So we broke up and the next day I went to exchange our stuff back. When I got out the car, I saw the look on her face, it was obvious she hadn't slept. I couldn't help it and felt like I had to hug her, she grabbed me tighter and started crying. We hugged for a good 15 minutes in the middle of a busy parking lot. Once we sat down she told me she had thought about it and wanted to stay, that she made an accident and it would never actually lead to anything. We talked for about two hours and I decided to give her another chance.

I saw how the guy was talking to her at the end of the convo. He didn't want to push it, almost like it actually was just stupid talk. Now the thing is my girl admitted to wanting to be his friend and that she told him that's all they'll ever be. I told her its on her to gain back my trust, and that her actions will speak for themself. Im going to observe and ill know if shes actually hanging out with him and continuing this bullshit. Is this possible for her to actually learn? Do you think I'm fooling myself? It's not like they actually touched eachother. She will be seeing him soon at a wedding...

Another thing that bugged me was that she still didn't find anything wrong with still touching his scar, and him touching hers. Am I overreacting or should I.just keep it cool and continue to observe? Do I have the right to tell her to not contact him again?

Why would she learn anything? She received no real punisher. In the end, she didn't lose you. So subconsciously, she learned absolutely nothing. Will she repeat her mistake? Very likely. It would be controlling of you to tell her to not contact him again. If she had good judgement, she'd know not to contact him again. The issue is that in all likelihood, there's attraction between them.

She tasted the pain of the feeling of losing me. We both thought it was over, she even texted my mother and told her that it was her fault and shetill loves me very much , but it didn't work out.

I've personally beocame good friends with a girl that I had a lot of attraction with, this happened bcause I found my girl. Is too risky to think she's capable of this. She could just go with him... He's older and has his life together, but my girl.She still chose to be with me.... My only worry is if , he actually pulls off a move when they see eachother , I don't know if I can truly trust her.. so confused...

Well, okay. But suppose there IS a next time that she'll flirt with another guy (and there will be). She'll think to herself "wow shit I better hide this crap carefully this time otherwise he'll get so fucking mad again... But even if he finds out, he'll be mad for a few days but he'll forgive me again... No biggie." That's what humans do... They learn from their mistakes. In this case, her mistake wasn't flirting with a guy. Her mistake was being so careless in leaving evidence behind. She chose you because she loves you... She doesn't love him. She's just attracted to him... Nothing more.

I'll take a stab at this one. I bet the OP is being snoopy. Maybe has trust issues that cause this. I used to behave this way. If you dig deep enough on anyone you'll find dirt. The whole way I carried myself changed after I stopped this bad behavior. I realized nothing good could come of finding it so I quit looking for dirt. If she's gonna do it if she's gonna do it regardless if I'm waiting around worrying about it. In fact I realized they were honestly more likely to cheat. Women want a man to give them babies. Not throw tantrums like one. I'd learn from this and move on. It's not worth the effort once its been damaged like this to try to save it. I wasted a lot of time there.

Relationship is like a cup of water dude.

She just dropped a piece of shit in it and now it's part of the solution, and you're going to have to swim in it. Don't feel like it? Leave. But definitely don't let it go unpunished.

Swim in a cup of water with shit in it?

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I told her we need time to think , we got into a little argument because she doesn't understand flirting is wrong. She can't see that it can lead to putting pur relationship at risk , she thinks its just fun and that it doesn't mean anything. We have a great thing going but m not sure she knows what she can get herself into by flirting...


I'm so confused , I want this stress to end!

From the If this is what she thinks about flirting then you have to decide if you want her like this. If you can't accept this behaviour then you need to look for a girlfriend that doesn't flirt at all.
There is no right or wrong behaviour. She is the flirty type. But she has done nothing wrong so far. You are the one putting your relationship at risk by your needy jealous behaviour.

Seriously? you think a girl that would put her self in a position where she might cheat and me calling her out on it is needy? She refers to me as her husband, and openly talks about what we're planning to name our children in front of my family, and then she goes and tells this guy that she wants to touch him with sexual implications and talks about fuckin panties and shit behind my back?!.... a guy she will actually fuckin see in a week?!.... im being needy?!

she cant even promise herself she wouldnt do this to her supposed future husband? what kinda of shit is this... i know she's capable of more but i dont know if shes being stubborn or just not seeing my point of view.... our love is the strongest either of us have ever experienced, but she fucked it up, and shes not even starting to prove that this would still happen and taking the first step.

aaagh

I've been broken too. It will give you some comfort to know that this feeling of love wasn't created between you and her, but by yourself. Therefore, you can feel it again with the right person.

We seem to throw an emotional blanket over people when we develop relationships.

Ya I guess pool is better.

OP.

You are wigging out over this other dude and its lowering your value. Fuck let her flirt, let her touch other guys "scars"... fucking what ever... if she really falls for some other dude then you know she REALLY didnt feel the way she said she does about you. On the other hands if its just harmless fun then you look super alpha, not needy, and way more attractive when you ignore it or encourage it. That "ID give a fuck bad boy attitude is exactly what is attractive to girls... not the "babe u better not talk to him, you better not flirt with him" attitude, girls hate that.. they just want to have fun!! dont we all??!"

Now dont get me wrong there is a line... making out, sex, ect... if she crosses that then NEXT her ass and never look back. Simple. You are complicating this 2 much. I went through the same thing with myself and the girl im seeing in my LDR. What I found was that "I" yes take RESPONSIBILITY, was the one who was being insecure, needy, and had a low self esteem... which is actually UNATTRACTIVE and is how you WILL lose your girl.

To conclude dont worry about the texting, flirting, ect... its WHAT GIRLS DO. THEY ARE SUPER INSECURE THEMSELVES AND NEED VALIDATION... and will get it from anyone who will give it to them.... but that doesnt mean shes gonna fuck them... She likes being liked... its a GIRL thing... us guys dont give a fuck who likes us or who doesnt... for GIRLS this is their WHOLE LIFE. If people dont like them they get super depressed and will lower their standards to eventually be accepted. Be grateful she likes you.. spends time with you..ect. Tells you a lot about WHO YOU ARE AND YOUR VALUE.

Focus on the good...not the stupid 12 grade high school shit. If you want a women treat her like one... not some school girl who is texting the boy in mathclass.

All the Best
Duke

lmao. This is also why they repeatedly take pictures of their faces.

OP, what you decide is acceptable in your relationship is your choice. Some people don't care if their partner sleeps with other people, some draw the line at flirting. Regardless, whatever you find unacceptable and feel uncomfortable about is up to you. Even if she promises not to flirt she will most likely hide it better, or even if she truly doesn't you will most likely think she's just hiding it. Either you let her flirt or break up. If knowing your girl is flirting with other guys bothers you then break up.