| I have come to my realisation that things for me have changed dramatically over the past few months.
Earlier this day i decided to do something for my girlfriend, she was having a rough time during her exams and things haven't been that great between the 2 of us so i thought it'd be a good way to surprise her and boost her confidence. So i got to her place and she opens the door, looks at me and says it wasn't a good moment for me to come (we nearly broke up the night before). I told her i understood and wanted to leave but she invited me in to have a talk.
When we went into the conversation she mentioned that she just doesn't know what she wants, that she isn't happy anymore and that she rather hangs out with other people then me. She questions if i am the person that can make her happy in the future. I decided not to influence her choices so i told her I could understand, that it might be best to break contact for a while and that it's a decision she has to make for herself. If she aint happy with me, i'm not there to convince her, it's her task to know what feels right and what not.
Eventually we stopped the conversation, agreeing to break contact for a while, she still offered to walk me to the door, but i told her i was fine on my own.
On my way back home, i realised that she did have a good point, and she did shake me awake. Over the past 7 months, i have changed from an alpha, fun, social and loved person, to a boring, dont care, let's do what you like sort of guy. She told me that i was a dreamer, not a do-er (I was super driven before). I promised a lot, but didn't do shit. I blew everything i had etc, and she was right all the time.
* I lost my alpha personality, i dont take risks anymore and i play utterly safe, i just walk along the line and never make decisions.
* I fucked up school, might even be dispelled because i never came (was not motivated)
* never had anything interesting to talk about, i resorted to old bad habits again (gaming)
* I had the perfect job, it required a master degree to atleast be in their category of choices, I was studying 2 grades bellow and they let me have the spot because i managed to impress them by my drive. I blew up because i became unpassionate.
* I have no more taste in fashion, i cant be arsed to wear decent clothing.
* I keep telling things, but i never do 'em.
* I cant even be arsed to talk with people on facebook anymore and i used to have a really good network.
* I've let a lot of people down.
There's much more, I litterally have nothing left that would make me an interesting person.
I would love to become the old me again, no matter how hard i have to work for it. If my girlfriend decides to leave me, i'd still want to do this for myself.
What's your take on this, experiences, etc?
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