Without a doubt I think the most important thing in pick up is the inner game.
With that in mind who, from experience, knows the best method to use for good self esteem and confidence.
I've been reading so much varying stuff that it has left me confused.
The two methods I have seen the most are eckhart tolle's type method where you don't pretend to be something else, but instead are the observer of your emotions and negative thoughts. Is that really enough to become confident? Apparently they are starting to do that with psychotherapy.
The second is that sort of nlp type method. When you feel a negative emotion, recognise it and change it. Do stuff like rehearse and affirm to yourself that your confident. Change the inner voice from an anxious one to a strong confident voice telling you you are great. Will this not build your ego so much that when you get rejected you become distraught?
I'd greatly appreciate people's thoughts on this to help my dilemma. Who has a proven good strategy?
Thanks

SCREAM

And Scream LOUD

see, all this talking, and analyzing and thinking is just ADDING to the problem

those thought's don't represent your inner most feelings

there ARE NO words for that

No book, no therapy, no mentor is going to help you with that because they don't know you..

you don't know you.. you can't even describe half the shit that goes on in your head accurately

so just SCREAM

because the reason your going through this is because your holding on to a ton of tension & stress which needs to be released... you've been conditioned to repress it & stifle yourself your whole life so the only way it can be released is through this crazy neurotic self talk.. just SCREAM.. screaming is the most honest way to express how you really feel...

what I do is get in my car where nobody can here me... drive & SCREAM... AHHHHHHHHHH and at first its angry screams but once all the tension is gone, I can't be angry, I can't be negative.. its all out of my system and I'm ready to go..

Stop thinking and just let it out all at once... & just do it every once and a while to keep yourself from letting it build.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk3u7PuYOS0 <<-- the theme... scream song

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Haha I do like that answer. But I need to do more than just let anger build up and then release it with a scream. I don't think my situation would improve that much. I completely agree with you that my thinking about this is causing more anxiety. However I really want to just find a great solid way of thinking, and adapt that style for those who get to the top. I'd rather worry a bit, then find a great solid inner game and just apply that to my life.

I'm thinking of using an approach where I combine the two, observe all the negative thoughts and then counter act it with a positive strong inner voice. The only thing that is annoying me is some psychology article saying sometimes people who use affirmations that they are confident, when really they have low self esteem, can end up damaging their esteem and sub conscious more as they are saying stuff to themselves that isn't true. Not sure if that is true or not.

Well it's a really complicated issue

what you really have is neuro-muscular tension from repressed anxieties & weird anchor's to certain stimulus that makes you neurotic and go in your head.

you probably also experience a fog when your in an environment that overwhelms you, well thats your nervous system freaking the fuck out and tensing your whole body up including your brain because you have negative associations with permission and expressing yourself and acceptance..

its just a weird crazy situation, I know my own personal self talk diminishes greatly when I go out alot and talk to alot of girls... I kinda just forget its there.

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I say the best way, I found, to boost your inner game can be done by creating a positive ecosystem for your life.

That positive ecosystem should be various activities that get your more in the present. Activities where you don't think about your worries and insecurities, but only thinking about doing that activity for the sake of doing that activity. The main ones I found are:
1) Meditation is super helpful for clearing your mind and focusing on whatever you set your mind to.
- I basically meditate about nothing for 20 minutes.
- The benefits of meditation is that it gets you super focus on the task at hand.
- When you start to self talk negative things like rationalizing why not to approach a girl (aka focusing on the pass or future that can be over exaggerate by the mind)... meditation can help you get back to the present and do the right thing to do. It's cool shit!
- I think that Erker Toll stuff advocates living in the present moment ... this will definitely help you live in the present.
2) Exercise
- Burn off cortisol which is the cause of stress.
- Adds vitality to your life and interactions.
- Helps you be more optimistic.
- Optimize your thinking process.
3) Do shit you are passion about.
- Do things that will help you be more in the present and not focus on your worries.
- This could be reading books, your favourite sports, painting, playing an instrument ...
- Anything that will help you overcome your human boundaries and be able to see feedback on you improving!
4) Get experience. Your brain wants proofs not promises.
- Basically, putting your self on your edge like approaching 7 days a week and getting as much experience with girls/your career/ your passion will build up your confidence and will power!
- Practice, practice, practice whatever skill you are cultivating.
- How do you slow down a Lebron James, a Wayne Gretzky, Mike Phelp, and a Usain Bolt from being great? Don't let them practice on their sport.
- Experience will help get the experience of failures ... the more you fail and calibrate to fix it ... the more confident you will be the next time.
- Experience will help you immerse in your anxiety and fear and eventually you will realize that you are over exaggerating most fears you have. For example, if you are scared to approach hot girls ... if you approach 100 hot girls ... and realize nothing bad happened to you ... I'm pretty sure your confidence will boost tremendously .
5) Eat healthy! Eat stuff that will boost your four main neurotransmitters (aka: Gaba, choline, dopamine, seratonine ) ... How can you feel happy when you are lacking in the nutrients that makes happiness?

