Background

Met HB9 in June of 2012 and we really hit it off and got close with each other fast. Took her to some hockey games as the first few dates and went out clubbing a lot after the games as I am friends with a lot of professional players and we would go party with them after. She obviously loved this (DHV?). After about a month of seeing each other she was the first to request that we become exclusive. I was all for it and maybe gave in a little too easy and the next thing I know, I spontaneously met up and surprised her in Europe while she was travelling and spent a couple of weeks with her and her friends. We fell in love very quickly and got really close. She was the first to say " I love you" and by November , December she was telling me she wanted to marry me , and spend the rest of her life with me.

Current Problem

As of2013 my life has taken a turn for the worse in terms of major troubles with my business as well as my father passing away from cancer in March. As a result my whole demeanour has changed. I would lash out at minor offences, I would get irritated if she wouldn't comply with me and I would over react when she would argue with me, or not put any effort in to plans or if she changed her mind about stuff. Our arguments would flare up to the extreme where degrading language and profanities would be said to each other. Basically I lost my inner game.

She is leaving to visit family back home in Colombia (she is born in Colombia) tomorrow and will be gone for 5 weeks. The original plan was that she wanted me to accompany her which I had planned on doing for about 1 week ; however, due to the current circumstances I decided to cancel the trip as she told me she didn't want me to come anymore.

In order to get extra money for this trip she was trying to find a job. She was begging me to help her get a job where she could earn fast money with my connections at the local Night Clubs. She told me that ideally she doesn't want to become that kind of girl working in a club and that this job would be temporary just to make a quick buck, and that when she is back she would quit. I was reluctant to get her this job as it is not an industry I feel comfortable having my GF work in. Nonetheless, I got her the job as a guest list girl. Immediately after the first weekend she started telling me that she really likes the job and that she wants to continue working there when she is back. I immediately got upset because this isn't the first time she has said one thing and then done another. I felt as though this was pre meditated and she only told me it would be temporary so that I give in to helping her get a job. She claims she likes it because it's entertaining and because the money is good ( which it is). But my feeling was that she just enjoys the attention she gets from all the other guys.

I told her that I do not want her working there when she gets back and she obviously refused. We tried to come to some sort of mutual agreement on period of length but it flared up in to WW3 where she was being stubborn and yelling at me , and I yelled back at her , called her a bunch of names, and in my rage I accidentaly broke the side mirror of her car ( she uses her moms car) . I was also drunk at the time of this argument.

Needles to say this did not go over well with her. The next day we met up again to try and resolve the issue and we met at her house, but the same thing happened and we flared up again; However, this time her mother heard us arguing and came downstairs and immediately interupted us and started yelling at me for the way I was speaking to her daughter. I immediately, calmed down, apologized profusely, left and went home. I waited a few days and reached out to her mother by calling ( she did not answer) so I said what I needed to in a text message apologizing for my behaviour and disrespecting her daughter, and vowing to her that this behaviour will never happen again, and all though i'm going through a difficult time there is no excuse for this behaviour.

This was an immediate wake up call to me, and I took immediate steps on Monday to better myself. My gf is clearly not happy with this behaviour and she has now started telling me she doesn't care about this relationship very much anymore. However, despite all this she wants to give me a chance to show her that I can revert back to the person I was and if so then maybe there is a chance for the relationship to work again although she says that even if I do change there is no guarantee she will feel the same way for me again. She wanted me to write down some of the areas I thought needed improvement in the relationship and send it to her so that we are both on the same page

So as it stands she is leaving tomorrow morning for Colombia and she has a final exam for her university course right before. I have not scene her since the last flare up but as we discussed on the phone and through text I sent her the areas of our relationship that we need to work on. She told me she will review it and get back to me as I am not her priority right now because she needs to study ( she never used to say these things) . I also wanted to see her before she leaves because she is gone for 5 weeks, but she has been saying " i don't have time to sleep over, you are not my priority, I will try to come and say bye to you before I head to the airport" Her tone and attitude has been very rude and putting off and disinterested. So I just left it at telling her " I have put an effort in to trying to resolve this by writing stuff down but i am getting nothing but rudeness from your part, Like you said sorting this out or talking to me or seeing me before u leave is not your priority. so have fun on your trip, take lots of pictures, be safe and enjoy the sun, you deserve it, I will talk to you when you are back in August"

So where do I go from here? Do I just wait it out and see if she tries to see me before she leaves? and if she does make an effort to see me last minute do I make myself available or should I say " sorry I didn't hear from you until last minute and i'm tied up right now and i'll see you when you're back" . And if that happens do I just stay radio silent for a few weeks until she emails me or calls me from her trip?

