Hey guys

I have somewhat a not so alarming issue/situation here, but I cant make any sense out of it. Im in my third year of my so called "transformation", and I just realized that my inner game is in harmony, almost perfect. I feel more confident in things i do in life. Enough about that, lets go on to the situation.

This weekend i was able to meet a girl that i had hit off with previously, verbally that is. At that time she had a boyfriend, so that was a big NO for me. Recently, I found out they had broken up and I really saw my chance. I took the chance and we made out the whole night, like at least for 3 hours, in public that is. We went back to my place and i managed to even finger her. We didnt move on to sex as i realized that i was not in the right condition and she didnt want to. She even, during the night, told me that she wanted me and that i should come back next day so we could continue. I even managed to finger her outside in public, without any resistance from her.

The whole time we fooled around (both public and at my place) i felt very little resistance from her side. The only thing that she was worried about was the sex, which was no problem for me. I followed her home and we managed to make out some more. So i told her that i would call her tomorrow and make plans, and she was totaly fine with it.

The next day i was to hung over too make a move, realizing that i would make misstakes in my texting. So I waited until the next day, today. I sent her a text telling her that i was a horrible texter and that we should continue where we stopped.

The texting goes like this:
Her: I do not regret what happened this weekend, but I dont feel ready for anything.
(At this point i just felt that I wanted to know why.)
Me: What does that imply?
Her: It implies that im not ready for any kind of relationship.
Me: A boy-girlfriend relationship or nothing at all? (I was not looking for a boy-girlfriend relationship)
Her: I dont want a boy-girlfriend or any other kind of realtionship either. I'm not trying to come out as rude, but its just how i feel at the moment.
Me: Thats perfectly fine by me, as long as ur honest. I just want to understand why.( At this point i wanted the true reason, because i really want to know so i could make sense of it all.)
Her Okay, im being honest. Have a good night.

I dont believe in the shady way of telling that "im not ready", since there has to be a reason behind it. The only thing i wanted to know from her was the reason behind this sudden change of mind. We were both drunk that night, but it felt like we hit of really good, both socialy and sexualy. It felt very confusing that she had changed her mind like that by explaining that she was not ready for anything. I wanted more, i wanted the true reason, so I could move on in the best way possible. Dont get me wrong, im already moving on as we speak, but I would like to know the reason, so I dont make the same misstake again. I want to learn from it (if it was me, that is). Because it feels like i did something wrong, and that she could go out the next weekend and pick up a new guy and do the same shit.

I know she had recently come out of an relationship and that alcohol was a part of our situation, but that does not cancle the fact that you can still be honest the next day or two. I didnt feel like it was a good way of her explaining it like that, I have no problems that she rejected me. It could have been the way i escalated so agressivly, but she showed very little resistance and she had no problem me fingering her in public.

In the end of the day, life goes on and shes not the only girl in the world. But i would like to make sense out of the situation, what the fuck went wrong?

I think a lot of it stemmed from you not texting her the next day.

If she WAS considering a relationship, then it ended as soon as you didn't follow up with her the next day. She was withholding sex for a reason, maybe it was to test what kind of guy you are? You didn't force yourself upon her, but you weren't exactly good-guy Sleegee and called her the next day either. Either way, she was feeling taken advantage of/used.

That's my best guess from the information you provided.

Sometimes, you just wont get an honest opinion. I understand your need to know but you have to learn to throw away your pride and let it go. Sometimes us guys will wake up in the morning and think, "I am not feeling this girl...time to break up," regardless of reason...and we sure as hell aren't going to say, "You're not into licking balls...so." You might NOT want to know!

This happened to me ...

- The girl feels like a slut for taking things to fast ... even though this is not true or you don't think that way of her ... blah blah blah blah ... To avoid this is you must literally show the girl that you don't judge girls and will not kiss and tell. Like you have to say it, "I don't kiss and tell and I don't judge people" ... also be more discrete and private when fingering or doing anything sexual .... This happened to me before ... I hardcore made out with this girl in front of her friends n' public .... sexual shit in public ... make girl feel slutty and regretful ...

- To counter this is that you have to tell the girl that it is not all her fault ... that it was totally neutral ...
- You must sympathizes with the girl ... meaning agree with her "feelings" before she can listen to any of your logical requests and questioning .... literally say ... "I understand that we went to fast. The booze probably had an affect on us. I understand you just broke up with your BF ... blah blah ..."
- Next address how cool she of defending her self like that or took the initiative to slow things down, but, first be willing to let it go, make it not a big deal (you finding out the real reason is making it a big deal O_O!)... and then qualify her on something you like about her more than sex .... something like, "If I cross any lines of yours ... I am sorry I didn't mean to cross them. I understand and respect if you don't want to see me anymore ... But, the fact that you took the initiative to slow things down is pretty cool. I am even more curious about you now! But, again it's cool if you don't want to hang out ... I will hold no grudge!"

