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the length of the profile is good and some of it is funny, but I would take out stuff like "I don't want a woman who blah blah" I don't like to talk about the kind of women that I want, there's no reason to exclude people or appear 'rude', you can just ignore anyone who contacts you that doesn't fit the bill. I also would not talk about the diet stuff too much; diet has become almost like a religion or politics, and it isn't worth alienating potential hb's over the recent fad diet you have gotten into.
In short, it's decent, but take out the negativity (if you don't have a bucket list, etc.) The wambulance is ok, i kinda like that.
From a woman's POV I agree with above and always advise men to keep it positive. Better to say what you do like/want than what you don't. Also, it's a bit too adolescent. After the first three lines she now has a picture of your head in a toilet, and you crying/sweating profusely when you're out to dinner. Kinda gross.
I like to bucket list, and the part about the bacon. Everyone LOVES bacon!
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