I need all the advice I can get, I really love this girl and know I can change my inner game and get back to how I was. I realize that over the course of the relationship I started becoming very AFC, became very clingy, always wanted to see her, would constantly tell her how much I love her and how I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I am not sure how this happened. I became so scared of losing her. for no reason.

Also , How do i fix the situation with her mom? She is very judgemental , and thinks she is better than everybody, so I feel that it's going to be hard to resolve that situation... Even though my gf is saying I didn't, her mom believes I broke the mirror as well. How do i handle her?

Thanks in advance guys.

I forgot to mention as it stands we are still exclusive to one another. Also the other night she saw that I was out at a club from my instagram post and she was upset that I did not tell her I was going out and she really wanted to know who I was with. But other than that she isn't really talking to me or putting in an effort.

However, as I am posting this she jsut sent me a message saying " I looked over what u sent and just sent you back the revised copy of our list of improvements" Do i respond? or do still wait to see if she puts in an effort to seeing me before she leaves?

So, you have some connections with professional hockey players, you have connections in the nightclub industry, and you run your own business. You are successful in your own right, and anyone here would label you a king. Yet quite sadly, you let her treat you like the big ass dump my dog took on my neighbour's lawn. Your entire story is so sad, actors could read it to draw tears for a live shooting. Your story is so sad, even Satan would cry. Your story is so sad, that I'd rather stab myself repeatedly in the testicles than be in your position.

She actually made you send her a list of things you need to improve on? And you gave in? LOL. Someone punch me in the face. I must be dreaming. If I tell you to put your dick in a blender, would you do it too? And to top it off, she was downright dismissive and rude when you actually gave her this list. Well, fuck. Talk about a train wreck Denzel Washington couldn't save.

For far too long, you've been whipped, and you've been a pussy. Time to man up. Stop contacting her. Do not ever contact her again until she contacts you. Fuck the list you gave her... It has expired and it no longer applies. Fuck her mom too. If she gives you attitude again, tell her to go back to Columbia where she can snort on cheap coke (well don't actually do that). Stop apologizing for the way you behaved, even if you were wrong. Although you had no business telling her to quit the job you got her. Yeah, she'll get hit on. But if you had solid game you'd have nothing to worry about. But here you are, needing a radical transformation. As far as your instagram pic of you out at the club -- GOOD. Do more of that. Concentrate on yourself and enjoying yourself. Go out with girls and get her jealous. When she gets mad calmly tell her "but we're just friends." And when you play down your list, tell her "yeah sure I'll work on those things." (But don't actually work on those things -- what you need to work on is what I and others will tell you to do). Just fuck the list. And when she finally confronts you about not working on your list, tell her "well what about your list? You have nothing to improve on?" (in a calm, nonchalant manner). When she accuses you of being distant and not giving a fuck (this is what you should be doing), tell her sincerely "I've just been hurt by you saying I'm no longer a priority and I no longer matter, and I'm just trying to enjoy life right now and doing the things that make me happy. That's all."

I'm not sure if this situation is recoverable, but if it is your best bet is to start by doing the above.

Thanks for lighting a fire under my ass Betamax. I really needed that.

What you suggested i do by enjoying myself and subtly making it known to her via instagram and such is exactly what I plan on doing. and I will be putting it in to overdrive when she is gone for 5 weeks. But even though I am the one that made the huge screw up do you actually think she will come around and start chasing me the way you said, and become jealous and start wanting me back? Cuz right now she seems very non chalant.

