Hello, it would be helpful to get some input regarding my relationship from you guys. The relationship has been for about 6 months. The girl is an HB8, doing her Residency. She's from Europe, so on a visa.

Started off amazing and stayed that way the first 3 months, sex was great. At around 3-1/2 months, there were some trust issues that I had with her, concerning a colleague of hers. But gave her the benefit of doubt.

Between 3-1/2 and 4-1/2 months, there were some other trust issues. She has daddy-issues and had a tough childhood. Things are not smooth at work. She's a bit of an attention seeker. She always dresses well and is very friendly. She also has a bad temper and blows up, by text or in person. But this happens every once in a while,
so I had let go.

Between 4-1/2 and 5 months, there were more trust issues. She was losing her temper and starting to get disrespectful on a few occasions. Earlier in the relationship (at around 2 months) I had mentioned that honesty, trust and respect are vital, so if there is a slip in these departments, there's not going to be a relationship. At around 5 months, there were some trust and respect issues, so I said this is it, it's over. I did this in person and she cried so much it just broke my heart. She earnestly wanted to try once more. I agreed to give this another shot.

The past few weeks, the respect issues have been re-surfacing. There are some trust issues too, but less than before. She has also been sending nasty texts which she had stopped earlier, after our previous talk. This time, this was really messing with my peace of mind. I froze her out for a bit, then mentioned by text that it's time to call it off. Bad to do this by text, but I really like this girl and doing this in person last time was brutal, it kills me to see her cry.

She quickly texted back that she agrees, it is not going anywhere. Next morning, some one more nasty text which I ignore, followed by a semi-apologetic text. Then, in the evening, she says she really likes me and really wants to work things out, and asks if I can give her a chance again.

I have stopped answering her texts as she's been spilling venom lately. I haven't answered yet.

I really like this girl and sort of want to give her another chance. But at the same time, if it didn't work the first time, I doubt it will, the second time. And relationships which are going this way usually do not recover, there is slight improvement then things takes a nose-dive again. At the same time, she seems really earnest in her wanting this to work, and if she is willing to try again, she still cares for me and I feel bad pulling the plug on this. Besides, I like her too, she has many great things about her as well.

What do you guys suggest? What would be the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks for helping out.

Sounds like more trouble than its worth. But I guess you like her.

You have to stick to your boundaries as a man.

Although, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, mine especially.

Talk to her and lay down the law, if she doesn't change, one more chance, and you have to mean it.

Good luck.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Can you give any kind of example of nasty texts?

Weirdly enough, my situation of 6 months is almost identical. They sound alike.

When I had to directly call her out on behaviour, she was afraid that I'm going to break up with her, or that I'm insensibly mad at her. But eye-to-eye I didn't show it. Didn't want to make the mistake to be the guy who threatens.

You see, when you threaten with break-up few times, at first there will be intense reaction from her, but if you keep repeating yourself, she'll get used to it easier.

Mine is also like that, she sometimes says childish things, and sometimes I'm not sure is she's messing with my head, or its typical of women when you don't train them like pets.

One more thing.
I'll suggest you the best possible way to act if things go south or you can't endure anymore. Trust me, after couple of years you'll feel good about it. But it will be like cutting hard addiction.

Here it is - if you decide she's an obstacle and hindrance, untrustworthy lying slut,
pull out the VANISHING ACT . If she is none of those things, but you're on edge of break-up do it anyway. Dissappear. Its easy to do in initial dating, but not after longer period of time, but I'm sure its the best possible way to send point accross. Why should you care how she feels about break-up and disscuss it? Its futile, she wouldn't be provoking it in the first place and be insensitive. What you reap is what you sow. And if she cries its certainly a defense mechanism.


EDIT: trust issues should be discussed. Who ever said we have to trust them? But it becomes too late without initial boundaries which can sometimes be set only by brainwashing - so to speak. They are reliable like schizophrenics. Trust in first 2-3 years of RS is bullshit, thats why everyone break up after 2 years maximum and it never gets serious.

