I’ve been dating this girl for almost 4 months now. Just recently, she started acting cold and distant. I knew something was wrong. The other night, I asked her if anything was bothering her because she seemed off, and she said, “No, I’m fine.” But the weird behaviour continued, and then early next morning before I went to work, I dragged it out of her.

She said “Things feel different. Things have changed.” That’s all at first. I jumped in and said, “Well then maybe we should take a break.” She hesitantly agreed. I tried to talk to her more, but she wouldn’t say much. She said she has communication problems and doesn’t like confrontations, and eventually asked “Can we just talk about this another time when it’s not so early.”

She did end up saying she doesn’t know what was wrong, and hoped it would go away as quickly as it came. Clearly, her feelings changed pretty quickly. I said, “Have you been thinking about breaking it off?” She said yes, but again kind of hesitantly. I said, “I had been thinking the same thing a lot recently,” which was true. I can’t stop thinking about her though. It’s been 4 days.

Now I’m not sure if we’re taking a break or breaking up. What do you think? How long should I wait to contact her? I was thinking 10 days to 2 weeks if it’s a break, and possibly 3 to 4 weeks if it’s a breakup. Or should I just move on?

You handled things well. You can go ahead and contact her. Ask if she's ready to talk. If so, suggest you meet up to have an open discussion.

Are you sure I shouldn't go "No Contact" for a little while? Even like 10 days? Especially since I brought up taking a break. I thought it'd seem too desperate to reach out to her know, it's only been 4 days.

I also thought I'd contact her in a friendly, cheerful way. I don't want her to pressure her at all. I'd think it'd backfire.

You're the one who brought up taking a break, and you also admitted you've been thinking about breaking up... Which only means you're the one who should be making the advances. If you usually communicate everyday or every second day, then four days is a long enough break. If you can't stop thinking about her, who's to say she's not thinking about you?

Go no contact, do what is healthy for you, prepare yourself for the possibility of letting this one go. It sounds like she has been emotionally checking out of the relationship, that's what girls do before they want breaks or breakups, they are long gone emotionally. It's hard to spot when they do it because it's a personal thing they go through when they're with themselves and with their friends, even if they act normal around you.

Your best bet is to go completely no contact, give her all the time she needs, that is the only thing that's going to make it harder for her to leave you, absence makes the heart grow fonder, each day that goes by where she doesn't hear from you or know what you're up to, you will be on her mind.

But each time you text or make contact with her, it will make her decision to leave and move on THAT much more easy. Don't give her any power. Make her realize what she's missing by staying no contact, trust me, she will contact you if she wants to talk, and will resist really letting you know what is happening if you try to be the one to initiate it.

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Thanks, that's what I was thinking. Do you suggest an endless No Contact phase though? Or is there a point when you think I should contact her? Like maybe 4 weeks? I know the Ex2 System recommends that after a breakup. It just might drive me insane if I don't contact her. It already is. I may have to contact eventually. I was thinking in two weeks if this is a break.

I also thought about texting her guy roommate. He's a cool guy who I really doubt would say anything to her. I just want to know if he has heard her say that we "broke up" or are "taking a break." If she's told him we're taking a break or just hasn't said anything, I think my approach may be different.

She also still follows me on Twitter. I was thinking of tweeting something that would get her thinking. I've tweeted this joke before and it's got girls' attention: "You know how dogs mark their territory with piss? Girls do that with bobby pins." I know I'd be playing games tweeting that, but it'd make her think I've been seeing someone new. Kind of ridiculous, but let me know what you think.

But she's the one who's been acting so strange, which brough on the discussion of a break. I see you're point though. She's a quiet and shy girl. She may just never contact me unless I do.

We do usually contact every day or every other day. But at the very least, should I wait a week or so since we're technically taking a break?

I feel like I'd push her away if I contact her now.

Lets try to offer a mutual assistance here.

You did it quickly, you directed straight question and she sort of agreed. What I want to know is how did she act before you clearly opened the breakup cards with her? Do tell. What do you mean by cold and distant in a pattern of your relationship? Was it your gradual instinct or do you have blatant examples

Because after half a year of dating and relationship with my gf, I begin to notice the same thing.

