Long story short she went out with some people from her work for drinks. Me being the relaxed laid back kind of guy I am just said "have fun" not thinking anything would ever happen. Im a pretty secure guy, I don't get jealous, I don't play her games, and she was in love with me (or so I thought), more than anyone Ive seen before, like head over heels. We've been in a monogamous relationship for about a year and a half now, and things have been excellent. I like to think my game is pretty tight and I treat her well, but this is her first real committed relationship, and by far her longest. Shes dated lots of guys but they all seemed to dump her a few months in, or not want to get serious, so shes had a bad history with men (shes 22 btw).

So last night her and her friends (both male and female) go out for drinks after work. We text a little during the night but I get tired and go to sleep. I wake up to a call about 3am with her crying, telling me I should break up with her, and telling me she took someone home and slept with him. Aparantly originally he just needed a place to crash but she was very drunk and they ended up having sex. But "only for a second" in her words, before telling him to stop and breaking down crying and calling me straight away. She kept saying how much she loved me and didn't want to lose me. I stayed calm and told her we were now broken up and that I didn't want to talk to her from then on. Since then I have received dozens of missed calls and tonnes of texts begging for forgiveness, swearing it was a mistake and she'll never do it again, will never drink again, she will do anything, etc, but I have just told her o don't know what will happen and that I need some time and space.

Part of me says I should be ruthless and just end it now, but obviously I care about this girl a lot. I feel I could forgive her, but never forget, and how could I ever trust her again? Any advice welcomed.

Tough call. Listen to your heart, if you truly do love her then focus on working through this. It'll be tough and test some of your values, but in the end it may bring the two of you closer together.

Trust obviously has been breached and has to be gained again for you two to have anything healthy and obviously the onus is on her. It is however unhealthy to hold this over her head, it will only make the two of you miserable.

Figure out what it is you want, perhaps you need time to think more clearly as this just happened and I imagine emotions are running high.

She swears they had sex "only for a second"? Even if that was true, and it's not, she spent the entire night lining up the dominoes to fall where they did.

You mentioned she was in a string of relationships and they didn't last very long. At the time, you probably thought, "Whatever. Their loss...", right? Now, it makes you wonder: was it this same type of behavior that made everyone else run for the hills? It doesn't mean she's a monster for doing this, but it sounds like she has some growing up to do.

I know she said she's regretful and hey, she probably is. It's your life and you're going to do what you're going to do. But if this isn't a deal breaker, what is?

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

For me its a deal breaker. She brought the guy back to her place that reason and reason only, drinking or not she knew what she was doing when she decide to bring him to her place. Not for the dude to crash, that is a BS excuse.

i dont know nearly enough to directly advise on what to do. if you do leave her, you have to actually leave her. if your back together within a week she will wont respect you and there is no reason it wont happen again. and if you can forgive and forget try to stay away form the revenge cheat, its pure afc.

the main point is that which ever way you decide to play it make sue she is fully aware that what she did is wrong and you wont accept it.

plus you on this forum so you must have at least a degree of "woman skills" so dont get worried about being left alone. being single just means you got to go out. be proactive, and sarge! in my opinion is 100x better than being in a relationship

Depends on what your deal breakers are. For me, if my girl cheated, she is gone and I cut contact with her for a year. I have made it one of my personal commandments.

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~ASmooth

If you really think there is a chance for more than just a temporary good relationship, then I'm one to show some commitment and try to forgive.

This is a tough one because all posts prior make good points. Chances are good that even if you want to just forgive and forget, you're not going to be able to, and you'll treat her differently without even knowing it. And if she truly is sorry, she'll be willing to accept that as a condition of her mistake.

What I would not do for sure is tolerate a slip back into these types of habits. Meaning she says now she will quit drinking. I might go along with that. And the second she starts talking about drinking again, I likely would start pulling away and soft nexting.

Totally your call man. It is a good idea to think it through for sure and not make a snap decision. Knee jerk decisions don't have a reputation for being the best decision.

This.

If she was sober enough to have enough conscience to feel guilt and call you, then she was sober enough and thus had enough conscience to know what she was doing prior to the events that led to sex.

Feed her to the lions. She's done.