I am pretty sure if I do what you have suggested and what others will suggest, I will regain my footing and my inner game will come back, which in turn will make me react the right way in situations and then she will start chasing me again. is this right?

I still haven't responded to her and now she just called me, this is interesting... should I call her back?

Dude, consider it over. She's gotten a job she likes from you, where the money is good and she gets hit on. This is what she wants. Shes an HB9 so she knows she will find someone with your connections and money soon. My guess is this 5 weeks apart will be enough that she can get over you, come back and find someone new. Maybe it was your neediness and arguments, or the chick just doesnt want the marriage thing. I never understand how guys hear chicks say they want to marry them and get pulled into that shit and actually believe it and then wonder why she is leaving. You're getting the slow breakup on this one. The girl liked what you had to offer, got what she wanted and now she is ready to move on the bigger and better. Let her. Fix yourself for you, because even if she comes back it will be to use you again. This girl is a USER. You helped her get a job and she chose it over making you comfortable.

Well, neo87 had a much more cynical view (he's the harshest critic of women on here anyway)... But I wouldn't consider her a user just yet. I mean you DID date her for a year, and you DID legitimately fall in love. I don't think gold diggers and users last that long without marriage. I mean, they're more prone to being good girls until they get the ring on their finger. I think this is just a case of the tide turning because of the honeymoon phase being over. Plus let's not forget you're not exactly innocent in any of this as your tantrums would certainly testify. Not necessarily, but this is your best bet to getting her back - a display of aloofness and manliness. It's 50/50. If it doesn't work, it would have meant but one thing: she visibly doesn't care that YOU are distancing yourself, and even trying to get her back would be sacrificing your own dignity. Do you want to also lose your dignity? No. So be a man and get the respect you deserve. Yes. For now. Because you're clinging to her vagina in total AFC fashion. And see what seemingly ignoring her text will do? She calls you. In less than a few hours? There IS hope.

The other important thing that I may not have stressed is that you need to remain respectful. And I see that you have trouble doing so when things don't go your way, because let's face it -- I'm sure she'd label you manipulative. Although it's fine to be bossy and wanting to get your way, losing your temper and going into a tantrum is not. There are better ways to punish her disobedience. You can ignore her for a few hours or days. Or you can go clubbing "with friends." That is sending a message using action, not angry words. But make sure it's over something reasonable... Because forcing her to quit her job certainly isn't reasonable -- that's something YOU need to work on.

Stay calm and remain in control at all times. When she starts yelling, before you reciprocate, simply walk away to think things through and calm yourself before you unleash a car bashing episode. Just this alone is an act of superiority. Alphas don't need to yell to get their way, and they won't tolerate drama either.
If you want to know whether to respond or ignore her, ask yourself if she was disrespectful. Did she just drop a "you are not my priority" on you? Walk away immediately and ignore her for at least a few hours or days. This is sending a message that you won't accept that bullshit. But for now, go ahead and call her back. If she asks why you took so long, tell her you were busy in an aloof manner. Tell her you agree with the things she said in her revised list, and that you'll work on them (but don't unless we've explicitly told you it's something you need to work on). Don't ask to see her before she leaves for the airport... If she asks to see you, great. If not, well the cunt can go straight to her coke country.

I understand Neo's point of view. I could def see that as a possible scenario; however, it is not the answer I wanted to hear lol

Betamax, I fully agree that my tantrums etc need to be controlled and I am working on that. I will take the advice of distancing myself, enjoying myself and being aloof.

It is early morning here on the beautiful westcoast, so i'm just going to text her saying " sorry was busy, I agree with the list and i'll work on it" and leave it at that, and leave this whole list talk dead there hopefully and only work on the issues betamax has suggested

I will then wait to see if she reaches out to contact me about meeting up before she leaves. If she does contact me about meeting up, how should I interact with her when we meet. Also when she is gone, do I wait for her to reach out via email or text, SPAM etc. and if she does, do I just purposely not be readily available all the time? How do I manage that aspect?

Thank you all again for giving me your advice.

Hey man, just read your story, and I hope everything works out in the best way for you (however that may be).