My story:
This is 'cooling off' stage definitely, no mistake. She acts 'weird' in the glimpse of the moments, or just normal or much more comfortable, though there is still affection. She puts her girlfriends as a high priority suddenly, and really doesn't act with same enthusiasm anymore next to me. Even for a day, certain days in a week, you can't look and not notice these things. There is a sudden increase of affection still, she claims she wants to be with me, however we are going into distance RS after next 3 months. Probably it gets to her. Its just obviously different, lesser élan when meeting me or even rarely initiates by herself, few small strange events which I won't go into detail now.

Another thing, when we had sex today it was just pure fucking. I thought this is required once in a while, variety, but this is the first time she wasn't emotional as usual during sex, not even for a moment. Actually she was into it a lot at first, but it lasted very long(trying new positions and things), which caused me to delay my orgasm really long, and at that point she was just jerking me off(I actually had to tell her 'I'm not finnished yet'), not having too much blowjob from her as a finnish(she does have strong gag reflex), and after everything she was very tired when we watched TV show, but that also seemed cold, as she completely avoided cuddling after sex immediately. She doesn't talk about spending time tomorrow again even though she made no other plan, and lack of enthusiasm can be bothersome. This is also the first time I got very quick goodbye and kiss when walking her home. without her usually be the first to say she loves me after we spent night together and had sex. Tonight I had to say it first.

Then I noticed she left her FB page logged in behind her. I didn't want to search inside, and there is nothing really to look at, which she confirmed "there's nothing anyway ", as I wrote her it was open. I am a sceptical and paranoid person, but at this point I just don't think its cheating.

And like yours, my girlfriend has modus operandi of being quiet about problems, shy, not wanting anything that can lead to drama, and usually a cheerful person.

If you ask about any changes it could lead you to make problem out of it(after plenty of months person can have other personal worries besides relationship), or you can dig out real existing problems like OP did.

Now,
I thought this topic, instead of opening new ones for the same thing, could serve as a help to OP, and people with similar situations - about behaviour after a while in relationships, when you have no proof of anything, or can't be sure if theres anything deeper to it, but things just DO look different. Should you talk to them about it, and pull information out, as they obviously always say "all is fine, I'm fine, its nothing, blah blah".
What she answered when I asked her subtly just "whats up" over this: "its just because I'm acting normal at the moment, not being hyperactive with you?" or something along those lines. I said: "no, no, no, you just seem tired".

Someone should write about this, its a serious detail in context of dating and relationships, and it can't be sunflowers all the time, but I don't understand why people don't strengthen their bonds through inevitable change which is a fact in all aspects of life, they rather identify with problems and loose, resulting in present situation, which is: "we accepted that romantic bonds are nothing but momentary fun waste of time, nothing else, no need to work out like for any other life challenge". One has to THINK about this beforehand, and not take "I'm willing to get into serious relationship" as a joke. At that moment you don't think "lets just give it a try". Awareness that it will get nasty, it won't be easy all the time has to exist.

Of course you won't be able to ignore her or just let it go, its already sealed. But general mentality is just "dump" mentality. Something you WANT doesn't appear too easy, and "you should just drop it". If this was about other life decisions like career, no one would get anywhere with such way of thinking.

Thanks for reading my rambling and personal stuff, let's make something constructive out of this topic for everyone.

I'd say talk to her. In person. This should have happened before any conversation about a break or breaking up.
Be ready to lose her. That's a possibility. She probably has been out of it for a while.

Guide to LTRS:
1. Take your time, screen for the characteristics you want in a LTR. The worldwind romance is fun, but if you're thinking LTR give some time before making it official.
2. Be your best self. Have your life in order before making her your gf.
3. Be yourself and let the chips fall. A LTR is a mutual thing. If she loses interest in you, it's because you're not for her. Dont take it personally. She may want something that you're not and both of you deserve to be with someone who likes you for you.