.... She will probably say how cool you are for being so understanding ... blah blah blah ... then make a joke like ... "So to make things clear ... no more fooling around right?? ... "

.... She may not reply to you in like 2 days ... but she will reply because you showed sympathy (agree with her feelings) ... qualified her (told her why you like her more than sex) ... and you are willing to move on (abundance mentality) .... make her feel less slutty ....

I've tried this 3 to 4 times when I fucked up or over calibrated with a girl ... and they seem to forgive and ask for seconds ... muahahhaa ...

Summary:
- The reason why the girl acted the way she did is because she didn't want to feel slutty and be judged ... To counter this is just say sometime in your interaction ... "I don't kiss and tell" and "I don't judge people" ... and also to qualify the girl for reason why you like her more than for her body ...

Hope that helped!

Donston

alcohol probably played a bigger factor in it than you imagine. A lot of girls will do a lot more when drunk. The next day they are thinking, wtf did I do. Generally, they won't give you a reason why they don't want to talk anymore. It's probably b/c she doesn't like you as much as you thought. If that's the case, she's not going to say it b/c she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So stop asking that of girls. It's kind of taboo like, "how many guys have you fucked?".

If it's not meant to be then move on or text her once or twice per week and ask how her day went.

I have had this happen to me. And this is what I have learned. I think the moment you realized that you were not going to have sex with her that night you should of stopped the sexual advances, fingering and touching. I believe that was your first mistake. By avoiding this you might have been able to avoid the "slutty" feeling she felt the next day. Seems that you know this girl and a second date would of been possible.
As we all know woman do things based on what their feelings are telling them. So knowing this, that night obviously she was feeling like this was the right thing to do. It felt right, and it felt good. Fast forward to the next day and boom she is not in the same state of mind, she remembers but the way she is feeling at that moment does not match her memories. So in her head she is trying to rationalize why she did it, and because she probably does not like the way she is feeling "slutty" she thinks "I am not going to do this again, I am not ready for a relationship". And boom goes the dynamite she lets you know she cannot do this again.
By asking her "why" she decided to make these decisions you are just making it worse, every time you ask her you are in a way reminding her and maybe even making her feel "slutty" again as she searches in her head for that answer, a answer she doesn't have because the answer is "it felt like the right thing to do". I believe that was your second mistake, is asking her why. I think your best bet was to agree with her and say you are glad your just friends.
By avoiding next day regret you would have had a second chance at "making it feel like its the right thing to do" on the second date. Just because she does not feel the same way she felt that night does not mean she wont ever feel that way again. Lets say that you nicknamed her "tweedl dum" (however its spelled) and that's what you called her, its your and her thing only, and through out the night you refereed to her in this playful manner, maybe by referring to her in the same way next time you talk to her would of taken her back to the way she was feeling, get her back in that frame of mind she was in that night. I have actually done this before.
Just my two cents take non, some or all of what I said to heart. But use only what you think will work for you.
Tlove

Yeah, it's gotta be the not-texting-the-next-day thing. She realized what happened that night during the day that i didnt text her. She must of thought "Why isn't he texting me? He told me he would.". I simply gave her too much time to rationalize about the situation and she probably felt like a slut.

Secondly, i must have been too agressive with the fingering thing. Probably being the reason behind her tought-process.

Thank you guys for setting my mind in the correct direction, but how do i go about now? Should I wait for the next time i meet her or should i text her again? Or have I simply fucked it up too much?

Be in super passive mode.

She made the decision, and you need to respect it. The more you pursue following this, the creepier you can look and you may not salvage anything, much less some attraction.

So I would just be really respectful, and move on with your life. IF, and big IF, she decides to reconsider, it will come from her. In which case, you can start thinking about how to fix what happened.

Lay back and look at other opportunities.

Good luck man!

Yeah, exactly what i thought. Time for some Day Game!

Don't ask her why, that just makes a girl defensive. Always say "I understand, but this is different. We can keep this fun. If you meet other guys, fine, but you are finally out of a relationship and this is the time to sow your oats. Experiment. I'm discreet. I'm clean."

But you should have called the next day. Make her seem like she's different to you too... like there's a special chemistry. Tell her you don't call girls, but for her you made an exception. Too late for that now for you though.

she doesnt want commitment dude what is there to not understand?

_________________



"You are only as good as you try to be"


-Sexual Sorcerer
Relationship Specialist
www.truelifedevelopment.com/true-life-relationships/

She was drunk and probably felt she let you do too much to her anyway once she sobered up. It's as simple as that. Get over it. She doesn't want a boyfriend right now and she doesn't want you. Why can't you just accept that or can't your big ego deal with her answer? Get over yourself dude.