I've been dating this HB8.5 for about 2 months now, and we almost dated exactly one year ago but I dropped her saying she wasn't my type. Anyways when we met up again she fell completely in-love with me. Like, she wrote this \/ \/ in my iphone notes as I was ignoring her one night.

"I love you. To the end of the world and back. You've become my best friend. And I would honestly be lost without you. You're everything I could have wanted and more. You're my absolute Prince Charming. You've got an amazing personality, beautiful blue eyes, an amazing way of speaking, and you're the most handsome man man I've ever laid eyes on. I love you to the end of the world and back. And it makes me sad because you don't understand that. You don't realize how much you mean to me. I'd do anything for you. Even sit here and be ignored. I know I'm being a huge brat lately, and I dunno why. I just feel like I haven't gotten enough of you, and my soon to be started job is stressing me out. I'm sorry for being a bad girlfriend the past couple of days. I love you. And everything that you are, and will become. Hell, I even love your past. I love you. Everything to do with you. I just wanna be with you. Until the end of time. Got it?<3


Problem is, I've AFC'd myself and recently told her the same type of stuff like that ^ but are relationship has turned more into a bestfriendship. We still kiss and makeout, but we only have sex maybe 1 or 2 a week. And we don't exactly get a lot of alone time, but when we do and I try to escalated she just says 'No.' So I think she thinks she has me completely, and she wants to get married, ect.

So, I know my solution is to soft next her, but how I soft next someone that is consistently talking to me. So if I don't talk to her for lets says even 5 hours, I'll probably get several text messages and phone call. Do I just completely ignore them still? And then call her up in a day or two and act like nothing is wrong? Or should I wait until we hangout again and she denies sex, then soft next? Right now we just got done hanging out on a Friday night, and she told me to come help her make t-shirts for my nieces, and we ended up babysitting. She knew we were going too, she just didn't tell me until I got there.

Basically I want to soft next her, and make sure she knows it's because she's denying sex.

Bummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmp

is she 17 or damaged?

17

The fundamental question here is, "why is she rejecting your sexual advances?"

First, at what point is she stopping you? How do you initiate sex? Are you providing enough foreplay? Does she orgasm when you have sex? Does she let you know when she's on her period?

Second, does she come from a conservative background? is she on birth control (or anti-depressants)? Do you always use condoms?

Third, since you two are really young.. Where are you initiating sex? Is there a threat of getting caught? Does this cause her to have anxiety?

Forth, has she given you any excuses? Have you ASKED her what her what the deal is? Have you (sub-)communicated your expectations?

I ask these questions to determine whether or not her actions actually qualify as bad behavior. If there's no underlying reason for her to withhold sex, then you could consider going through with a soft next.

On to your question:

If it helps, think about a soft next as a direct response to bad behavior or drama (not necessarily a punishment). You are just removing yourself from the situation in order to think about it clearly and re-prioritize. You aren't answering your phone or texting because you are busy, and you need your space for a little while. The advantage to this is that it also (sub-)communicate that if she continues to act badly, then you will continue to distance yourself from her for periods of time.

/This will not fix things if the only problem is that your girlfriend has a naturally low sex drive.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html