Quote:
Hey Tripp
Is it ok to be a "nice guy" on a sarge? I try not to buy drinks, dont give them my coat when its cold (got blown out for this one) etc. If I show no signs of neediness and neg them while I give them my coat, will this keep me on the lover and not provider path?
Also, being a bit of a nice guy naturally I dont have it in me to be ignorant. How do I stop the obstacle coming on to me. I have had this happen a lot recently and the target often moves aside to allow the target to come on to me. In the most recent example I teased the target as I always do, but it turned into me and the obstacle double teaming her and the obstacle saw it as us in a team.
Cheers Tripp
On the coat issue. Something I did just this past weekend is this: I didn't take my coat off to give it to the girl, but she "wrapped herself" in it anyway. She stood in front of me, walked in front of me, her back to my chest, and pulled the front of my coat around her sides and held them there. She couldn't zip it up, because the coat isn't big enough to cover us both up, but she had my body heat and then coat wrapped most of the way around her. And, we walked like that. She was just fine with it. It gave us GREAT kino. Try that next time.
Ok, there is a difference between being an alpha and being ignorant. Ignorant equals asshole. I sincerely think you know that, too. So I won't dwell on that. You can't stop the obstacle from coming onto you. But, when you're gaming, if you're giving the obstacle more attention, negging the target slightly, and being more of a "nice guy" to the obstacle than you are the target, it should be building more attraction up in the target than what the obstacle is feeling. However, if the obstacle is still feeling a lot of attraction, then apparently you're flipping a lot of attraction switches automatically, which isn't a bad thing. Just pay attention to what switches you are actually flipping. Then, if you want to quit attracting the obstacles, stop flipping those switches.
What you may be doing is treating the obstacle like you should be treating the target, and treating the target too harshly. Or, it could be your body language toward the obstacle is flipping her switches, and your body language toward the target is shutting her down. Or, it could be that the target and obstacle are such good friends that the target knows the obstacle wants you and doesn't want to get in the way. Could be a lot of different things. But, what you have control over is your own body language and the switches that you are flipping. You have the choice of flipping the switches or not flipping the switches. Even if you may be doing it unconsciously. That just means paying closer attention to yourself.
For your most recent example, I wasn't there in that situation, but it sounds to me like you could have still turned that "double team" into more attraction in the target. By body language, by EC with the target, things like that. Who do you make more EC with? The target? Or the obstacle? At that point, in your example, it should be the target.