i've been preparing a series of posts that provided a lot of value and depth to my understanding of social dynamics.

some are 100% my idea, others are from other people, and some are variations on things other people have spoken about.

hell, one of them is a quote from Alfie (2004)

so the posts will be called lessons, just because that's the way i have them saved up in my phone, as they came up in my life or in my head.

i'll post one per week, and probably by the time i finish they will be more than 9. thats the beautiful thing about life: you never stop learning.

i hope you like them

jason.

_________________
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Blog:
http://selfdevelopmentpua.blogspot.com.ar/

Twitter:
@projectbsas

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projectbuenosaires2013@gmail.com

Lesson 1: You should never answer a question that hasnt been asked.

i would like you to just read that sentence, and dont read forward just yet. read it and think about the full meaning of that sentence for a moment. only then continue reading. this will help you give your own meaning to the sentence, and that deeper understanding cant be matched by any explanation.

its quite obvious when you think about it, but it was a very important lesson in my journey.

basically, if the other person did not show interest to know the answer to a question, do not answer.

but its not only about questions. going back to investment, if the person you are talking to doesnt invest the time to ask something, and you answer never the less, you are lowering your value.

it extends to advice too. let me give you an example:

say you go out with friends, and one of your friends is trying to hook up with a girl, and you see him makeing a mistake. you really want to help him, because he's your friend. you can now do two things:

dont follow the first lesson: go and say to him

-hey i saw you with that girl over there, dude you were moving too fast, she was getting uncomfortable

to which he will probably tell you to fuck off and stop acting like an expert, or

follow the first lesson: go and say to him:

- hey i saw you with that girl over there, how did it go?

- not good bro i dont know what happened. did you see me?

- yeah stuff was going well, but i think i know what went wrong

-really? what hapened?

- i think you might have gone too fast.

(after this of course you need to fundament your acusation politely or nobody is going to take it seriously. its advisable in this particdular case to tell a story of how you messed up too and learned from that, so your friend doesnt feel like you are talking to him from a superiority position)

another example:

the other day my brother commented something about how wierd it was that if you touch the fire of a small candle quite fast, you dont get burned. i knew the reason why that happened, and my ego was pushing me forward to explain how it worked, just as a means to validate itself , but he didnt ask how it worked, he just made an observation, and i toled him, i was about to tell you why that happends, but you didnt ask so i wont. he actually was reliefed.

me from before learning social dynamics would have explained it, and it would have bored him to death, because im into science and he's not. knowing this simple lesson and how to apply it, i saved him from that bring explanation, and i saved myself from looking like i was showing off.

by the way, showing off sends everyone a very strong sign of how insecure you are. if you need to prove yourself to others, that means you use their aproval to measure your success, and thats the very definition of a beta male.

so dont answer questions that hasnt been asked, you come off arrogant, full of shit, a show off, and not nice.

learn that sometimes its better to shut up. other times, its better to provoque the question before stateing your opinion.

hope this helps.

jason.

_________________
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Blog:
http://selfdevelopmentpua.blogspot.com.ar/

Twitter:
@projectbsas

Email for free, anonymous private advice:
projectbuenosaires2013@gmail.com

great thread jason..great vibe....waitin out for the next week and the next lesson.....

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Dude this is great stuff! Thanks brother

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What to Say

I really liked this, thank you.

Lesson 2: The value other people give to your actions is proportional to the value you give them yourself.

talking about a few of this lessons with friends of mine, i realized that many of them have one thing in common: they are stuff we all know deep down, but writing them down solidifies the concept in a very beneficial way. i suggest whenever you have an insight, take that phone out of your pocket and write it down. i personally find it very helpful.

we have a great deal of influence over other people's perception of us and our actions.