Aside from what's been said, one thing I absolutely have to point out which I unfortunately notice in too many guys is insecurity which your posts drip of. This paragraph for example:
Your fear of her getting attention from the other guys stems from the insecurity you feel about the relationship as a whole. You have to let her do her thing, even if it's tearing you up inside. Nothing will kill attraction and the relationship faster than if you start acting jealous and possessive. You don't control her - and at the end of the day you can't tell her what to do. What you CAN do is better yourself to make the kind of guy women would never dream of leaving. Like so many issues in relationships - this one boils down to inner game.

_________________
Preston's Game Log - Please critique

I agree with this.

Even though she said she would take the night club job temporary, you should have at least considered she might like the job and want to keep it for however long she felt comfortable doing it. You had every right to express your displeasure of her keeping the job but still had to except her decision. And if you didnt like her decision, then you would have to decide to let her go if you couldnt live with it because it crossed your boundaries.

As for the hard time you have had in your life with business and your late father. Sounds like you would come home and take it all out on her. Its ok to vent to your partner, but not alright to take it out on them. It is not her fault your father passed, nor is it her fault that your business went through hard times. Women want to feel secure and safe in there relationship. Screaming, yelling, and cussing at your girlfriend would eventually make her feel fear of being around you. Maybe evening scared you might take it further and harm her.

The mother situation, only time together with her daugther will strength that relationship. Right now you are just the guy that cussed and disrepected her daugther.

Good, you're learning fast. Be cheerful and happy like nothing is going wrong... Don't get into your problems. Essentially, be like how you were when you two met. If she starts giving you an earful about the list or something else you did wrong, ignore it, shrug it off, do whatever you can to avoid it. Remain cheerful about it. If she still insists, tell her you were wrong and you'll work on it to quickly get off the topic. The goal is to avoid negative talk and negative vibes.

You should be readily available to answer her only when she has a positive attitude and is respectful. Then you can respond as quickly as you want. But if she's negative and disrespectful, depending on the severity of the offence, you'll either want to delay your answer or outright ignore her until you get the sense she's desperate. Psychology 101: reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour.

Thank you for all your replies guys.

Krular, I agree with you. If the relationship fixes and HB9 becomes visibly happier again etc. Then I do believe that is the only way the mother will lose some negative feeling towards me and that truly is the only way to fix that part.

Update

Like I said I texted her at around 6am saying " sorry was busy, I agree with the list and i'll work on it". She texted me at around 9:45am saying "Ok, and add to it that either of us can walk away from this attempt at any time"

By the sounds of that line it seems like the scenario Neo suggested could be playing out....

She is now in her exam, she will prob be done in a couple hours, and then go home and start packing for her trip since she leaves at 6 am the next morning.

I haven't responded to the message she just sent, as it is still a negative vibe as Betamax suggested. Am I doing the right thing with that? My train of thought is to not respond to that, and just wait out the rest of the day to see if she mentions anything about meeting up. Am I correct?

I really hope she does try to meet up , if not , I really do feel that there is no hope then.

Any thoughts guys?

Thank you for all the support

Judging by what I've read, her text is just her trying to display her position of power. In a nutshell, she wants to know she still has you invested in her.

My advice, send something very short back, direct and to the point.

Something like "Noted. See ya."

From there on out, I would treat her as she has you. She is not your priority. Why should she be? You are not her priority. Live your life, do your thing, on your own terms. Treat her as you're going to be treated. Will you know her every move while she is gone? If not, why should she know yours?

Best of luck.

Ok , well i just replied back, and said "i know that. I'm done talking about this list now, i'm moving on from it". Still nothing from her about wanting to meet up tonight before she leaves in the morning. Gonna wait it out. If i don't hear anything then fuck her. I'll next her while she's gone for 5 weeks.

Am i on the right path?

Lol. Betamax you flatter me. Not a harsh critic of women,I just look at the facts and use logic as opposed to overanalysis and mumbo jumbo female psychology.

Here is how I got my opinion:
1.OP sounds like he has stuff going for him ; high value connections, success and money. First sign that she may have gone with him for what he can offer as opposed to who he is.

