So I just picked up the The Gentleman's Guide to Online Dating by Derek Cajun.

And I didnt follow his advice to the nearest micrometer, however I did follow some of the advice. So I registered on OkCupid.com to meet more women, since I don't really get to go out and sarge much.

Anyways she initially hit me up, I decided to post this to be funny and cocky.

Message 1

Her: I want to know more.

Message 2

In this I read her profile first to get a taste of who she is and how I can be playful with her.

Me: "If you like nickelback chances are we won't like each other." You are a women after my heart! I was going to post LOL after and before this message, but apparently your profile says you don't like that and neither do I. Unless it's used ironically or sarcastically.

"I want to know more. "
Tell you what <removed username>, tell me a joke first and I will tell you what ever you want to know about me.

Cheers!

Message 3

Her: Want to hear a cookie joke?

Message 4

Me: Sure I'll bite. What's your "cookie" joke?

Message 5

Her: Nah, it's crummy anyway.

awful. I know.

Message 6

Me:

LOL! Just kidding!

Nothing wrong with a good-terrible(I know it's a oxymoron word I just made up) joke. I unfortunately know too many of those. So you get 5 points for make me "HA!" and smiling.

As I said I would reward you of knowledge of myself. So what do you want to know? I don't have 2 minute elevator speech amount myself, so ask away.

As they say in Northern Ireland, Sláinte!


Message 7:

Her:
you just brought up Ireland... do you know me or something? haha If you could be any animal what would you be.

damn you and you "lol"


Message 8:

Me: Hahaha! Too funny! Ahhh good times.

Do I know you? Well I am NSA/CIA agent working for Prisim, haven't you been following the news? Our cover has been blown and we are everywhere. Or is this just a really good unrelated guess? You be the judge.

If I could be an animal? How a sloth? They don't have to go work and just lounge around all day. That is NOT bad gig at all in the animal kingdom am I wrong?

So far your pretty cool and I can tell you probably don't get offended by much. Say for instance we connect then hang out or went out on date or whatever. What would be an ideal date that is out of the ordinary for you, but know we would both enjoy it? Does that question make sense? I had an image of what I wanted to covey but didn't really know how to put it words.

Message 9

Her:
Haha you are funny. Ideal date we would both enjoy? I don't know, guys tend to be a bit boring. dinner is good because we can talk but then food gets stuck in our teeth:) I want to go to Lagoon damn it, yeah that's my answer because it is absurd but if you really made it happen you would be the best date EVER.

Sloth hahaha. I will let it slide only because you are funny and obvously kidding.


Message 10
This message I think I jumped the gun too early and should have made her work more, but fuck it man I don't this was bad my first go around after reading.

Me:
DUDE!!! Yes I just called you dude! I am totally down for a Lagoon date, that sounds awesome! I think you are the spy and you have been reading my mind with some new CIA technology and know about me and my inner-kid inside my head.
All kidding aside I will TOTALLY make that date happen, by the way you get 15 points for that suggestion. But we got to get coffee first or something, unless you are completely comfortable meeting me for the first time at Lagoon. I say that because what if I am pirate or something and I hold you for ransom? And what if you are one of those sexy vixens who seduce me but then I wake up on ice and my kidneys are missing? These things happen you cant be too careful kids.

So I typed all these messages on company time, yeah its slow at work today. So I was walking around this pond at lunch and I think I saw some ducks doing stand up comedy. So at this pond one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks, then he stopped and all the other ducks went insane!

As they say in Kenya,

Rathima andu atene