Just wanted to first say thanks to anyone taking the time to read this post. I'm totally lost right now and am looking forward to some guidance.

I had been dating a girl for 2 years. We broke up about a year ago primarily because I got a little freaked out by how close we were getting, I withdrew from her and stopped showing her any real physical or emotional connection. I was very distant. We remained really good friends over the year and over the course of the last few months have been sleeping together, hanging out a bit more, all the while she is seeing another guy. They are not "together" but are seeing each other very often.

I wasn't comfortable with this so I stopped the casual relationship we were having together mostly because I want to be with her again as a boyfriend. She's expressed to me that she needs some space and time to figure some things out but also has said that she she's us together in marriage and knows we can easily pick everything up where we left off.

She has been keeping the time she spends with me away from the other guy she is seeing but we talk together fairly openly and honestly about her relationship with this other guy.

All of the stuff I've given her is still on the walls of her room, when we get together it's always a blast and natural.

I know I want to be with this girl and have been acting a bit like a pansy lately trying to chase her although I am starting to withdraw a little now.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I want her back but am completely lost at how to go about it. She's still holding on to me as well.

I appreciate any insight and thanks again for any contribution fellas.

With gratitude

Bump

I don't get it... You want her back yet you're withdrawing? She told you that you could pick things up from where you left yet you're withdrawing? Elaborate...

Be a man. Put your balls on the table and tell her what you want.

If you are afraid to lose her then you don't deserve her.

Fair warning though her morals appear to suck. Keep that in mind.

Or you could invest time in other women. She is doing it, she should understand. Oneitis is not ever good. I've been there. I would always be awesome with her, but still have other things going on, you know? She is obviously on the fence between the 2 or you. Maybe it would be better if you got yourself on a fence as well. Date around. Pick op other girls. Just knowing you have options will make you more valuable to females. Every time I start to chump out, and be all needy, the women run. its so easy to fall into that trap. Get more number, kiss, and fuck closes, and you become more confident!

Thanks for the insight fellas, it definitely helps to get different thoughts.

Betamax: I started to withdrawal a little because I felt like some space is what she might need to figure out some things, especially from between me and this other guy. Seems like its done more harm than good tho as its made for it easy to just run to him.

Well of course she's just going to run to the other guy if you're not giving her the love she wants. Consider it rebounding. Although it's a little messed up that she's caught between two guys, it's easy to see how she can find herself in such a situation if she's been wanting to commit to you for a long time and you haven't had the courage to do so. My personal advice is to chalk this one up as a loss. Do you want your future wife to have fucked another guy while you were on a break of some sorts?

Alright, I'm not going to tell you the same old "get over her" that you have probably expected. You asked point blank how do you get her back.

Allow me to use an allegory with you. Imagine the following scenario:

A man and a woman are in a relationship and they get into an argument. Clearly the woman is not respecting her boyfriend's male authority. She argues with him because she is questioning his manhood and ability to lead. She uses a shit-test on him and says "well if you won't take care of me, there are plenty of other men who will."

What to do?

In this situation, trying to placate the woman and come up with excuses is the worst thing to do. This will just lead to emasculation and the man becoming a cuckold. In other words, the male might have softened up and let the woman take the lead with her feminist anger, but the woman won't respect that and before long will use his placating "nancydom" as an excuse to go ahead and cheat...because he obviously couldn't even stand up to her, nonetheless another guy.

So what the man (who is the hero in our little story) does is looks her straight in the eyes and say "Why don't you go fuck yourself instead?" He then goes to their room, tosses her clothes in a bag and tells her to hit the fucking road.

Suddenly the woman has to eat her own words. The man passed the shit test and is even telling her to get lost. So what does the woman do? She calls 3 of her LJBF's nice guys over to help her pack and move her stuff. Each of the LJBF nice guys thinks that by helping her they might get some action, but guess what?

After she has moved and the nice guys are all gone, the man who told her to go fuck herself will be all she can think about. The quintessential "badboy"...the "asshole" or in other words...the guy who stood up to a lady and reminded her that he has balls and she isn't the only woman in the world either. The guy she was arguing with has become her fantasy.

Now, how does this apply to you? Well, you have made it clear to us that you want to keep this woman, which I'm not going to judge. BUT, if you want to entice her to spend time with you instead of the other guy, the best bet is to use condoms (to be safe) and don't back off. If she has already friend-zoned you because you got too heavy on her then use jealousy to reinitiate the attraction.

How?

Just say to her, "Look, I know you are interested in playing the field, and that's fine. I'm not a jealous guy. But since you don't feel ready to commit, I'm going to go ahead and hang out with "insert woman's name here" If you say a woman's name you will give her a clear idea that you really mean it and you're not just posturing for her.

Then, make a plan to actually do it. The jealousy will either respawn interest or put the nail in the coffin, in which case you should GFTOW and be happy that you left the "relationship" before you became a one-itised cuckolded half-man.

Moral of the story: You are the man. Men are the authority. Don't cow down to a woman. Don't abuse her, but don't appease her by placating her when she gives you a shit-test either.

/rant

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That's my $0.02

-Bluesy