I have been having problems with kissing girls lately. All the girls I managed to kiss the last couple of years (all 6 or 7 of them, lol!:-), it happend while dancing, and I think I am kinda stuck in that (i.e. if I am not dancing with a girl, I have no idea when to go for the kiss). So for example, two or three times last year and once this year, I have actually made them dance with me in the middle of the street so that I can kiss them!

I am just coming from a really nice first date with this beautiful girl I met from yoga. We went to have dinner after the yoga class, and the conversation was absolutely flowing, I could see lots of IoIs like her flipping her head too much, leaning towards me on the table, lots of laughter, etc... we were role playing where I was pretending to be a genie and she has to tell me three wishes, and vice versa... we both got stuck on the third one, so we said we will get back to that later on, and I felt like telling her that my third wish was kissing her right here and there, but I held back.. while we were walking to the metro, which was a good twenty minutes, I offered her my arms and she took it without hesitation and just before the metro there was a bridge and it was so beautiful view, and I said to her "Now I think I know about my third wish", I turn her around to face me and add "to get a kiss from you on the bridge"..... she turns back and says something like "No, you are not getting that wish.."... I didnt take it that bad and joked about it by saying "Aha, maybe we have to put the genie back in the bottle so that you can come out...", she said "It is not that, I really like you, but ..." anyways, it didn't get weird as I kept the conversation going somehow, and joked a bit about it at the end when we parted "I am still thinking about my third wish", and she laughed, I kissed her on the cheeks when we parted...

questions:
1) I really like the idea of being authentic and straightforward, but this is the second time in two weeks where this straightforward thing fired back. So maybe even though I am telling the truth, maybe I am lacking conviction when I say these things directly?

2) Maybe I should just tell them and don't wait for answer but rather go with it?

3) Or do you still think that it is rather hard to pull this off? Never tell a girl that you want to kiss her and just go for it?...

4) Damage control regarding this girl, any suggestions? I wont feel weird when we see each other in a class or anything, but it seems to me that I shouldnt give up on her just because of this and maybe ask her for a second date and continue as if nothing happend? Maybe ask her to go dancing with me, LOL!:-)

5) Any other tips on the first kiss...?

also somehow related, how important is it to kiss a girl in the first date? So maybe that is putting the pressure on me, thinking that I must kiss her I must kiss her...

Hey man. So a few things about kissing. Making the move for the kiss can be done in several ways. The best way is obviously you both feel it, and even if she does feel it she may not show it or hoping secretly that you will kiss her.

First things first. Kisses are something YOU give to HER, or at the very least it is a mutual thing. You do not GET kisses from her. This is the wrong mindset and the completely wrong way to go about this. You GIVE it to her.

Now look, if you definitely know a girl likes you, and I mean really know and you go for the kiss and she resists (i.e turns her cheek or pulls away) it's NOT A BIG DEAL since you KNOW she likes you and now is just not the right time. In 5 minutes it probably is. You PERSIST. Persistence is attractive. If she turns her cheek away you act like nothing happened, because seriously it's not big deal and it doesn't even need mentioning. Just talk about something else. The tension is in the air and you go for it again a second time round.

There are some nice segways into kissing, too. My three favorites are:

1) I'm going to ask you something and you have to be honest with me. How would you feel if I kissed you right now? (MM steal, but it's nice). If she says good or I dunno (you say "Let's see"), you kiss her. If she says, no or any other negative thing, you don't. And you just say "I only asked you how you would feel. Not that I'm actually going to kiss you, we're not at that point yet" or something similar.

2) I can't stop thinking about kissing you right now.

3) On a scale of 1-10, how good of a kisser are you? She qualifies herself. "Let's find out." Anything other than a No is still GREAT! Even if she turns her head. Remember, it's no big deal and persistence is attractive.

You have to also be confident when doing this. Sometimes it feels like the "right moment" never comes. This is where compliance testing and building comes in. You must see and feel how compliant she is to things. Is she compliant with you close to her? IS she compliant with you holding her hand? Is she compliant with getting VERY close to you? If she is then it's a natural progression to the kiss.

