I've dated this girl for a few months.

I gamed her very well and she was hooked from the first date.

I had a lot of trust issues with her during the relationship because she was still talking to her ex but I liked her alot, sex was great. There were a few times where I flipped out for no reasons because of trust issues. I was being really distant the whole thing through. I felt a really strong bond and didn't want to come off as too needy. I started becoming really stressed around her, and things led to another I wanted her out. I knew she loved me, she freaked out when I asked for a break, I knew it hurt her and she kinda pressured me into thinking it was over. I'm a very lonely guy by nature and sometimes her presence was overwhelming, but I still thought she was amazing and I think I was in love. Until last week she was still messaging me on facebook, saying she couldn't get me out of her head. I made the mistake of checking her facebook since it's logged on my computer and realised she had been on a date, kissed a guy and had another planned.

Then it's like it hit a switch, I was in love, I wanted her back. I started texting her alot more, telling her I loved her and was ready to give us a second chance.

I started feeling like crap, realizing what I had lost. Lost appetite, became a fucking mess. Now I think I came off way too strong and scared her. This morning I went to her job, she works in a café and she was the only one there, I brought her a letter I wrote. She seemed happy to see me, gave me a very long hug and caressed me. She said it was ''hard'' for her. I know this girl was crazy about me but I disapointed her alot.

She probably read the letter but didn't follow up today. I was waiting for a text saying she missed me or something, nothing ever came. I checked her facebook again (I know I shouldn't) and saw her telling her sister that I came up to her with a letter, but it wouldn't work again between us because it had been too much of a wreck.


Now I'm sitting here thinking it's either my ego, since I'm the one who made the move to get her out of my life even when she just wanted to stay with me. Either that or I just realised what I had and I can't fathom the thought of losing her.

I want her back, I don't know what to do, I'm losing my senses. I keep texting her beta needy stuff like a complete moron.

Help!

The best thing you can do to get her back is get over her. You're not attractive when you're doting on her and daydreaming about what might have been.

Get over her, date other girls, get on with your life. That is the most attractive thing you can do, with regards to her or anyone else. There are plenty of posts on how to do this, get to work.

The night I wrote this post I kept texting her, and eventually around midnight she called me. Told me she was around and wanted to come by.

She came to my place, ordered food, and she fell asleep on my lap, she kept caressing my hands and my arms and clutching herself against me. When she woke up the next morning she was very cute and cuddly with me.

She left the next day around noon and it was a bit awkward. Next I texted her and she told me not to wait for her, not to have any hope, that I should forget her and that she was very lost in her own head.

Next her and save yourself the pain.

I think it's normal to be wondering.

The girl was madly in love with me, she never wanted for things to end up like this. She wanted me back, she begged and pleaded. She offered to be friends with benefits, to only see each other once or twice a week. She wanted to be with me, she wanted me.

How can she go from that to not wanting me back at all in a matter of days? While I told her I wanted to be alone for a while, I kept contact with her and just needed some space.

Now I'm thinking I went beta and it scared her away, I haven't talked to her no contact at all since last saturday. All she could say is : I feel lost, I don't know what I want, I'm not ready right now.

Which I think roughly translates too : You're puzzling me, I'm already attracted to 1 or 2 other guy, they make me feel good, you made me feel very bad.

It hurts alot, I love this girl. And now she's in the arm of another guy. I just want her back man.

Deep down I believe she still loves me, I don't think she would get over me in a matter of days like that. Before I went completely needy she was messaging me saying she couldn't get me out of her head and stuff.

I just did a complete 180 and maybe scared her off for a while?

A little update.

I still think about this girl everyday, yes needy, yes oneitis, yes whatever. I love her.

I messed up real bad. From the moment I made the post to about a month ago we never talked.

She actually called me in May. A few weeks ago. Around 2 am. She was drunk as hell and she wanted me to come over. She mumbled something about being scared that if she came back I would be alright for a few days then realise that ditching her was the right move and ditch her again. We chit-chatted about random shit for 15 minutes and when I was about to hang up she said : I miss you alot. Next morning she called me sober and we talked for one hour on the phone. She was acting a bit jealous about the fact I told her about a really hot girl I was dating. When I asked her about the ''I miss you'' part she said ''well yeah I do miss you, sometimes''.

