Me: Can I ask you a question?
HB: Yes
Me: If you saw someone stealing in here would you turn them in.
HB: Oh I don't care.
Me: (with excitement) Cause I just saw this guy over there stealing stuff!
HB: (smiles with excitement) Where?
Me: Right back there. (point)
It's simple and works really well. I even though after wards that I should have added a little something like... "I think he had some kind of fake prosthetic belly or something cause he just kept stuffing things up there and nothing was falling out." I even thought I could have asked her to go on a little adventure with me to see if we could find him. Of course we never would, but it would by time to DHV, build rapport and have a shared experience.

Just make sure she's not an off-duty employee or cop.

that is kind of catchy and something I never thought of. The only draw back is, would she think you are the thief or you are with the thief? You can't assume most are going to respond the same way as your post

The opening line is great but unless you are a criminal or real experienced it's going to get you in over your head

I think it would work best as long as your demeanor conveys that you think it's funny and don't really care. If you act concerned or nervous then it will just wig her out. But if you are kind of laughing or joking about it then she'll likely just think it's funny you caught someone stealing.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Good god, retarded doesn't even go deep enough to describe this.