I would like to know what is the best way to go along the following type of situations:

She does deserve her free time as she solved all the obligations succesfully until new academic year. So she gets invited by her friends to hang out often, of course. Its always her female social circle, and thats ok.

Recently when I joined them shortly, her girl friend suggested she has lots of alcohol and was asked to invite someone for tomorrow to drink(again some post-graduation chill outside). As I heard, those are the 2 or 3 guy friends. She chose to invite my gf, and she instantly agreed. Then that friend said to me "and you can go if you want". I get this strange feeling sometimes, that my gf won't formally ask me to join her events, while her friends do the work instead. They ask me. Like she doesn't yet understand that you have to gradually introduce bf/gf yourself, not when your own friends ask you.

So the situation is, I told to this friend that I'm gonna decide yet. But anyway, if these are guy friends around, and some alcohol in question, I reason that my gf should consider me automatically. Its not that I don't trust her, but she should learn that.
So what do you think, should I respond to her girl friend's formal invite and include myself, or just say nothing and wait if my GF will insist, or even not go at all not to come off as controlling?

Its summer and social events are heightened. I haven't seen her getting trashed badly, but she joins drinking situations as her friends are like that + shes invited. But it will be a third day already as she adjusts to such invites, though she recently told me she doesn't prefer drinking anymore. And if its for social formality, ok, but if she starts to make it too often, not being able to refuse sometimes to focus ONLY on me occasionally, then I wouldn't like it, its like red flag.

I mean, she gets hit on, and I'm fine with that, but should I make myself present in social situations as described, and risk to appear intrusive and controlling or just not go anywhere but to do my own things, if she doesn't insist herself, thus risk the tricky circumstances just because I was afraid to show myself as insecure? Or maybe to implement some kind of non-assertive communication about this? Because its not about trust, its that one must learn this certain type of considerate attitude about partner.

The question is similar to that if someone would let gf go out clubbing or parties without considering you, 'cause its friends stuff. And people seem to have different opinions.

I have read your other thread so I know your problem.

Which you wrote here is normal and should be expected from a girlfriend. My girlfriend invites me everywhere she goes and introduces me to all her friends immediately because I'm her boyfriend and this is how things are done properly in a relationship. I tell you so that you get some perspective.

You can voice your concern to her which is about the best thing you can do in this situation. Best of luck

She pissed me off now, as expected.

She hasn't asked me herself today. We contacted and thats it. Now I came home and wrote her that I'm free now from exams for following two months, and she only replied with "fuck yea: D". She sent from mobile phone FB, which means she's already out with them, and her girl friend included her in social circle where there will be guy friends for the first time that I know of.

And my own girlfriend says nothing.
fuck, this is rude.
I don't think freeze out will help at all. She won't be aware why I'm freezing her out, and she always texts first. She will just continue to behave that way. We have met yesterday, but todays event is something your GF should call you for, especially if her own friend suggested.

So I should really say something to her, even if she think its "normal", otherwise she'll keep being the same.

We met yesterday and it was alright, but at this moment I feel so pissed off its almost a deal-breaker.

I don't think I can keep going "silent mode" with this.

Hey Steph

You're going to have to trust your gut dude, a of college relationships go left for the very same reasons you stated above. The truth of the matter is, you can't possess a womans body. Although, if you are the dominate figure and leading your relationship your girlfriend wouldn't mind doing anything that is going to make you happy. Because, evidently,it is your happiness that will determine that outcome of this relationship.

Now; are you only tagging along to make sure she doesn't get to trashy and make out with some other guy? Thats what it sounds like and if you go with that intention she will begin to resent you. If you want to go because you genuinely just want to have a good time,then you can go and everything will be fine. But it doesn't sound like thats the reason and she will be able to sense your reasoning. Women are 10x more intuitive than men.

You have to know what your position is and have faith that she will not risk what a special thing she has for a little party and alcohol. And next time don't " Think about it", that makes it sound like you have ulterior motives( and you do). As a man, you have to know what you want in the moment. If you would of said " sure I'll go,it'll be fun. " everything would of been fine. But now that you have decided to" Think it over" you would be better off not going.