She has communication issues clearly, so she wasn't even opening up that morning. When do you think I should be contacting her to try to set up a meet though? Do you recommend No Contact for a while like maybe 2 weeks, since it's possible she's thinking we're taking a break? Or just contact her and get it over with? And how do I approach her? I was going to take a friendly, cheery approach and get her to do something fun with me, rather than just saying "we need to talk." And what I keep remembering is her saying "she had been hoping the feeling would go away as quick as it came." It makes me feel like she's willing to work it out.

Another thing that I haven't mentioned is that I deal with depression and anxiety. It's gotten somehhat worse lately. She knows this and knows I've been working recently to find the right med. She said that wasn't the problem. Although luckily I've found the right med now, it's working and will be much more stable soon. Somehow, even though she didn't say it, I feel like my mental problems may have played a part in the relationship's downfall. Just some extra context.

What do you think that contacting her will accomplish? Because it will actually accomplish the oppisite. If you think contacting her will get her to think about you, or reconsider being with you, or want to reach out and talk with you, you are dead wrong. The only things that will get her mind to think those things, is if she doesn't hear anything from you, or know anything about you. That way instead of letting go of you and having her ego validated by you contacting her and making it easier for her to let go, she will rather be wondering, "why doesn't he care" "did he really love me" "did he find someone new" "home come he hasn't texted me" these thoughts over time will turn obsessive in her head because she will want to know. And that is how you win, the more you are on her mind, the higher the attraction will build.

Contacting her will instead make all those thoughts turn into thoughts about herself, and what she wants, instead of thoughts about you, because in her mind she will just see you as the same person she is trying to leave.

It might be a few weeks even before she contacts you, and if for some reason she doesn't, let it go, let her move on, it's obvious the issue was alot bigger than you thought, but you can't persuade anyone into being into a relationship with you, but you can take actions that set off attraction triggers in people. If you don't contact her, and focus all the energy you have in wanting to contact her on more productive things in your life, it will eventually get easier, and other women will notice your vigor and energy you are exerting in life, before you even expect it you will have a different and better woman on your mind.

If this one gets some sense in her and does want to work things out and contacts you, DON'T make it super easy for her to get ahold of you, DON'T respond right away, and DON'T be available right away. She is acting distant, so if she wants to work it out, she needs to take the steps and accommodate you, now don't make it extremely difficult or obvious that you're doing those things, but defiantly give her a bit of a challenge. Doing so will only help solidify her attraction for you, not doing it can work very counter towards your goal.

As far as her roommate thing, do not contact him either for information under any circumstance, if she finds out you did, it's a huge huge negative for you. Do not take that risk even if you think he's cool, it's not worth it. Getting her attention by doing things on social media that you normally were not doing is obvious and she will see right through it, but, on the other hand, if you're just being yourself and doing things that have absolutely nothing to do with her, then its fine. I've been in this type of situation with girls quite a few times. I've made all the mistakes and saw the horrible results, and I've also done the things i'm recommending you do, although they are hard at first, once you see the good results from them, you will think to yourself how could you have done anything but that.

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Any other advice from anyone? Thanks.

Judging from what you've been writing, you don't appear to be beta at all. I think you know what you're doing here for the most part, and you're in a better position than us to judge what's best for you. Regardless of what you do however, be prepared to lose her as neo87 said.

I recommended talking to her because if it were me, I wouldnt have started a "break" in such an ambigious way. From how you wrote it, it sounded casual and confusing. She's distant-->you ask questions-->she says one sentence-->you suggest a break-->she agrees. How long has she felt this way? What triggered it? Does she have feelings for ex or other guy? Is she stressed? Have you been needy and she feels smothered? What are the "rules" for the break (seeing other pple, not seeing other ppl). Everything just sounds so confusing.
But that's a personal thing. I prefer to communicate during trouble, not to necessarily fix things to keep her, but to know what's up. Your mental issues most likely have caused her to lose some feelings. If things have been sad lately, then a break will most likely lead to a break up to be honest. When she is away from you she will feel better because she doesn't have to worry about you. If she doesn't come back then fine, but next time, ensure that you're mentally ready to be with someone before getting into a RS/