Adam Lyons has great examples explaining this concept. in one of his talks at the 21 Convention he tells a story of how he rushed inside the ladies room to talk to a friend of he's, and she was peeing, but he gave no importance to that, he gave no value to the situation, and the girl kind of accepted that behavior. RSD people call it setting the frame. i chose to use the word value, but it could also be called level of importance, or relevance. i used the word value because it has a wider meaning.

lets use a simple example, lets say you drop your bottle of water over your food at lunch time, in some public place. maybe a restaurant, maybe the college food court, etc.

now, a great deal of the value people give to that act of clumsiness will be determined by your own reaction to it.

An example of giving that action a lot of value would be to curse loudly, get angry, take the plate and throw all your food away.
this way you loose in all ends of the spectrum. if people didn't notice you already, they will. it will become a much greater deal, you will develop a bad mood and your whole day will be affected. also you will lower your own value, by letting this affect you so much, as you show that your life is either lame and monotonous or very unhappy, and also a little weird, otherwise you wouldn't take something like this so badly.

that's probably the worse case scenario, so lets try to improve from that as much as we can.

An example of avoiding to give it much value is to slow down. this types of situations in particular will make most people accelerate. try to pick their food up, act really fast and even clumsier than before, and this will build up, so i recommend you do the opposite. slow down.
whenever i feel stressed, or insecure, i stop, sit down, and take a few good deep breaths. it works like magic.
take a few seconds to understand the situation. laugh it off, course with a smile if you need to course, and don't be loud.

transmit the feeling that you understand that this can happen to anyone, throw your actions, let everyone know that its not a big deal.

another example:

say a female friend of yours uses your computer and finds out you have porn on your history record on that browser. you could either try to deny it and come off as someone who is surely very insecure, or be like yeah everyone does it dude, its normal, get over it. with a smile, and playfully.

very different reactions will come from those two approaches.



Even though you can influence a great deal on other people's perception of you and your actions, some of it is left to situational and personal circumstances. the other person might have had a terrible day, don't expect to be able to control other people.

i like to think of it as an equation:

V1=K*V2

V1 is the value you give to your own actions
V2 is the value other people give to your actions
K is a situational constant that cant be controlled and that's affected by personal situations the other person is facing, and situational circumstances. k may make V2 bigger or smaller, that just depends, but its always dependent on V1


own your reality, choose to give and take value from things as you feel convenient or appropriate.

hope this helps, thanks for the feedback, i really appreciate it.

Jason

_________________
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Blog:
http://selfdevelopmentpua.blogspot.com.ar/

Twitter:
@projectbsas

Email for free, anonymous private advice:
projectbuenosaires2013@gmail.com

AWESOME Jason.

_________________

Lesson 3

Lesson 3 is different from the first two lessons. This lesson deals with a very spesific situation. I decided to share it, as its a very common situation, and you may find value in it.

Sometimes in the field, girls will show lmr to a kiss close, and the rutine im about to share with you now deals with that typeof situation.

Let me give you an example of a girl showing lmr before a kiss.
Last month I went out, and there was a brazilian girl, a bit older than me, that was fucking hot, so I played the usual game: talk to her and her friends a bit, then leave on a high note, then when I run into them again later, talk to them again, kino escalatea bit, then leave on a high note again, and the third time I run into them, kino, isolate by hugging her, dance a bit and hug her again, by having my hands arround her waist, pulling her close, and looking into her eyes. I see she looks at me expectantly, and I go for the kiss, but she regects it by turning her head. I laugh if off, and a bit later try again. She turns her head, so I run the kiss lmr destroyer rutine that is lesson 3.

When she turns her head, kiss her on her cheek, and make her feel confortable by laughing it off. Then slowly start to kiss her down from her cheek to her neck. Kiss her on her neck, and feel how she loosens up and gets exited. Then with your thumb and index finger touch her chin, and look at her eyes without going for the kiss for 3 or 4 seconds. A lot of tension will be created. Dont wait too much, sometimes its not even necesary to build the tension, just go for the kiss.

This rutine has worked 100% of the times ive used it, but you do have to use it only if you can feel that she just regected the kiss because you havent gotten close enough, but she does like you and she does wanna kiss you.
If thats not the case good luck trying to kiss her neck.

Hope you find value in this,

Jason.

