Hi,

please allow me to introduce myself. I'm 27, male, new here but not a stranger to the pickup philosophy.

My question is regarding my potential LTR. I've been seeing her for about a month now and everything's been great. It's long distance though, since she lives in Australia, while I currently live in Europe. We're both professionals in the music industry and we travel a lot and have the chance to see each other about once a month for 1 week or more, so it's not that bad. I actually prefer it this way, since I can focus on my work better this way. I'm very busy and try to make the best of my time. She herself is quite a famous and known singer/songwriter touring all over the world for usually periods of 1-2 weeks, having a lot of time off inbetween.
As I mentioned, everything's been great, she respects me, no drama, very few shit tests, that I find easy to pass. She's also the stay at home kinda girl, doesn't party or drink much. I feel that she's in love with me, really wants a commited relationship and is already imagining our future together saying this is a very meaningful relationship to her. She's had 4-5 LTR before. Only one of them has been as serious and significant as she feels ours to be,

So far so good, there's only one thing that has been bugging me a lot. When she visited me the first time, she got in contact with one of her high school friends who she told me is an aspiring filmmaker. And she told me they decided to make a film based on one of her works, which has been one of her lifetime dreams. This dream has never been fulfilled because of budget issues etc. but she's hoping to realize this project with this person together.
Of course I was very happy for her until she told me that she used to date this guy in Highschool for a brief period of time. She told me she wanted to be open with me before entering a relationship with me and there not to be any things she might feel like I needed to know. She told me this while telling me other things about her interactions with other exes as well, who she has been in contact with, but which happened before I met her. She has cut off contact with those other exes since so I don't place any significance upon this.

She has cheated on one of her former boyfriends with an ex, which I knew before, so I wasn't too happy to hear this. When I made it clear that I principally didn't like the thought of her spending so much time with an ex (this was exactly, what lead to her cheating on her former boyfriend, talking to her ex when things weren't going so well), she told me that she understood but that this project has been one of her big dreams and that she won't stop it. I know that her artists career is everything to her and of course I don't want to stand in the way of her fulfilling this dream.
So I said I'd need to think about this, and we left it at that.

A couple days ago we had a little misunderstanding about something that we didn't solve right away, but left with a not so nice feeling until the next day.
She told me that she has been feeling insecure about her significance to me letting me know that she needs a confirmation of my commitment. So far we haven't been "official" since I still wanted to see how things go.
I assured her that I wasn't looking for anything or anyone else, and that I was very happy with her.
Then later, after a long talk, she tells me that she just had a long SPAM session (couple hours) with her friend about the film, though she didn't tell me what else they talked about.
It made me feel uneasy that this happened after our "fight", so much that I even showed my insecurity asking if she doesn't think that this is exactly the pattern that lead to her cheating on her former boyfriend.
She said it's not comparable, since we fight much less than she used to with her former boyfriend, but then later admitted that it did get her mind off our "issue" saying that it in fact is a little bit like what happened with her in the past.
Of course she claims that she would never cheat on me and I also know that she has good intentions, as I said, other than this, she has only been good to me.

So now my question: What do I do? Am I worrying too much? Should I trust her?

Sorry for the long text and thanks in advance!

The fact she has been very honest about the whole thing, is an indication of her being a good girl.
It sounds like you don't fully trust her, which is understandable. Some people would argue 'once a cheater always a cheater'.
She has no intensions of cheating, otherwise she wouldn't be that voluntarily honest about the past.

In the end it comes down to how much you are willing to trust her. How is she going to react to the seduction/temptation her ex might (or might not) try to apply.
It also comes down to how strong your inner game is. I think you can definitely improve on this aspect...

The opportunities for her to cheat on you will always be there, ex bf or not. She can be seduced at the set for her next music videos, backstage at some concerts etc.

In your case I would definitely sit her down for a proper talk and clearly state your boundaries. You have to do this now, because it's still early in the relationship. Tell her you are concerned about this project because of her past (she knows that already, you show her you are honest about it), but going to trust her with this film project guy. Tho you also expect her to be professional at any given time. Definitely let her know that if she cheats, that will be the end of your relationship. This has to be done very firm. This will make her less likely to cheat if she knows it's over. Say this only once but in the most convincing way you can. If you repeat this to her, even occationally, that would be a sign of insecurity.