All the shit I recommended above is training your mind to stay present. All the shit I listed above is getting your life handled. When you are present and have your life handled you will always feel awesome ^_^ ... Your soul will smile!

That's my goals in life ... Hope it helped ... ask me any questions if you have any ^_^

Cheers,

Donston

Thanks both of you. Donstan that reply is epic, something I really needed.
I only have two questions. When you say nothing bad will happen on the hundred approaches, what if it does?
I've had some really successful interactions but some terrible ones, like one time some guy punched me for speaking to his gf. If they go bad I assume just carry on?
Secondly when doing all that stuff in the present, do you think that is enough to get unstoppable confidence? Do I need to do any nlp stuff like changing that inner voice to tell me that girls are easy to approach on top of the presence? Or is presence enough?
Thanks greatly for that post

^This

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"Bros before hoes"

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Good question ... I guess, when you speak of your inner voice ... it's what you focus your awareness on. You want to cultivate a mind set where all interactions are successful ... even though to others it may seem like a failure.

In the case where you got punched ... you want to focus your awareness that you have the BALLS to do that! Not a lot of dudes can do what you just did. Next find something funny out of the interaction. Lastly, ask the question what can I learn from this?

So first develop "concrete goals" that you want out of life ... then filter your actions through those goals. Check out my article on this topic ... I promise it will help you!

Newbie Mindset: Extreme Self Love. How to be happy in life.
newbie-mindset-extreme-self-love-how-to ... 56449.html

Second, you want to learn from this interaction. How can you prevent yourself from getting punched next time?
- Either you check out the articles on this site referring how to counter interactions with the girl having a boy friend near by.
- Go learn from dudes who has countered this interaction before and copy it. I learned this technique from Real Social Dynamics off the instructors Tyler Durden and Julien.
1) When you approach the girl ... do the Hand of God: The hand of god is like you extending your hand to the girl like you are offering a hand shake (You must fully believe that she will grab it ... use your inner game and experience to cultivate this belief). ... Make sure you have strong unwavering laser EYE CONTACT O_O!
2) When she grabs your hand ... pull her in. By standers will think that she knows you because she complied by grabbing your hand.
3) Quickly ask her "who are you? And who are you here with and how do you know them?" ... if she points to the boy friend ... quickly say, "Tell him I'm your gay friend, JOHN ..." Then introduce your self to the bf ... then FTC by saying "two seconds ... two seconds ... I just want to get to know [insert girl's name]" to the BF .... then isolate her ... then reply to the girl "I'm such an asshole for stealing you from your friends" (this is important to say because it will rationalize for the girl when she thinks, "does this guy know what he is doing?")... then continue gaming her ....
- This all happens within 1 minute ^_^!
- I even evolved this technique ... by asking the girl, "which one of your friends are single" ... if she has female friends to ... then ask her, "Introduce them to me .... my name is John" ...
*** Remember if she already grabbed your hand during the "Hand of God" ... she will be willing to comply to your requests!

Third, to make all your interaction successful (even though to others it would be considered as a failure) ... "Find something funny out of all your interactions" ....
- For example ... if you get rejected by a girl ... instead of taking it personal ... take it further .... when she rejects you ... yell out ... "Call me" to the girl ... or "Forever Lonely!" ....
- The point is that if you find something funny out of all your interactions. The result is a positive upward spiral of good emotions to carry on to your next interactions!
- You want to get to the point of when your wing ask you, "How did it go?" ... you will want to say, "Oh, dude I said this ... and did this ..." (upward spiral of positive emotions) instead of replying with, "Oh I got rejected ... she didn't like me ... it was awkward ..." (downward spiral of negative emotion)

lol ... I'm super passionate about inner game and read tons of books on these ... plus field tested this shit ... fun stuff!

.... hope that help and wasn't to confusing ^_^! The advice I gave you will take a while to cultivate ... just take it step by step and eventually you will accomplish your goals!

CHeers!