You're going to give this girl another chance when XYZ girl at the bar is one of the prettiest you will ever see and won't do this to you?

I went through a similar thing, and just decided to never let her in my life again despite her repeated attempts. Disgusting people never change, ever; divorce rates prove it. People claim to try to get this kind of behavior out of their "system", but there is no system. You're either the type of person that is willing to commit for something better or not, a magic number of age isn't going to change shit.

Part of PUA is to show men that they don't have to forgive this kind of behavior. She'll do you in again in a heart beat. Forget her my friend, and hit that bar and find a honey with a clean slate. It's more than doable.

Oh and by the way, this "sober enough" is bullshit. Her judgement may get impaired, but her feelings for you should not be hindered by alcohol. If they were, they're not potent enough. Ever hear of being scared sober? Fear of losing you should be enough to keep her faithful.

These 2 posts SAY EVERYTHING. She's not dumb by no means but she let everything fall into place for stuff to happen, but come on she let the guy come back to her place when she knew she was drunk to "fall asleep", she could've came up with something better than that. NEXT HER ASS, you treated this chick really good and look how she repaid you, don't let her tears and bs promises get in the way of doing something that you know you should do.

I can't give you advice but I can give you perspective. This scenario happened to me (and still happens a lot) so many times I've stopped counting. The only thing is, I was at the opposite end of the equation.

One of the main reasons I've signed up and became a regular in this forum was when a girl I liked kept on saying she doesn't have a boyfriend during our interactions (even when I was not asking her). So it came to a point that she slept over and I banged her. Her boyfriend kept on calling while we're having sex. We had sex several days in a row until I ended it because I found it hard to work when she keeps on knocking at my door after her work to have a good time.

I wanted to understand why and stop this from happening again so here I am. I wondered, what were the things girls say to their boyfriends after they have cheated with another guy.

If you're interested in knowing what the cheating girls say when they're cheating with the other guy then here it is (I can't remember the exact words but this is the gist of it):

"I'm not happy anymore. Every time we have sex, I don't cum. He always came first and falls asleep. He always leaves me hanging."

Right now, I'm into casual sex with 2 girls who have boyfriends. These girls told me they wanted to break up with their bfs so we can be exclusive, but I refused. Their boyfriends don't know yet that their gfs are cheating. Somehow, your girlfriend loves you and is honest with you. Other guys are not so lucky.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I really appreciate all your advice.

She has been brutally honest with me, answering every question I asked, to the point of making it worse for herself, but she wanted to tell me everything. There were some questions though that she couldn't, or wouldn't answer, regarding leading up to the sex because she couldn't remember due to alcohol. in one text she said "All I remember is having sex briefly and then totally freaking out. He was on drugs too so he had no idea where he even was". Think what you may but I believe her.

She also says she hasn't eaten since, feels ill whenever she thinks about it, and barely slept, which I am inclined to believe considering the texts I get from her throughout the night.

If I wanted her too I think she would do anything to fix what she did, shes already offered me, among other things, all her savings (over 15k) but I suggested that would be better spent on a psychologist. She has since seen a doctor to get a referral.

Wow. Anything to avoid the consequences, right? Your girl has obvious maturity problems.

And how convenient for her to remember only certain details of the night. If she was standing trial for murder charges, the court room would be laughing at her poor embellishment attempts.

So as much as you believe her, I don't. No pity here. To the lions.

My opinion:

Dump her ass! YOu said your game was tight, so hell, go find someone else bro. There are over 20M women in the world. Forgive her and forget her, if you don't forgive her your next relationship will be shit. and don't treat every girl is if they are her, a cheater.

You trusted her, and she pretty much spit in your face! When I drink I still know, who I am fucking. Obviously, the attraction was there. If he needed a place to crash, i'm sure there are tons of hotels, and cabs around the city. She should have sent him there.

Like the other guy said, follow your heart, but if you let her get a way with it this time, it is more than likely going to happen again!

Now, if you have cheated on her before, then you def. need to come clean, but still move on! Fresh start!Good luck bro.

I'm curious: how is the other guy being on drugs supposed to be comforting? She's telling you she caved for a man who didn't even know where he was. If a guy like that could fuck your girlfriend, what is going to happen when a guy in control of his mental facilities gives it a shot?

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"