You can never be sure about anything in life, but at least she'll know whats up and she'll hoppefully see you as a strong person who is willing to walk if lines are crossed.
Also get rid of any scenarios in your head about her cheating on you, this kills your inner game. And hang out with other girls, I mean in a non-sex way. Surrounding yoursel with women will help strenghten your inner game and show you it's not the end of the world IF things don't work out.

Do research about mindset, inner game and that. This is the core of pick up, success and most definitely happiness in general.
All the best man keep us posted (or pm me)

Read the post twice, first read figured in these situations it's better not to put thoughts of cheating into a guy's head. Second read this stood out:
I believe past is the past, but you should look at someone's past for reference on how they will act in the future. If they did wrong in the past, and have not shown change, then the past will repeat itself.

The above quote highlights a concern and red flag. When asked about whether she might cheat, she didn't say because she's changed and realized it was wrong to cheat, that she doesn't think about other guys, that she loves you, but that she may not because things aren't as bad as they were with her last bf. She's a cheater IMO. She has basically said that if things get to how they were in her last relationship, she would or could cheat. She is not the type to break up with you if things get bad, she has admitted to being able to go with her emotions when the fighting starts.

If she thinks like that after cheating it's a problem. She hasn't changed, the only difference is your fights are not to that level that she will cheat now. She told you :"Things are ok now so I'm faithful. But if things go bad, or kinda bad, I won't break up with you...I'll allow myself to cheat."

An example: If you ask your employee whether they would steal from the company and their response was "No, I'm paid well right now so I won't" what would you think of their character? It's them saying that when things are good, they're honest but when things get bad they could steal. You would want someone who has morals that would make theft not even a thought.

Just my $0.02

Why tell her you're very happy with her if you're not? Maybe she's a good lay and you guys have a lot of inside jokes established, but here you are. It's been one month, there's a roadblock, and you're not happy about it.

You know you can't go forward with this relationship unless she drops the project. But this is where it's tricky: you can't tell her to drop it, because it isn't your business yet. Just like she doesn't deserve proof of commitment when none of her behavior, other than fucking you, merits it.

So, if she sets this project aside, allow her to come to the conclusion ON HER OWN. Any ultimatum you give a woman will make her want to do that thing even more.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Thx for the input, guys! Appreciate it!
I agree, I don't think she's intending to cheat. I haven't explicitly said that it would be over when she cheats, but I think she knows. She knows how I handled my last breakup (fair but firm). And when I talked to her it seemed like that's the premise for her as well. I don't come off as a weakling so I don't think she thinks I'd accept her cheating.
To this I have to say, yes I see where you're coming from. But since I couldn't write down every conversation we had, I did not mention that right in the very early stages we had a lot of talks about previous relationships and she's told me that she deeply regrets cheating on her ex and she's looking for a healthy relationship and now knows better than to cheat, after experiencing and realizing her loss. Then again, her next relationship ended with her cheating, too. But she says she wasn't serious about the last one.
In both cases though, I believe she cheated because the relationship was over for her and that was her (weak) way of dealing with it and getting out.
But you're right, the bit, where she thought about the correlation of her past and this situation and when she said it was "maybe a little bit similar" is still a big warning sign for me.
True, things were going well and while the whole ex-film thing was still somewhere in the back of my mind it didn't come up for a while so it was not bothering me at that moment. So I told her I was happy with her, it was the truth. Only after that talk she told me that about her SPAM session and the red flag for me was that it happened after our little fight. If it was a regular thing they did to work on the project I think I wouldn't be so worried.

Sorry, this has nothing to do with whether she will cheat. It's a long distance and you wouldn't know. She doesn't have to tell you if she does. No one cheats because they know they that their partner will stay with them. They cheat when they know they can get away with it without you knowing.
This girl has cheated at least twice on past bfs? And you're in a LDR with her? That's like putting your dick and heart in a mouse trap. She rationalizes why she cheats. Not a good sign. She can rationalize to herself that you 2 aren't official yet so it doesn't count, or as she brought up that she doesn't think you're committed.

Sounds like a sucky situation. You're in a LDR with a girl with a history of cheating. Everything you say about her, her ex's probably thought too. You could very well be the guy who she tells the next bf she cheated on for XYZ reason.
Personally, I won't have gotten serious with a girl like this. Especially long distance. Truth is, whatever she has told you about the past is 50% true. It's the best version from her point of view. Don't rationalize why she cheated and why things are different. You're seeing the same shit coming back. Fight and she goes talking to an ex.

As Dr.Jones said see if she continues with the project. Don't listen to her words, watch her actions. She has cheated on at least 2 guys and is working on a project with her ex. Keep it simple