Thanks, you've really answered a lot of my questions, I feel like this will help my game so much. I've got some books recently. Any advice the best ones to get would be great?
Very last question, in normal day to day stuff when I'm walking about, if I make the inner talk stuff like "umm every girl wants you here" in a confident inner voice, trying to make myself fully believe it when I do it, will that boost my confidence in the long run? Or boost my ego? Work positively or negatively on my subconscious? Does it matter how much I believe it, or does it work on the subconscious regardless?
Greatly appreciated man, thanks.

I'm glad you like my shit ... The books that are of heavy influence to my ideals are:
1) The way of the Superior man by David Deida (There is a free PDF version out there).
- This book is sooo good on how to handle girls and how to become a man of passion (aka: be on your path and shit and how that could help you with girls as well)
2) Tony Robins book ... he is the king of NLP!
- Unlimited Power is a good one!
3) The Talent Code:
- Tells you how to properly and efficiently cultivate skills and talent base on scientific research and facts!
4) FLOW: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (also a free PDF version out there)
- This shit is so good ... it tells you how to get in the present state for whatever you are doing and be happy ... whether if its Pick up, your work, or tedious work. This is also based on scientific research.

* All the books I recommend are not dry material ... you will enjoy reading them. You will especially enjoy them because you will find that you can use the knowledge they preach into your your life ... This what's makes it interesting ^_^. Read them in that order ... but, The Talent Code is my favourite!

Concerning your inner game thingy of ... "umm every girl wants you here" ... you should alter it to "All girls are nymphos and wants to fuck me" .... This is actually the advance mind set to cultivate ^_^! The idea here is that you assume and believe two things:
1) You assume that she is attracted to you.
2) You assume the pull.

So to properly cultivate this mind set is for you to find proofs (even though they could be wrong or not true) ...
For example:
- "That girl is showing cleavage ... she wants to fuck me." (in your head O_O) ....
- "She is wearing a flower on her head ... she is such a nympho ... she wants to fuck me."
- Also by doing this you will get horny ... by you being horny will make her feel horny by the law of state transfer (aka whatever you feel she will feel .... )
** It's ok to brain wash your self to believe this ... what you seek your brain will go find! Of course in a healthy matter ... you still have to run proper game :p. It is still up to the man to get the girl to trust you and willing to fuck you ^_^!
*** But, let your hornyness fuel the fire! This is important for us males! My gang call this mode "Sharks with boners" .... But, no raping please :p ... hahaha.

... haha a joke I run with my friends is what about my mom or grandma or little girls ... are the nymphos to? hahaha ya ... I should keep that to my self ...

But, the book I recommend "The way of the superior man" ... talks about this and the positive psychological effects female energy has on us males!

This will be kind of confusing O_O ....
The final thing about you saying that if that inner thought will make you egotistical ... the way to counter this and actually will prevent you from getting punch again by some girls Boy Friend that you hit on ... is to start to develop your sincerity skills. Sincerity is when you shift your awareness from your self to the person. When you truly care for the best interest for the girl (or group), while not asking for anything in return.
- Being sincere is the opposite of insecurity, having approach anxiety, having an ego because they all points their awareness to them selves.
- So what those being sincere means? It means that you have your shit handled, you have unlimited money, 10 girls waiting to fuck you, and you have all the good positive emotions you want (I'm over exaggerating here ^_^). But, when a guy has an "abundance of girls" ... the way he interacts with another girl is that he is just partying and hopes that the girl is having fun to, without asking for sex because he already has 10 girls waiting for him. Or you are the life of the party ... of course the girl can join if she wishes.
- Now if you are insecure ... you will try to do needy actions to invest on the girl and wait for a return. You will think that you are not worthy to get the girl and you will dance like a monkey to get her to like you.
- To test if you are being sincere:
1) If you have approach anxiety that means you are not being sincere. You have approach anxiety because you want something from the girl/group and you are afraid that you won't get it. Or you run out of things to say because you don't think what you have to say is impressive enough so you try to force something impressive to impress the girl.
2) If a girl's boy friend invites you to their group because you are fun and don't want anything in return.
3) If you can easily isolate the girl immediately after you approach. You are thinking ... come with me here it is way more fun than staying here.

It's cool shit! This is the frame of dudes who has an "abundance mentality". You don't have to have a harem of girls waiting to fuck you ... but you can have this mind set of "I'm going to make her have fun!"

whatup tyler!

_________________
wanna learn natural game?

im doing a post a day and explaining EVERYTHING at:

www.watchmeliveforever.com

RSD FOR LIFE!!!