You have to work on making it ON. This means you must LEAD. At one point you must slow your conversation down, look her in her eyes deeper, look at her mouth a lot of the time. You must subcommunicate that you're fuking attracted to her. Read up on 60 Years of Challenge for this. You want to basically be very touchy feely throughout and then obviously at one point YOU decide when it's on, when it's time to kiss. How do you know when it's time? You've checked for compliance, seen she's interested through IOIs, and you've escalated constantly both in the physicality and in the vibe and now you're getting to the point where the next escalation will be the kiss. Make it happen.

Sometimes you don't need to do all this since you know the chick is attracted and you just pull her in and kiss her, fuck all the games and just do it. This is when she's eating up everything you're saying, she's all over you and you know you can just take her.

You can also pump her buying temperature by seeking FUN all the time. Seek fun in everything you do and she will be having fun, too, thus increasing her buying temperature and now you can escalate and she will comply easier and then you can make it on and there is a higher chance of kissing her.

At some point you will just have to man up and go for it. Just fucking do it. No more games, just seriousness, let's get down to business. Let's make out right now. Come here, bam. You're making out.

I think you're doing too much pull and not enough push. Walk ahead of her, force her to keep up. Make her slightly uncertain about whether you really want her. As soon as you start showing any signs of being ever so slightly needy the ball's in her court and thats not good.

For you specific situation, Id say you did the right thing joking about it.

Now to get things moving, don't bring it up. Accept that loss there and keep going. Your game sounds good to keep it up, but don't be afraid to push her away a bit more.

You're not making enough eye contact and you're not touching her enough.

Once I've got a girl locked on my eyes you can stare back into her eyes and stare sexually at her lips. Once she looks back at your eyes or better still, at your lips, go for the kiss. Make sure you're good at kissing too. With that little practice I can't imagine you're a pro.

Also remember that a kiss is not necessary to get laid. I have fucked a few girls in my time without kissing them once. The one problem with kissing is it releases sexual tension. As long as you tease with it and leave her begging for more, she will be begging to come home with you.

@ Tr@veler: Great post, mate

Actually you did well all the way up to the point where you asked her. Instead do this.

Look in her eye. Don't say a word. It will be awkward. She either looks away, or just smiles. If she doesn't look away you lean in (not all the way but mostly) and wait. She will finish and kiss you.

I've never ever mentioned kissing a girl before I did it. Pointless and not too confident either.

Thank you all for the wonderful responses, specially tr@veler!
Here is what I have decided:

-even though I am all about being natural and honest, telling a girl before kissing her or asking her for it seems to be not such a good idea. I have tried it twice now with very bad results. Maybe not enough statistics, but still a very strong indication because you put the girls in a spot, and unless they are really into you they are going to say no, specially when they are completely sober (and unfortunately, I almost dont drink and also don't like to be with girls who have been drinking, so all my interactions with girls are when we are both sober).

-have to work more on my kino escalation. I have very good eye contact, whether with girls, with my boss, my friends, etc... but I think my touching is rather lacking, except in situations like dancing where it comes more naturally to me... Any tips on how to practice this? I have few female friends, some of whom I LJBFed and have no attraction to, and with them, I am always touching them, hugging them, walking arm in arm, etc...but when I am attracted to a girl and it is the first few times we are meeting, it seems I am afraid of touching her, or not touching her in a confident way....

Now back to the same girl, there is some time constraint. She is leaving in a week to Vietnam to be a volunteer school teacher for a month and a half. Most likely I will meet her at the yoga place either thursday or saturday (she is always there on saturday). so shall I ask her out again if we meet there, or better call her up/text her?...I am not planning to mention anything about the kiss, just continue as if nothing happened. And I am not really in a rush to fuck her, but would be nice to set a good direction before she leaves, maybe keep in touch with her over SPAM or so while she is there, as I sincerely think she is a good candidate for a gf.

Any tips on the time constraint aspect I mentioned above?;-)

Great post from traveler. Solid advice. Thanks!