She's still dating a 30 year old with two kids, she told me on the phone that he was in love but she wasn't feeling him as much as he did. I'm pretty sure this is a rebound. I keep thinking that I hurt her ego really bad, she actually digs me alot and is basically scared that I will ditch her again, she told me in the past that she never wanted to feel like that again. She also told me that she felt I was the guy that ''played with her'' alot.


Now after that phone call I had another stupid needy beta moment and messaged her on facebook. Told her that phone call actually hurt me because that's all I wanted to hear and blablabla. I blocked her on FB.

Fast forward a few weeks to this morning and I texted her, could no longer bear not talking to her :



Hey!

I walked by your job this morning and I thought about you. I wanted to apologized for making you feel guilty about calling me the other day. My reaction was a bit over the top, as always. I was still happy to hear your annoying little voice, drunk or not. I still think about you alot. I am still in love with you. Sometimes I'm scared it won't go away. I watched Vanilla Sky yesterday and thought about the time we put it in my living room as background noise as we were banging on the couch, was actually better than the movie by far. I hope you're enjoying your summer so far, I wish I could've taken you to sick rock climbing spots around town. Have fun ! xxx



Now I know most of you will tell me to give up and next her, but what If I still want to try? What If I believe that deep down things are not over between us. That her drunk phone call was actually heartfelt and that she just needed the booze to muster up the courage to call me? I feel like she's just scared but she actually think I'm perfect for her, minus the fact that I ditched her and hurt her feelings really bad. Is there any way to recoup from this?


I consider myself a really good looking guy, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I lost her. Maybe it's the fact that she doesn't want me back that is making me crazy like this. Maybe it's an illusion. But it's been 2-3 months already and I still think about her 24-7... I need to give this one last try.

Help me come up with the best game plan.

This is proof positive PUA techniques don't work if you aren't working on your 'inner game'. All techniques and routines will do is pass you off as someone you're not and once you start really liking the girl and becoming invested, you'll be on her like a Chinese kid on white rice.

This is a specific situation though.

I'm the one who dumped her and hurt her, while she was heads over heels for me.

I messed up, and I'm curious to know if there's any way to recover from this.

More inputs?

Just let her go man. Learn from this and move on. Sounds like you fucked her head up real good. You should give her the gift of disappearing. I know it sucks but quit refreshing this disaster in her head. It's not doing anything good for her. Remember we're supposed to leave them better off.

I never intended to do that. I wanted to protect her from myself actually..I was lost.

Doesn't mean I didn't love her.

That's a tough spot man. I bet she's just afraid it'll happen all over again. I don't know the answer but you need to find a way to prove to her that your ready for commitment. That's easier said than done but that's what needs to happen. She probably still has the same feelings for you. She's trying to protect herself.

Probably would've let it go if I didn't get that call from her.

I know what you might say, she needed the attention, she was drunk.

But this girl is intelligent. The next morning when she called me sober she remember the whole discussion so I know when she said she missed me alot she meant it. I messed it up AGAIN by being an AFC the next few days when I realised that she wasn't giving me more attention.

It's like it was a test, she called to see how I was doing, she was obviously upset about me telling her I was dating a hot babe and she also put emphasis on the fact that she thought I was over her..

I'm pretty sure she has all these doubts in her head. I want to make those disappear but it's hard when she basically doesn't contact me EVER, doesn't answer my texts and is dating a rebound.

How would you proceed?

Can't always get what we want, and you want it now only because you see it slipping between your fingers - its human nature.

We tend to want things that are elusive to us. Let go, move on, this is less about wanting her and more about you satiating your ego.

Well I guess there's only one thing left to do.


I'm going to go balls out and try to prove her that I really love her and try to tame her insecurities.

Either she comes back or she flips out and tells me to never speak to her again.


Either way I'll finally have some closure.