_________________
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Blog:
http://selfdevelopmentpua.blogspot.com.ar/

Twitter:
@projectbsas

Email for free, anonymous private advice:
projectbuenosaires2013@gmail.com

Excellent post mate. Keep 'em rolling.

_________________
"Quit. Don't quit. Noodles. Don't Noodles. You are too concerned with what was and what will be. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."

Amazing what you can learn from a cartoon

Lesson 4 :You cant give what you dont have.
My mother used to tell me a story: "When i first got into a plain, and i saw the safety video, it got me thinking. The part when it says that adults should put their masks on before helping children or desabled people. See its because you cant save anyone if you are dead."
That little bit of wisdom was something i could never grasp at first, but as the years went by i understood what it really means and that is what i have decided to share with you, the lesson number four.

Just as you cant give someone a dollar if you are broke, You cant be loved if you dont love, as it not only applies to the fisical plain, but also to the emotional, incstintive, and spiritual ones.
You cant make anyone happy unless you are happy yourself.
You cant teach what you dont know
You cant provide clarity to the minds of others if your mind is troubled , and so on.

Learn that to get back, you have to give, and to give you have to have. So focus on makeing yourself a better version of you, just as much, or even more than on learning the tecniques to pick up women.

This lesson is linked with lesson 6, the law of emotional transference. Expect that one sooner, as i have decided to post two posts per week now, one on tusdays and one on saturdays I hope you like this, and it helps you on your journey.

Peace
Jason

_________________
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Blog:
http://selfdevelopmentpua.blogspot.com.ar/

Twitter:
@projectbsas

Email for free, anonymous private advice:
projectbuenosaires2013@gmail.com

good reads man. keep them coming

_________________
Preston's Game Log - Please critique

dude, these lessons ALL have resonated with me, especially since i have actually lent heavy thoughts to these concepts in the past. I took the RSD hotseat and committed to self improvement after a major break up.... since then I've been finding deeper meaning within myself and life.

You've offered me clarity through a different perspective. Reading these thoughts in digital form helps me come to grasp deeper meanings. It's basically one of those "aha" moments, thank you for that.

just keep em comin...God bless...

_________________

Lesson 5
Law of conservation of group rational attitude.

One of the most powerful lessons, the law of conservation of group rational attitude is also one of the hardest to explain to those that have not experienced it in action. On the other hand, for those that have experienced it in action, this will be very easy to grasp. Bear with me if you haven’t, this lesson is extremely useful in social interactions.

Have you ever participated in a debate? I suppose many of you have, and I’m sure you have experienced that no matter who wins the argument, both parties leave the debate even more convinced of their point of view than before.

Author Dale Carnegie, in his self-help classic ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ teaches that one should never say ‘you are wrong’ 1. Why? Because that’s the most effective way of putting someone in a defensive position, and defending his point of view ‘till the end, as being right is now attached to his sense of self-worth, and his ego.

This principle is what lesson 5 lays upon, but it extends Carnegie’s teaching to a wider spectrum of social interactions. Just as saying ‘you are wrong’ puts the other person in a defensive position, when you are interacting with a group of people, taking an extreme position on any subject will make the rest of the group take an equally strong, but opposite position in that same subject.

Let’s take politics as an example subject. Let’s say I decide to take a very aggressive position over a particular subject. For example the politics of abortion. Even though people might agree with my position if I skillfully let them build interest in my point of view, and only then voice my opinion (lesson 1. Never answer a question that hasn’t been asked), if I decide to try to push my believes into them and voice my opinion with enough strength and extremism, no matter what the rest of the people in that group believe, all of them combined will develop an equally extreme and strong position in opposition to my own opinion.

That being said, this doesn’t mean that nobody will agree with me. Careful now, because here is the tricky part that makes this extremely powerful. This law states that the sum of all rational attitudes (opinions) of the group in question will remain constant:



Let’s say we have a way of measuring the extremeness of an opinion, and we have a group of 5 people, one of which has a very strong position against abortion. One day they are talking, and the subject comes up.