My point being, if they acted disrespectful, spoiled, and 'nasty', why would you waste energy giving them nice breakup? So they can feel better about themselves? 'cause they cry? Come on. You'll need energy for yourself.

It will destroy them the same way as they breed destruction cheating around and then feel powerful. All this is under assumption that she still has feelings left for you, but chances are even if she doesn't, you'll crush her ego completely depriving her of attention. If she stopped caring for you, she surely cares for your ATTENTION, which feeds the girl/vagina power.

"Leave her better than you found her" rule seems like crap to me. Why would you leave her in high quality for someone else? And according to PUA psychology, seems like women are better when ignored like garbage.

My ex doesn't even talk to me today after 3 years, because she was convinced that I was hurt during breakup. See the point? If I left her like yesterdays trash, she would at least not think of me as trash today.

They're dumb vacuum headed undisciplined creatures.

Not saying you break-up, but if you decide to finally, have this in your arsenal.

Thanks guys for the feedback. I think you guys are right, she is more trouble than is worth and leaving is the best option.

This is hard to let go though, as the sex is insane. And like I said, there are many nice things about her too and we do have a good connection and share the same goals. But with broken trust and respect issues, as well as the attention whoring, I guess leaving is the best option.

I laughed so hard, because this reminded me a 100% of my relationship. Daddy issues? Check.

It seems that girls with daddy issues are the worst type of girls you can meet. Their unpredictable behaviour, combined with their unstability and attention whoring just isn't worth the effort. Cause at one moment, you are king, the next moment, adios!

I am glad i'm in a similar situation right now because trust me, i will be able to filter them out next time. If i ever start a relationship with another girl like this, i'm taking the next bus to the furthest point possible.

Ok Buddy, "Life is not easy"! If your child had such problems, how would you handle it. You can't avoid your child, so you gotta find a way around it. In other words, relationships and life deem responsibility many of us in this generation are too pussy to take upon.

If I were in your situation, the only way i would leave her right now is if she cheated on me. If she has been loyal to you, then her only problem is the trauma she has from the past, which is not partially her fault, which can be understood and given Leawaay to a certain greater extent than usual.

If you really love this girl, give her another shot but be a man about when handling the situation. Don't expect her to do it on her own and pop out Cinderella out of nowhere. You gotta guide her through this issue and fight this issue together and not leave her alone. Of course, if you gonna commit to helping her you gotta lay some "do or die" rules down. Now be careful what rule you choose and how you lay them down. When going about this, think of how rehabs deal with addicts. You go about treating the heroine addict through a marginalized and proportioned approach. Give the addict less and less drugs every time. He might snap and break the rules sometime, but bring the addict back through his will to better himself to the laid out plan you had for him. The addict will feel bad that you were disappointed by his actions and he will be willing to recommit himself due to your love, tough love, and commitment you have to helping him. But to do this you gotta have tough love, which means you have to know how to keep your composure, be cold and loving at the same time. Also how to decide when to be cold and when to love. Now if she totally starts slacking, like she is failing to commit herself again or is simply not putting any effort or getting back up, then for your sake you let her go. She might comeback, but she will know the deal and she will still have love for you. If she does comeback, don't make her your girlfriend, but keep her in an open relationship to motivate her and keep her option to better herself open

If she snaps, just be like listen you gotta cool off and ignore her. Till she talks to you again and be i get that you snap sometime, but i know you can do better. Give her sometime to make up for her wrongs and reward her for that. But don't start feeling pity and being soft either. If she don't talk to you again and is being hard-headed, ignore her for a while and talk to her in a cold manner. That is tough love my friend. Sometimes you gotta be the parent to some people.

Mayhem_, thanks for the input. Seems like you are still in the relationship with this girl...what are your successful strategies to deal with this relationship? Would be helpful for me as well, if you could share the wisdom.

I received another email from her regarding patching up, but the tone is mostly of venting and playing the blame game. Should I at all point out what I would like her to fix? She seemed eager to address issues the last time we met (2 weeks back), before she started sending toxic texts.

I'll start going out to the bar I usually go to starting this week. Should I just stick to polite acknowledgement for now if I run into her?