now this is funny to me, but then my ideas always are. I just like the idea of fucking with her and her not being able to respond. OTOH it could seem creepy that I'm still thinking about such a thing years later. So I don't know. I'm guessing you guys will probably say don't do it, but it still tickled me.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Another possible idea:

Hi [her name]

Look I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about before. It was immature behaviour and not worthy of a friend and I can understand you reacting the way you did. I promise nothing like it will ever happen again. Hope you can forgive me.

[my name]

PS Can I smash your back doors in

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

GFTOW

(Stands for Go Fuck Ten Other Women)

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These hos ain't loyal

Fair

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing