I think this is an okay plan - making yourself somewhat scarce may make her value your company more if she really is into you. I'm a little worried that this would affect you more than it would affect her, though.

Don't be unavailable for the sake of being unavailable. Start thinking about what you want to do and if you'd rather do something else, let her know but you don't have to be specific about it (I was once making green juice with one of my boys, and I texted a girl I was dating something like this: "Sorry, I can't watch that movie tonight, I'm with a friend"). I would reject her once in a while - women get bored quickly of guys who are always available to them. Doing your own thing is a huge, huge, huge part of having an attractive lifestyle: you don't need her, but she is lucky that you enjoy her company.

Try doing some of this stuff - I am inclined to think that it will revitalize some of the spark that has been lost between you two.

One final note: don't cut off all contact abruptly. Do respond to her eventually. It might seem like you are butthurt if you flat-out ignore her - needless to say: that's not attractive.

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Preston's Game Log - Please critique

I have things to be done and I'm doing them, so faking busyness was never an option, but I'm deeply convinced that, if I am able to, then she is able to find some time within three days to go for a walk, drink or something, thats why its sad I should still play such mind fucks after half a year.

However, Neo took it all to sound only negative, but its not. Its just she's chaotic.

But, how much spark means enough spark, and what sort? Aren't we supposed to enter stages with more stability and less of initial childish infatuation?

I repeat, when we are together, we have excellent time with variety, and good sex, but for few days after she is less enthusiastic such as to use text to talk and not going further on her part, its not that she lost interest in comparison to any point in time, or doesn't show affection, rather, this happened as pattern from the very beginning.

Hi Stephen.

I can relate so much to this thread that it's almost scary. However I want to share my thoughts on this; maybe it will help, maybe not. Also I'm not as experienced as some of the other guys at this forum, so use a critical eye when reading this.

I'm the same age as you, and my GF is 2 years younger than me. It may not sound like much, but I am finished with my degree and work a full time job - she is still a student. My GF also have not been in a serious relationship before. My GF is also all over the place; beeing with friends, visiting family, writing school papers. To make things worse she is not very good at showing affection. She does feel very secure in the relationship, breaking up/not beeing in a relationship together is just not an option for her. We also live 1 hour apart, which means we only can see each other in the weekends.

Since she have not had a serious relationship before I had to lead (teach her) which in PUA terms is good ! However how much time you "should" spend with each other is a tricky thing. In my experience one of the parts want to spend more time together than the other; just like one care about the relationship more than the other. However these two does not necesarly corelate. In my sitation I actually think I can do better in terms of looks regarding my GF, but her personality is spot on for my preferance.

This translate into me caring less about the relationship than she does, but I would still like to spend more quality time with her than I do now. In this community most people will brand the last part of that sentence as needy. Well, it is. I have needs. I bought an RX8 because I have cars as a hobby, and that car cover that need. I also choose to have a girlfriend based on my needs.

I have a wonderfull girlfriend who have her own needs. Obviously it is difficult to find a GF who matches your needs 100 %. My EX-GF was very clingy; it was a miss match with my needs. However my new GF is on the opposit side of tha scale; so I can relate to you that the transition may be difficult. In my case I want to spend some more quality time with my GF; like you I have hobbies, friends, family (and a full time job). So in my rational head, the small amount of time I have left should be no trouble filling it with my GF.

As a rational thinking, problem solving, man I would do what is logical the best thing to meet my needs. Be as flexible as possible to maximise time we can meet, since she is usually all over the place with a random/tight schedule. Also because of the somewhat "deprived" state where my needs are not fully met I cherish the texts and phone calls from her.

WRONG

By beeing flexible you are beeing too available, which results in a couple of things. First your value drops, which is never a good thing. Secondly it makes her take you for granted. Lets look at it from her perspective. She has a boyfriend who fullfills her needs, and she can prioritize her friends etc. without comprimising her relationship needs since he will always be there to satisfy her needs when she craves that. It is a vicious circle because when you don't see her as much as you like to, your natural (rational, logical) decision making/behavior will only reinforce her behavior. What I mean here is that if you become even more available; she will have no incentive to change her behavior to meet your needs - on the contrary she will have an incentive to keep her beahvior at status quo.

Regarding the chatting, or in my case: phone calls, I want to adress needs once again. My GF is always the one who is calling. Sometimes every day. That's a good thing ey? Nope. By talking on the phone she can get her "boy friend needs" fullfilled without comprimising her other needs (friends, drinking etc) by using a lot more time/energy by seeing you in person. One of the things I love about my girlfriend is that she has no game, at all. A couple of months ago she said this on the phone: "As long as I can talk to you on the phone for an hour my needs are met". In a playful tone offcourse, but the hard truth was still there. Like so many of you know: Give her the gift of missing you. If you fullfill her needs of communicating with you over the phone/chat; what incentive does she have to meet you? Yes, you still have sex etc, but a big part of her "boy friend needs" may be fullfilled through your chatting.

So am I saying you should never answear the chat/phone, or when you do: be very short. Kind off. The danger her is coming across passive aggressive, angry etc. You don't want to get the: "What's wrong?". If you make her feel bad when communicating with you, she have reduced incentive to meet you. So your goal her is to keep it short and sweet; DON'T fullfill her needs over the phone/chat. Make her want more.

Like I said earlier in this, way too long, post it is difficult to match each others need a 100 %. However a solution may be to comprimise. Tell her your needs in a very non threatening stating way so she knows them, and combine that with not beeing too available (both in person, and on chat/phone). At least that is my advice. And for gods sake; don't nag about your needs. Only state them loud and clear at a suitable time. (I read that you have done this, but maybe you have other needs as well that you haven't communicated clearly).

If your needs are not met to a satisfiying degree after a honorable try to adjust things, get out.

Yes, gets similar.
I agree with you on many things. Firstly, online communication every day for 6 months was a mistake. I mean, I approve that there should be contact every single day when in relationship, but small talk out of boredom or because one partner hangs on some social network all day long, and after that each goes in his own direction is just wrong.

I see your point how you can genuinely not be available all the time, but even then some free time remains, and if you make it for her, she'll percieve you available.

Initially, I was always first to end our conversations by doing this or that, she always sent first, and she was the one to bring all this chat dynamics. Maybe her way to check out on me, and then chase her plans. Back then, she asked beforehand when we are going to meet, if I kept silent.

One of the long-term ex's found her way to ask me to hang out every day. Thats not healthy either, but I guess its individual.

Now its Friday, and if she continues for the fourth day like this, to use me for a chat and hang elsewhere, I'm changing tactics.

"DON'T fullfill her needs over the phone/chat" - touche.

It seemed I my thoughts proved somewhat helpfull - I'm glad.

I disagree with you on the part where you say there should be contact every day in a relationship. It becomes a routine. A routine is bad in any shape or form - be it sex, texting or whatever. If you feel you got nothing too loose; try this: Your chatting/texting with her has only one goal, and that is logistics. Next time you talk to her, have the agenda of setting up your next meeting/date. Be it the next day, or next week - that is your agenda. After setting up the meeting/date, go no contact. If she contacts you, be short and sweet. No small talk. Save your stories. When you meet her you have tons of cool, new and exciting stuff to tell her. The kicker is that this gives her incentive to meet you. Meeting you 1 to 1 = cool, new and exciting stories + beeing able to touch, hug and kiss you. How can she say no to that?

Anyhow, if you want to discuss more detailed situations etc - I welcome a PM. It would probably help me as much as you.

Good luck mate !

All women get hit on, even not-so-attractive ones. My girl gets hit on daily, who cares she has tits, ass, and a pretty face what guy wouldn't (save for the gay ones).

Work on yourself addressing your insecurities and moving past them.

Texting/online communication depends on the kinda relationship you are in. If its a long distance relationship sometimes that's one of the only ways the two you can stoke the flame in between meet ups, same to some extent can be said about 2 people who have very busy schedules.

If she's local then why not use texting/online for mainly logistical purposes or to say "goodnight" after a date without getting into long drawn-out text convos. Learn to be a bit elusive, which means being less accessible (not a dick, not ignoring her calls). Just don't be at arms length away all the time that becomes predictable and boring. As a little experiment try contacting her a bit less (nothing dramatic as she may think someting's wrong) just to see how she responds.

We'll go on distance rs in few months.

We are local, living few minutes apart. If I keep silent, she'll keep texting me. I won't take away whole communication thing just because its online, but I won't reply to every irrelevancy either.

Now she kept bragging about 'sexy' actors and such. It seems like she's such type, paying so much attention to that. I'm not sure if reason is to get my reaction, or she thinks its just normal and fun. At first I had no reactions but sometimes I'm just feeling like she is overdoing it with me. I'm not her fucking girl friends. Once she told me that she doesn't expect from me to close eyes on all other women, and thats fine. However, I'm not so much bragging about it. Also I got one stupid comment from her today.

In such case it gets a little bit annoying her commenting on such stuff, and not the actual storyline or content from TV show. It makes her look shallow to me. And amplifies insecurities.

I hate to sound like a little bitch,
but she now hangs with girl friends almost every day, and I'm second priority. Right after yesterday's show we watched at theatre (about which I had to remind her btw, and she was the one wanting to go), her girl-friend contacted her and she immediately agreed to go with her. She hardly asked me what I want, its not polite as I was still there with her, and we spent time together for the show only 1 hour. She did ask me if I want to go with them, but only formally, and didn't insist. I said "no, I'll go, got some things to do". Nevermind I asked her FIRST if we go for drink or something, before that friend called.

Secondly, she just has her time with them these last weeks, and rarely asks me for a date herself. I was always in leading position to initiate private time at my place or something new, but now she can last for 3 days without me, only contacts me online.

Am I to play the ignoring game? Not inviting her for anything no more, not even one weekend day when she expects me to?
Or am I being too possesive with her after 7 months?

Theres lots of details but it reduces to this aspect which I find suspicious now, despite her love-talk crap and affection when we do meet in person.

Instead of trying to figure out "How do I get this girl to give a f about me?" why not figure out "How do I find a woman who gives a f about me"???
She's 18, you're 24...you're 33% older than her and SHE's the one who doesn't want YOU??? Never heard of a 24 yr old trying to fix things with a 18 yr old, heck most 19 yr old guys would have had the respect to walk away to new tail. Any tactic you use, whether it works will still make the situation equal to you trying to KEEP her interested. I say this not to be mean but to give a realistic perspective. Why want someone who shows you you're not a priority.Is she going to be the mother of your kids?

The age difference is significant at 18 vs 24. Two different mentalities, 2 different places in life,2 different views and expectations about a relationship, 2 different levels of maturity. Trying to keep this 18 yr girl's interest and love is like trying to drive a car with one wheel. You may roll for a bit but sooner or later you will crash. I believe a lot of problems on this forum can be solved just by talking to older males, a father, brother or uncle. Tell any of them you're dating a 18 yr old, they'll be like "Oh yeah, she must be tight and sex amazing." Tell them you have a serious relationship with one, and they'll slap the taste out of your mouth.

You're trying to fit 2 puzzle pieces together and they are corner pieces.

I like some parts where you are making purely realistic points, neo.

However, are you suggesting that I go ahead now or tomorrow and tell or write to her: "we're breaking up. you are immature little girl, and I must man up, also you are empty of any content, and you are just your age - a 18yr old - from now on this will be your actual name. Everything that happened between us, or for whatever you stayed in this relationship, is just accidental illusion because younger and older person can never meet, it is against all laws of physics. So goodbye." ?