2. She asks him for help with a job, he does so reluctantly under the assumption it will be short term. It doesn't make him comfortable and that's his right. When he brought it up (rightly so because HE was the one who got her the job) she basically tells him no, knowing he doesn't want her to do it long term. This says she values the job more than the OP, and would risk the relationship for the job. It is right to tell her he feels uncomfortable with something, especially when he got her the job. A girl who valued you would say thanks for the job and she'd quit before she leaves for her trip.

3. The OP feels that this was premedidated. She knows what she is doing and she knows how he would feel about it, but she started it anyway. She does not care.

To the OP, this girl is gone. You can get her to stay with you, but she's playing the game. She won't quit when she gets back. All this is is a smoke screen to get mad, so she can get the job, go on her trip, come back, and if you stay with her, YOU'RE the one who will be uncomfortable with her working there but can't say anything.
This means, if I don't feel like it, I'm walking away. She doesn't care.
1.Girl knows you wont like her working somewhere
2.She gets you to do it, promising it will be "temporary"
3.She springs on you that she will do it when she comes back.
4.You get upset, because you've been fooled she starts yelling so you start yelling
5.Girl breaks up right before a trip back home (perfect time to get some space and move on)
6.Either she just walks away, and continues the job which she wanted or she stays with you and continue doing the job anyway, knowing how you feel

If this girl is not playing the game right now, she will text you that she wont be working there when she comes back because she knows how you feel. My bet is, (and she's given you a list of things YOU need to fix) she doesn't mention the job and puts the focus on YOU. Lets see

Don't overanalyze it. Anytime a girl shows she doesnt care how you feel about something, she doesn't value you. You can justify it with psychology, about her abandonment issues, how she was raped, blah blah blah. At the end of the day, some girls just dont care and you shouldnt be with them.

Neo,

With regards to the job and stuff, after the breaking of the mirror but before her mother got involved, she told me that she signed a 3 month term and that she has to stay there for 3 months, and that when the 3 months are over she will quit. She also emailed her manager saying that when she is back she can only work Thursday and Friday night so that we can have Saturday night together. And after world war 3 erupted and even after her mom got involved she never mentioned going back on this.

I do seriously think that I can get my inner game back for the most part within the next 5 weeks, and resume this relationship when she is back, and I can get over her working at the club for however long she wants, I will work on myself to make sure that's not an issue with me. Should i be telling her when shes back that I don't care anymore, or should i just not bring it up and not let whichever outcome she decides with regards to that bother me?

Let's keep in mind that I do know this girl did genuinely love me. She would talk to me to all her friends, she was overly lovey with me to the point where her sister and her friends even told me " i've never seen her like this with anybody". My licence is suspended until October, and she has been driving me everywhere for the past 6 months too. She was there for me and my family when my father passed, and she's even drawn me a bunch of pictures when i'm down. ( she is very talented in drawing and painting)

Now my last text to her was "I know that. I'm done talking about this list now, i'm moving on from it" as previously mentioned in my last post. She waited an hour and messaged me saying " Good luck in your meeting".

Keep in mind that she had exams today and I did not wish her any luck or ask her about them yet, so this is a good thing what she has said, right?

I had forgotten that a few days ago when she mentioned she would try to see me wednesday before she leaves but wouldn't give me a time, I said , I don't know if i'll be free cuz it's a really busy day for me. My meeting should be done in a couple hours and then i'm off to my hockey game, she doesn't know I have one today. SHe kept telling me she'll just meet me when i'm free then even if it's late. But she hasn't mentioned anything about meeting up yet so should I still wait to see if she asks?

Where do I go from here? When i'm done with my meeting do I tell her, "thanks, it went well" kind of hinting to her that i'm done now and see if she reaches out to me about meeting up? Or should I say " Thank you, I've got a game later tonight, if you want to see me, come watch and we can hang out after?"

If we meet up I will take BetaMax's advice, be the same way I was early in the relationship, i'll give positive vibes etc but I wont be all I love you so much, want to be with you forever , i miss you and so on. And if she brings up the list i'll non chalantly deflect it.

I've only got a couple hours, so any good fast advice would be great.

Thank you all for giving me such great help so far