Hi guys,
Ive been reading this forum for a while now but have never posted so I feel like I should introduce myself and my circumstances first... sorry about the long post!
My social circle has been non-existent since i left high school(even there I never really made friends, I'd just made do with folk I'd hung out with since middle school). When I left high school I never saw any of them again. I sort of stole some of my eldest brothers friends from high school and i still saw them for a few years after I left. This evolved into a slightly larger circle but i always felt like i was just there through my brother and i dont think he appreciated that. Through that circle I was "set-up" with this girl and at the time it seemed like the only shot id ever get with one, so I clung to it, for 4 years. I destroyed my already dwindling social circle during this time. I ended up miserable and when she left me (for about the tenth time) I was happy to end it as I felt like it was now or never. I'd known since I met her; she wasn't my type, nothing in common and she wasn't hot - I didn't want to spend my life with her.
So I'm out, I'm 25, no friends, no gf wtf do I do now?
I decided I HAVE to change. I do NOT want to go through the rest of my life like this. I'm missing everything! Ive already missed the best part of of life by doing this through school, college and university and it CANNOT continue.
With no idea where to start and a really poor frame from this break-up I started checking out some PUA things(forums, websites, videos). I quickly realised that I'm missing a crucial precursor - basic fuckin' social skills! And before that I needed confidence and a positive frame. I started reading some books and listened to a few tapes from paul mckenna. These have really helped and Ive started doing some crazy shit i'd have never done before! For me this was just talking to people in my everyday life e.g. cashiers, folk in a lift etc. I also went out to a club on my own (just once though and probably not again).
Its been 5 months and I feel like im past that. I can do it no problem and this was recently illustrated to me so clearly. Before all this started, while I was still in my relationship, I was looking for a job. I had zero confidence. I meticulously prepared for each and every interview and checked for advice on how to perform well at them...I did shit (i was basically told "you have no soft skills"), I got lucky and was offered a job, which turned out to be shit! I suffered it for about a year. My recent self-confidence boost was just what I needed to get me out of there and gave me the motivation to apply for some other jobs. I did amazing at every interview with zero preparations! I was stunned! I felt incredible! And I know I can do this now.
So now im trying to get into daygame but I'm already struggling. I cannot approach and its killing me! I know this sounds arrogant but I know im a good looking guy. I see loads of HB10 check me out all the time. They always smile at me before I even look at them and i still cant do it.
Its been 5 months. Ive been reading about daygame and watching videos for a fair part of it and I've spoke to a total of 2 women (where ive had no real reason to talk to them):
1. At a swimming pool while swimming lengths - I made some comment to this HB8, then said something stupid, felt AA and swam like fuck the rest of the time I was there - 3 months ago.
2. While on a high from my interview experience above - I opened a fat chick who was sheltering from the rain next to me, not hot at all, and spoke for about 10 minutes - I felt awesome afterwards even though I'd paced about nervously, had plenty of awkward silences and spoke way too much about my life - 1 month ago.
Ive spoke to plenty of HB10 that have served me in shops and It always goes really well. They're always super friendly(i think because they're being paid to be) but i never talk for more than like 2 minutes or about anything other than whatever I open with. Ive been doing this for a while now and its damn expensive way of practising.
I recently got ahold of the daygame blueprint dvd set and have watched the first part ( the part about opening - I know there's no point in watching any more yet). I made a pact to myself that I was just going to face my fears and do this. I went to the city today to try to game on the street. Ive tried this a number of times now (maybe a dozen or more). I end up just walking about and not approaching and usually end up going and buying some shit i don't need. Ive noticed that as soon as I miss one set, that's me fucked, my frame takes a total nosedive. If im doing my usual "shopping spree game" its much easier to get into frame since im almost forced into talking to them. But I spent all my money doing that and now its not really an option.
I tried everything I could think of today to get me into the best possible mindset for this. I woke up and exercised hard. I performed some confidence exercises from paul mckenna - these usually work and i usually feel really good afterwards. I listened to some 80's music(who doesnt feel great after that), and I watched kid presidents pep talk (which i like and works for me). I literally went out feeling awesome and invincible but it didn't last long. My plan was to open the first one i see. I walked right past her; my excuse being that she wasnt moving and i wanted to practise stopping a moving set. Just as i looked away from her this blonde HB9 right in front of me was checking me out, walking the other way, which really was a perfect opportunity to turn round and stop her. But i didnt. I walked off to get a train to the city and could already feel my frame dropping.
When I got to the the city I walked about for about an hour and a half. Didnt open anyone. I decided to try checking out the department store and not buy anything. As I walked in a HB9 gave me a perfume sample and i say "thanks" and walk right past. I check out some shirts, clock a brunette staff member checking me out then i bail. Back onto the streets I walk about sit about on some benches for another 2 hours until it starts to rain. Then use that as an excuse to weasel out. I'd told myself im not leaving until I do this - but it felt pointless.
There was some local event which was gathering quite a crowd of ladies it seemed, they were packed onto the train i was taking home(and they were all drunk). Some girl in a crowd actually opened me and I responded to her but felt uncomfortable continuing it around all her friends, my frame was destroyed by this point.
When i got home i hit my head against the wall and decided to write this post.
Did anyone else start with this level of AA? Obviously I really want to do this but as soon as im there it just doesn't happen. How the hell do you guys deal with this? Do i just need to grow a pair of balls? I ain't jacked off in about a week; i should be flying in there yet i manage to decide every time "no..I'll just walk away". Every piece of logic in my mind tells me that there is nothing to be gained by walking away and nothing to be lost by trying and still....
Ive taken some time out of work to conquer this. It looks grim so far but i will continue to try. ANY advice, opinions or comments are welcomed and I will be very grateful, i need all the help i can get.
I know I'm a weirdo so don't feel the need to comment on that - keep it constructive
CHAT