I'd rather like your opinion on dynamics of a real realtionship, rather than trying to reduce everything to age gap(though age does play a role, it doesn't mean that every 25+ yr is worthy of a title woman, and that every younger female is nothing but a child).

I want to hear opinions on underlying mechanics of relationships longer than 6 months, does a week or two of changing priorities mean irreversibly dropping interest, and female partner's interest is measured by initiative, that is, she should all the time show infatuation in all possible ways, or there are individual specific stages, be it days, weeks, month when you should just live outside of relationship to the amount that can be mistaken for disinterest. Aren't there stages?

In other words, how to detect thin line between neediness, and good reason for concern(but to avoid dropping at the first sign of trouble)?

Is it the rule that it should all be constant sex, affection and focus for the first 2+ years, otherwise its not worthy? And the above mentioned should be specific for person who never had RS before? Or if you're the first she's with into one, should you just accept that you have to do the work?

I'm saying all this from perspective of experience with LTRs before, but this girl is first completely inexperienced in this field.

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Also,
For example, if she has a free time but doesn't mention anything, and I ask, she will not refuse me. But is less initiative herself, with exceptions, her being that way since always, even when she was infatuated.

And I do admit I'm sometimes suspicious she doesn't give a shit genuinely. But at other times she clearly demonstrates contrary. Or she doesn't really give a shit in certain psychological ambient, and does when she feels like it. A cognitive dissonance.

And probably I'm pussy whipped, yes. Too much good looking 18yr old, just how I imagined to be the perfect fit. Thiny and compact, I wouldn't be able to find that in age group above 20

I can't give an opinion on the stages of a relationship. I'm sure someone here better at writing and psychology can do that better than I can. My view is that it's tough to distinguish between a girl just having fun with her friends and getting caught up in that, and a girl who is losing interest and distancing herself. Same way it's tough to distinguish whether a gf is cheating and acting suspicous or you're being insecure.

IMO, 99% of a relationship working comes down to choosing the right partner. The other person's morals, maturity level, where they are in life, their lifestyle, whether they are still emotionally attached to someone etc. Younger girls have ADD. It's natural for them to go through phases where they change alot. Your gf could be losing interest or she could just doing what an 18yr old does and enjoying her freedom. Regardless, her actions are making you uncomfortable. What will happen when you go ldr in a few months? Will things get better?

I agree, its not simple to be 100% sure.


I just did that, I talked about upcoming LDR with her today. She was probably confused why I bring all that up. However this is not going to work. Not FOR ME.

Basically her reaction to LDR questions made this worse. I don't want to guide her by the hand about everything. She either had long silent pauses, or hugging me. She generally has hard time with expression about anything important and this was like: "I'm thinking..." and "it is possible", "I just know I want to be with you". Stuff like that. She definitely lives in the moment, and isn't capable of serious thought. She could've obviously think this through already. I'm also aware that one cannot ignore the hard reality of LDR, and its not an easy thought, but I don't want uncertainty about the future.

However, I didn't bring this crap for no reason. LDR discussion wasn't the point, though reaction surprised me this time. I brought it as a test, because nothing else was safe to pull out about all this suspicion. The reason was she subtly turned me down when I started to escalate sexually druing messing around, and we again haven't had sex a while because she had period until day ago. Her not wanting to jump on me as she did in beginning, when there is a chance, is fucked up. I don't understand this because sex is great when we have it. Haven't got blowjob for long time, and if she's on period she won't do anything sexual for me. I also don't understand this because she starts to get turned on if I escalate hard, but in this cases would resist out of it. Why?

Sure, she's attached to me after half a year, but she is not satisfying me and it crushes my self-esteem.

I don't give a fuck if my reactions are not Alpha. I sent her out the doors and she could notice my bad mood. Instantly she sends me some humorous links, but I'll now ignore her completely, and won't talk to her. Maybe I should break up, however hard it may be. And vanish without a word.