Now if we could graph the group’s position on the subject while it’s taking place, we would see something like this:



Were 5 is the neutral position, as time goes on and Julia starts to get more and more extreme in her argument, john, peter and Kathy stop being neutral. John starts to take a very strong pro-abortion position, Kathy agrees with Julia, very strongly at first but a bit weaker later, and peter fluctuates, keeping a more or less balanced negative opinion about abortion. Robert, on the other hand, remains indifferent to the discussion and decides not to participate.

With 10 being the extreme pro-abortion side, and 0 being the extreme anti-abortion side, the sum of the intensity of the opinions in the group remains at a constant 25. (This is to say that the average opinion in the group is always 5, even though the individual opinions vary greatly.
This dynamic is typical of strongly rational based debates. This is a simplified version, and complications start to appear when the initial intensity of the opinions of the individual people is not neutral, for example, or when there is an emotional connection between two of the participants, which we will analyze in lesson 6: the law of emotional transference, and its relation with lesson 5 and the practical applications it has on social dynamics.

I will leave you with an example of practical application of this knowledge to influence the behavior of groups of people. But first you need to understand that by taking an extreme position over any particular subject you are creating a disconnection between yourself and everyone else in that group, and this will have a negative effect in people’s opinions of your persona. This is to say if you take extreme positions over subjects all the time people won’t like you.

So if you don’t mind people not liking you in a particular group, and you want that group to take a particular position on a subject, infiltrate that group and voice a very extreme position, opposite to the one you want the group to take. Make it impossible to relate to for them, by presenting an argument that will make them feel disconnected from you and feel compelled to argue with you.
For example if you are talking to a group of woman about the ethics of being easy (a slut) and you want them to take the position that being a slut is not wrong, present a very rational argument on why being slutty is wrong. Get crazy with it, to the point you want to argue with yourself, and that’s when you know you are fucking with their heads.

“First of all, there´s a 70% chance increase of catching diseases by having sex with more than one partner, and to be honest you shouldn’t even be having sex until you are married”
Dude that statement is so annoying if some guy came to me and started with that shit I would even get angry and punch the guy, and that’s exactly what you want to accomplish. Make them relate the idea and the position with that negative feeling, and then let them reply, and let them elaborate. Challenge them, don’t let them win, make them think and elaborate, develop a full idea. Then you have inception.

A note on the ethics of this knowledge: manipulation is wrong and not only that, but it also is a very dark knowledge, and using dark knowledge will not make you happy. Also it will always, and I mean every time, have side effects that you didn’t expect. This can be counterproductive. But that’s not even the worse part. Using this kind of knowledge fucks with your self-worth, and will make you have a temporary sense of power from an ego validation provided by the fact that you could manipulate and control an intelligent person, making you feel more intelligent than them. This will soon wear away, as what makes people happy is not ego validation, but doing the right thing, as a habit. Also, ego validation as a source of feeling good is addictive.

This post is meant for you to understand the dynamics involved in rational debates, and I personally use it to avoid getting extreme in any argument, as I know I won’t accomplish anything by doing so, except making people resent be and creating an opposite reaction to the one intended, as by debating you never convince anyone of anything.

Just know that there’s a dark side to social dynamics. A very powerful, but soul destroying part, which you have to be very careful to avoid.

Hope you find value in this,

Jason.

_________________
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Blog:
http://selfdevelopmentpua.blogspot.com.ar/

Twitter:
@projectbsas

Email for free, anonymous private advice:
projectbuenosaires2013@gmail.com

the graph that i was trying to incorporate to the text was misplaced when i posted. i cant figure out how to post it in the right position. you can find this post better organiced at jason-pua.blogspot.com.ar, thats my blog.

there you will also find older posts i made, from which i have recieved very good feedback from readers.

thanks a lot for your comments, it really gives me an incentive to keep posting.

peace

jason.

_________________
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Blog:
http://selfdevelopmentpua.blogspot.com.ar/

Twitter:
@projectbsas

Email for free, anonymous private advice:
projectbuenosaires2013@gmail.com