Hi, sorry for the long post.

Joined my new firm 3 months ago and during the first month hit it off at a office party with a chick 5 years older than me. We went clubbing in a group and she danced with me all night, hand holding and close dancing etc. We made half plans for going to a specific restaurant next week.

Next week, I tried to text game her and asked her out casually but she said she was busy. I moved on and forgot about her for a week.

One week later she messaged me asking for dieting tips (we had planned to go on a diet together) and we started talking again regularly (both of us would initiate). We went for coffee/breakfast together a few times (she initiated that and asked me).

We had a few late nights alone at work and she asked me to give her a massage once (which I obliged to). We also went out a couple of times to expensive bars ( I paid) and we held hands and I tried to game her by being cocky and funny. She said I was very sweet and that she wondered if I was like that with every girl.

Now 2 weeks ago the bad things started happening.

I finally told her I liked her and would like to know her better and asked her out on a proper date and she said okay, next week. But the next week she said she is fully booked all week. I was a bit irritated but moved on and simply asked her to schedule next week. At this point she said she doesn't like to plan things etc. and will see how.

But I was getting frustrated and tried to fix a date for next Monday (6 days away), at this she got pissed off and told me that I was being pushy and too fast. I didn't argue, just said didn't mean to and ended the conversation.

Next 3 days I was on leave and didn't message her, she messaged me asking me why was I not at work. I responded after a few hours casually and kept it simple. On the weekend while we were texting I told her that I didn't think I was being pushy and she usually makes plans so that's why I asked her on a specific date. She agreed with me and said lets go for spontaneous dinner next time we are free.

We didn't text each other for next 4 days. On Wednesday I messaged her and after some general chit chat asked her to catch up and she told me she is packed all week. Now I got a bit pissed off and told her off that she always has plans but when i ask her she says she doesn't like to plan. She made some lame excuses and blah blah.

So, I think the situation is beyond redemption now. Can the pro's tell me where did I go wrong and is there anyway to redeem this?

Well I'm no pro but I have some tips.

1st. She asked for a massage and y'all were alone.. Come on bro perfect time to escalate.
Not sure if you want to date or just smash but professing you like her is still kinda old school.
Don't tell her you like her no it puts her in a weird spot just be the man and show her take control of the situation. You had multiple opportunities to capitalize I feel. You seem to be soon good on the texting, I for one
Have joined the no testing movement. This is basically be text can kill you quicker than anything in my book.

2. Don't try to reason with her about being busy drop her. Once you no longer are avaible she will try to get you tell we your busy and you'll let her know when you can hang. You to availed girls don't like that.

And nothing is over I feel you should freeze her out for awhile and stay busy, like actually be busy go out with other girls, and let her know you have a date or whatever. If she knows other women are after you it will fuel her.

Hi, thanks for the feedback bro.

I agree Massage request was a massive IOI but I was just scared I guess and didn't escalate enough.

I tried the freeze out last week when I was out of office, she just asked what happened, I replied short and simple the next day, then ignored her for 4 days but she didn't text me herself.

When I returned to office, she is her same flakey self and talks about going out but always busy and if I try to book a date in advance for next week, she says she likes it spontaneous and doesn't like to plan. WTF.

Also, I told her last night that her behavior was a bit insulting. This morning we texted a little normally and she sent me some long ass story from work in a long message and I haven't replied since then. So yeah I am starting my freeze-out now, but I feel the situation is beyond redemption.

Instead of asking her out on dates give it a week and when you see her at work on a weekend of whatever, just tell her your going out with some friends to XYZ place and she can come if she wants. Then if she doesn't then fuck her move on, if you move onto to another girl esp one he knows she will fight for you. Ps don't ask girls on dates... Tell them your picking them up at so in so time.. Assuming you already know when she's free.

I've already f-closed this stripper and she still gives me the I don't make plans but I'm busy next week bs. It's hard to deal with sometimes, just gotta be dominant and persistent but not pushy.

I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure when you get upset at a girl for not wanting to hang out with you it makes you look needy. If I were you I would freeze out, go out with other girls, don't text her, be nice to her at work but flirt with other girls. Also, if you do hang out with this chick again you should make sure she knows your intentions by touching her a lot, isolating, and k-closing. You told this girl that you like her but you need to show her. Take control and be a man.

Omfg, where do I start with this one?

First night out, you dance together, grind up against each other and all that. Kiss her for fuck sake! At least go for it, girls will never think worse of you for trying to escalate (unless you persist after they make it clear they aren't interested), go for it mate! Kiss her on one cheek, kiss her on the other, then make out like no one else is there. Try f close after that.

That's mistake one.

Still, you keep her interest she's flirting with you, you are "working alone late" and she asks for a massage! Oh my, she asked you to touch her, while you guys are alone together, again just fucking go for it dude! Grab a seat behind her, rub her shoulders, kiss her neck from behind, do I need to fill in the rest?

Then, after all this, you get pissed when she doesn't want to hang with you?

You look like a pussy dude, hate to be the one to tell you this but you look like a weak kid. A man takes what he fucking wants! You could have closed the deal on day one you didn't. You could have had kinky office sex if you'd gone for it, you didn't. You missed two opportunities then got needy. Fail.

Take it as a lesson and go hook up with other girls, in front of this girl if you want another shot. Or not, who gives a shit. It's one girl, one girl doesn't matter.

Thanks guys for the feedback.

I agree that shouldn't have shown my anger/frustration but just couldn't control it as she kept saying 'let's go there sometime', let's do that sometime,

but every fuckign time I'll try to make plans she will be busy.

Latest is that we are just random chit chatting on whats-app, she has had a good week at work so she is generally in a good mood. I think I've been friend-zoned now.

Lesson learnt.

Just to give an update.

Thursday-Friday we just SPAM general chitchat and we didn't text at all this weekend. How long should I freeze her out? And should I wait for her to re initiate or re initiate myself now?

I agree with the above. You missed your chance. She's lost interest. You let this thing ride on for way too long.


A couple things you can do to revamp this though.

You need to get your mind off her and distance yourself from your feelings from her before you're able to effect anything resembling a comeback. That means thinking about other girls. Get out to bars and essentially forget about her.

DO NOT CHASE. Under any circumstances whatsoever. Let the pressure she was feeling from your chase ease away.

Ultimately, you need to get her out. If she decides on her own will to finally go out with you, you need to f-close. If she never goes out with you, consider it a loss and move on. Again, not chasing means not making plans. She needs to do it. And she will once she realizes what's going on.

Holy shit dude.

You're a semi-useful orbiter/provider to her.

You should have escalated that first night while you were dancing. When you didn't, she either thought you weren't interested or didn't have the balls to go for what you wanted. She suspected you might be a pussy.

Then you took her on dates and paid for her stuff. She suspected you might be a pussy.

Since she liked you a little despite her suspicions, she gave you a chance to hook up with her (the massage), probably. You'll never know if she would have stopped you and called you names, or willingly sucked your dick to gloriously happy endings. Because when you gave her a massage and didn't escalate....she confirmed that you're a pussy.

NEXT time:

1. Escalate when things are going well.

2. NEVER take girls on dates and buy shit for them unless you want to be her provider/boyfriend/husband/sugar daddy. Ever. Don't do it.

3. If she's alone with you and she wants you to touch her, for fuck's sake, there's hardly a better Green Light. Fuck the poor girl. She probably feels like you strung her along by showing interest and then rejecting her by not escalating.

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