Trust her and if she fucks up, you'll know it and just move on. Stop trying to passive agressively prevent things

Joey

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Well, she sometimes doesn't act trustworthy, like with this type of situation. She didn't ask me out today as I've written. I want her to ask me, not her friend. But I've made a small mistake, yes. I shoud've said to her friend "yes, I'll come over, because I'm free then". However its cheesy that my own gf didn't invite me. Thats a mindfuck, even though we saw each other yesterday, this circumstance is different. So I'm not sure when I smother her and act needy, but she shouldn't limit me or exclude me like this just because we met day before. AND AT MY INITIATIVE, again.
Yeah, I don't like games at this point anymore. But this behaviour is rude. I couldn't control myself and wrote to her if she's out drinking, not directly, but I had to. Now she doesn't reply yet, and was on mobile, so she probably is with them. Very very tricky, this is an IGNORE thrown at me! I'm sick of not saying anything not to appear "needy".

I think you need to work out your own issues and build yourself up a bit more. I doubt she is doing these things to intentionally hurt you or be rude. She has her own life to live and won't always consider you before every decision she makes.

I'll be honest with you man.. If you continue to act like this, she WILL cheat on you. I can promise you that; take a chill pill, and build up your own social life a bit more so you aren't always thinking about her all the time. I said it before and I'll say it again " Anyone posting their relationship problems on some random forum for guys that could probably be in worse shape than them to help them out is doomed. "

Stop it dude, you got the girl and you can keep her but you must stop what you're doing.

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Yeah, but if I don't make interesting plans during week she'll go with her friends every day now, and will easily have her social life without me for three days if I don't initiate anything. I never acted controlling, but lately I'm not sure what is right thing to do. Its not that she doesn't have her space, you see. Maybe we over-text a bit, but she usually sends small talk.

This whole thing is weird, I'm not expecting her to report all the time (AND SHE DOESN'T), but if her friend asked me day before if I want to come over as well, and gf didn't even consider me obviously, she was just going herself without a word, then one can say I'm not acting too needy about this.

And what she now replied is happily "yes, a lots of wine " and commented my other line passively with ":D" also.
I told her ok and to enjoy herself.

I won't tolerate this.

You're making a lot of excuses.. "But this.." " But that.."


If you won't tolerate it then leave her and stop making internet post about it. If you keep up with this attitude your relationship will over in no time anyway.

So, don't tolerate it, just break up with her? Simple enough?

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So, you think her behaviour is OK, and I'm completely nuts?
I'm making excuses for her, I should stop that. She can't excuse herself.
You know its not simple enough, and is a reason for me being here.
However, OK. I'll give my best to break up and spare myself longer misery.

Its not often that we hang out with other people, and really I'm not being all-present, she has enough space and isn't responsible to give me wherabouts, what more does she want? But I did hope for invite today, especially because her friend mentioned + I'm free, and now I have to drink alone at home, because my supposed GF doesn't think about me. Then she can get used to it forever, fuck this "give space" bullshit. Some people were right, like Neo. She's just too incompetent for relationship.

i'll now give a thought about not reading her messages at all, and going "forever silent" as a technique. The thoughest one yes, but most Alpha. Her bipolar and unconsiderate behaviour can be left for someone else to judge.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: she'll pretend she doesn't understand my move and will be back when her head wears off from this sudden socializing and alcoholic escapades. Like with anything, her words are "leash" to keep me in background, but deeds are insufficient, poor, and there is no effort to gaint trust from me, its taken for granted - obviously. When ex girlfriends started to need me less and started going out drinking, filling my insecurities (like I have to be "though" 24/7 and eat their crap), everything begun to go south to hell.

I am probably not good enough for women to want longer quality realtionship with me, besides initial rush, so I give up this damn shit and women.

And finally, thank you PUA forum, can't say I didn't learn something useful. Au contraire, this psychology works within its limits. As for the rest, I can't get women based on pure attraction (ONS and such), but only as a "relationship" fool to keep them warm at winter when they're stuck in routine and loneliness.

I'll see if I can execute this harsh decision, but my thinking was correct I believe and I'm over&out.

Goodluck dude


And just to clarify something " ignoring " is neglecting.. and neglecting isn't Alpha. Proactiveness and attacking the situation with action is.

Peace & love

Joey

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I never thought girlfriend has to be Alpha. She is the one neglecting, not me. And when I try to make analysis and strategy to solve situation with action, as you say, then I'm accused of being 'needy' or having "wrong attitude" somehow.

Thank you.